Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 August 1911 — HUMOROUS QUIPS [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS QUIPS

Cause For Economy. "A new hat my dear?” said Mr. NeedalL *T must say you don’t seem to be following my suggestions of economy." "It’s the first new hat I’ve had this six months!” answered his wife, sniffling. "Nonsense! What’s wrong with your old one?" "It’s out of date,” she bridled. "And, after all, while I’ve been pinching and saving, what have you been doing, I’d like to know? You’ve been going to your clubs and music balls and smoking your expensive cigars"— “Of course, my darling,” he interrupted in a pained voice. “What else do you suppose 1 asked you to economize for?”—Loudon Answers.

Tha Little Boy. The little boy sat under a shade tree with his back against Its think aud tenderly rubbed his Inflamed eye. “When I’m rich,” said the little boy, “I’ll buy something nice for mother." He was a fairly good little boy and he didn’t forget the conventionalities. “But first,” said the little boy, "I’ll build a big Jail a mile high an’ I’ll hire a thousand p’licemen an’ I’ll have a cell full o’ rats, aud then I’ll put hat red beaded little gink of a Bobby Closes in It fer blackin' my eye!” For in tbe normal mind pt youth revenge Is sweeter than love.—Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Ramesian Cramps. The learned editorial archaeologist of the Ohio State Journal says that cucumbers were eaten by the Egyptians la 1500 B. C. and probably aren’t digested yeL Come to think of it. ptomaine does suggest Ptolemy. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Worriment “The king of England seems to have a worried look,” said tbe man who was looking at the pictures “I don’t see what he has to worry about” replied Mrs. Flimglit’s husband. “His wife doesn’t play bridge." —Washington Star. Thay Agree. “What is the secret of domestic happiness?” “Making mntual concessions." “Mutual? Bab! My husband and I get along fine, and I make him make all the concessions.”—'Toledo Blade. The Jaded One. Mr. X—Oh, I’ve been doing quite a round of calls, and I’ve been so unfortunate! Mrs. Y—What! Everybody out? Mr. X—No. everybody lb!—London Opinion. Twas Ever Thue. Patience—And you say in the car you came uptown on there were a lot of women banging ou to the straps? Patrice—Yes. aud a lot of men hanging on to the seats.—Yonkers Statesman. The Tranquil Life. The Sage—After forty years o’ mar ried life I’ve made up my mind it doesn’t matter how often a man an’ his wife disagrees, as long as be don’t let her know It—Harper’s Magazine. V '' Schedule Time. Hungry Traveler (at railway dining station)—How soon will the train start, conductor? Conductor—l’ll start on time today. I ain’t got much appetite.—Soho.