Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 August 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

air BVACAA M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. yyK may all be slightly twisted, hot we don’t care to have other people try to follow onr crooks and turns. There is no time like the present simply becanse the present Is the only time If marriage is a lottery why do ministers continue to be a party to it? When we go on a voyage of discovery we are not bunting for our own faults. Misfortune Isn’t desired, but it Is a wise man who manages to profit by It You can’t always judge a man by the quality of his coat It may be borrowed. Keeping still has seldom got any one into trouble. We much prefer the people that go without saying to those who say without going. Some men are good natured and others are bachelors. Many an Ideal is hatched out in August that gets October.

Reciprocity. If we could live on thirty cents A week, as persons do Who come to us from foreign parts And stay a year or two. We soon could be as rich as they And of the landlord free If we worked on and didn’t spend. But where would business be? This Is a world of give and take And not of calm repose. If no one bought a spool of thread The mills would, have- to close. If living was on bread and cheese And other things, as cheap The men who made the luxuries Could put their works to sleep. In theory it Is very fine To lead the simple life, But one may come in contact with The notions of his wife. She will not wear the. same old hat Forever and a day. And If her clothes are not in style } There’s several things to pay. The gentleman of foreign birth Who has that sort of skill May save out ninety cents or more From every' dollar bill, But he is few in quite a crowd. If every one would drop His spendings to his barest needs { We’d have to shut up shop. Disenchantment. “Do you believe In love at first sight r “Yes.” “You think there is something in it, do you?" “Sure. It is the only time that I ever am in love. The next time I see her it’s all off.” Gladt ■ “I just hate Brown.” “What are you going to his wedding for then?” “ ’Cause I want to gloat” * “Gloat?” “Yes. I know the girl he’s marrying.”

Her First Question. “I wonder what a woman says when she gets to heaven?’ “I should not think any one. need wondei* about that.” “Why?* “Because any one might ktiow that after asking St Peter if her hat is on straight she would ask if the place Is steam heated.”

His Drawback. “Is he ignorant?” “Very.” 0 But he may overcome It” ''Never. If Lloyd’s were to examine him I ani sure they would be willing to take the risk and insure it for him." Couldn’t Be Otherwise. “You heard about so many children in the village having the mumps.” - “Yes.” “Well, they gave a party for them.” “It mast have been a swell affair.” Wholesale Rates. “Heard about Brown?’ “No. What about him?’ “Going into the shoe business.” “Why, how does that come?” “The last were triplets.” _ i His Turn Next “Is Miss Bink engaged?” “Yes. Would you like to meet her?” “Not now, then. I will wait till next week.” 'I 1 ‘ Paradox. “Why are you so poor?” “Because I have such a rich Imagination.” . Her Specialty. “She seems to be a breezy girl.” “Yes; she is always putting on airs.** Spoiled It ‘' Once living Was a very snap, But now man has to grapple With forces of. the earth, untamed Since Eve consumed the apple.