Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 August 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. rpm: American boy can always find something to celebrate, but even if be couldn't it wouldn't make any difference to him. He would just go on .celebrating anyway. Flattery: is always acceptable provided that it is of the approved brand. Clothes don't make a man, but sometimes his wife’s clothes unmake him. It is easy enough to be comfortable at some one else's expense. The whisky that be didn't diink hurts mo man. It is different with a woman. Supporting a husband keeps lots of women out of the suffrage movement Getting what doesn't belong to us gives us most of our trouble. The man who minds his own business has an easy boss. Many a had man has died in a good cause.

Saving the Crops. Sure! We'll go Or, better still, send a substitute. Who wouldn't stop his work. Drop his whitewash brush, 1 With the job of painting the fence. That the neighbors said Looked scrumptious. Only half done. j Or leave his pen in the air. With the poem on summer But partially completed. And take the train ! To the old stamping grounds For the sole and express purpose of Saving the crops? Heroes respond when their country ; calls To war I And rush up to the cannon’s mouth For the purpose of investigating j To see what it had for breakfast,. If anything. They bite tho dust Though it doesn’t come highly recom- j mended As a health food. And rmai sing their praises And vote their wives a pension. How much more worthy Of a vote of thanks Is he who tosses all else aside And rushes forth To save the crops! All he gets for it Is high wages, Good country board And a chance to flirt With a fair corn fed country girl Who is equally skillful On the piano Or the kitchen range. Isn't he a self sacrificing mortal? "When the nation’s new ode Is written By the journeyman poet He should be incorporated therein. They Were Introduced. “Getting on to jrour automobile?" “Gradually." “You have to know an automobile before you can run it.” “I ought to be acquainted with mine. \ sat four hours with it in the country jrgaing as to whether we would come dome without a horse.” Filled With Language. “No more blue Mondays at our house.” “How does that happen?” “My husband does the washing.” “So that changes the color scheme?” “Yes, It is mostly red.” On the Billboards. “Oh, yes. I can read the signs of the times!” “What do you make out of them?” “That smoking a five cent cigar Is the acme of happiness.” Easy Way.

“He.gets along fine -With his mother- “ Some men can." “She Is In Australia and he is here.”” Job printing of the better class type, ink ancf typography in harmony—The Democrat office.