Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 June 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. IVHEN a man gets it into his head that he is intended for the sole purpose of driving dull i care away it' is time for bls friends to take to the woods. Many a man's stern resolve melts before the irate gleam in the eye of one small, firm woman. It may sound silly, but one always hates to hear that somebody has said of him that be is a nice man. It is easy enough to criticise, °but can you put up a better fight than the other fellow has? When a woman is elected to the widow clgss she seems-to think that all sorts of class privileges are hers. Some persons' idea of getting of a bad habit is giving it to some one else. It is comforting in time of stress to think a thing might be worse—or is it? It annoys us to have our neighbors call it luck when modest merit gets a long deferred recogpitlon. There may be men who have died for love, but it took them upward of eighty years to do It. People who have plenty of faith often manage to get along with a wonderfully small amount of money.

Marvelous. "She la a most remarkable woman** "I didn’t notice it.” “Well, you noticed that she had a caller.*' “Yes.” “And afterward when I asked her she said she hadn't the least idea what the woman caller had on." Heard Rumors of It. John—Well, the game is over. We might as well go. Mary—Ain’t we going to stay for the concert? John—What concert? Mary—l thought they were going to kill the umpire. I Terrible. “The shock was something awfuL” “Mercy! You look faint!” “I am.” “What happened?” “Bridget told the truth this morning about the breakage.” z Good Money After Bad. “I lost SSO this morning.” “Why don’t you offer a reward?” “But I lost it in Wall street” “No use, then. They would come and collect the reward money also.”

Wanted Immediate Action. “He only has one fault” “What Is that?’ “He saves his money.” “Oh. then you didn’t Intend to many him.”

Merely Tries. “Does he play poker?’ “Who, Bill?' “Yes.” . “Naw. Just plays all arouna the game.” Which? “She always has her own way.” “She does?’ “You bet!” “Rich, or pretty?” Smart Chap. “He finds everything so easy.” “How does that come?’ -f—- ---“ Because he always does them next year.” Some Speed. l This world is but a fleetins show Made up of several factors. But most of us who come and go Are simply fleeting actors.

The Result “I suppose those garden seeds I sent saved you quite a little money.” said the affable statesman. “No,” replied Mr. Growcher. “I hadn’t the heart to waste ’em. and the result Is that I’m in debt for garden Implements ”—Washington Star. —————— -T . • i •< His Contrary Methods. *lf a successful perfume manufacturer were to become director of the mint be would revolutionize its methods, wouldn’t he?’ “How so?’ “Because he coins dollars by making scents.”—Baltimore American. ( Unusual. She—What are you laughing at? He—Your hat “Oh, dear! Haven’t I got it on straight?’ “Yes; that’s why I’m laughing. It looks funny on straight”—Yonkers Statesman. Fixing the Record. Clergyman (taking friend round poor parish)—Yea a nervous little fellow. I remember his father was highly strung. Woman—Ye remember wrong then. ’E got ors wiv ten years!—Punch. Selfish Girl. The Widow—Everybody says my daughter got her beauty from me. What do you think about It? Old Bachelor—Well, she certainly had a lot of nerve to take all of it— Chicago News :

Poor Dog. So often we call a man a dog when we wish to reproach him. And yet a dog— Doesn’t lie. Doesn’t swear. Doesn’t cheat. Doesn’t drink. Doesn’t smoke, Doesn't swindle. Doesn’t flirt. Doesn’t borrow. Doesn’t pretend And wouldn’t even resent it if you called it a man.—Life. Took His Nerve. “It’s up to me to get a new gag. I told dat lady in de cottage dat 1 used to travel wid a circus.” “I suppose she got off dat old chestnut by giving yer an ax and asking yer to do de split?” , “No; she had a new one. She gave me a saw and told- me to saw up a cord of wood and den de fresh sawdust would remind me of de circus rings.”—St Louis Globe-Democrat. The Evidence. “Say, Bunkerton. Tom Billups has applied for a position In our bank, and I’m looking up his general record,” said Dobbleigh. “Can you tell me if he—er—if he is a man of domestic habits?” “Why, yes. I guess sa” returned Bunkerton—“that Is, judging from the cigars be smokes his tastes are entire* ly that way.”—Harper's Weekly. . All the news in The Democrat.