Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 May 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

Br DVACAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. WIFE can sometimes cure her has band of rheumatism, but when it comes to egotism she has to pass th< job over to some pretty girl who lr looking for some one to make game of. Some handsome men are too clere: to wear becoming clothes. Sometimes a little flirtation resuits in a big alimony. When you get out of temper don’t try to borrow of your next door neighbor. He who fights and runs away will get a chance to draw his pay. One way to reform yourself is not to do things that need reforming. There may be people who can't glv« advice when your guard*is down, but we have never been fortunate enough to meet them. The man who doesn't talk much generally gets paid for keeping still. Some young men seem to think that having a rich father is quite hard enough work for them. Even doll people are sometimes abl! to put tbeir friends all on edge. The reason why women talk so mucli may be because time Is short anti styles change rapidly.

Explained. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. » No one wonders what you are. Science makes It plain as pie Who you are and also why. Once we thought you were a tack Pushed Into a background black. With a head of polished brass That for gold you tried to pass. Once we thought you rose and set. On that point we would have bet. Now we know you stand, while W 9 Tumble on our axis free. We regarded you a speck As we upward turned our neck. Now we know you are as large As a fancy doctor's charge. Science tells us that your size Is the kind that wins the prize; That beside you at a fair We would not be anywhere. You're not. it's as plain as noon, Little brother to the moon. For the moon would hardly pass As a pygmy In your class. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. We don't wonder what you are. Since your twinkle answers us We’ll let science fume and fuss. •- Queer. “It is queer bow some men keep out of the penitentiary.” “Maybe it is, but”— “But what?” “I was just thinking that it was tbeii queer ways that got some men in.” Explained. “Why are there so many mors blonds in the city than in the country?” “Well, you know there are a lot more drug stores in the city than in the country.” Complaint. "Pay day doesn’t come often enough.” "I have noticed that” “Have yon noticed another thing?” "What?” “It doesn’t work hard enough when it gets here.”

For the Aeroplane. “Have you heard of the beautiful new shade?’ “New shade?* “Yes, for hats and gowns, you know.” “No. What la itr “Sky blue."

Proved. •Tien are braver than women.” "They aren’t either." "Bnt they are.” "Prove It” "Don’t men marry women?” Needed Hustling. "What are yon doing?” “Being thoughtful.” "Well, hurry up and do your work or 1 will shake some of the thought out of you.” Terrifying. “Go on out there.” “I am afraid.” "There’s nothing out there.” "And I am afraid of nothing.” Different. "Honesty is the best policy.” “Bnt better than best la the policy that wins.” Willing to Please. "Can you keep a secret?" "I don’t know. You might try me." To Foil Him. The busy little microbe. J Be leads a life of'care. Re eannot etand the sunshine. He cannot stand the afr, - So open wide the window sash And see Ms toothless jawbones gnuh. _—■-- . ‘ . a