Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 May 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. WOMAN gets as much fun out of a i shopping expedition as a man doe* through sneaking down back alleys to watch a chicken fight. People who think that money will buy anything are the ones who haven’t got the price of anything. A capitalist may not thrill at his country’s call to arms, but just mention a government contract to him. Jeffersonian simplicity sounds well, but in reality we take all the twentieth century luxuries we can reach. -When a girl wants to say anything mean of another girl she wonders why she doesn’t sometimes ring in a change in style of putting on her complexion. _ \ Some men can never save any mohey because just as soon as they get their motorboat paid for it is time to buy another installment rug. It is hard for a little girl to decide whether to grow up into a suffragette or a Sunday school teacher. Men may legislate on women’s apparel. but those who try to enforce the law find what real trouble is like. The small boy who has to wheel the baby around the block while the team is practicing in the park may never have heard of race suicide, but he believes in it. When the votes are counted and the respectable citizen finds' himself in the also ran class he begins to suspect that the ways of the politician are past finding out.

Forward Maroh. We live In a progressive age; The ancient world is dead. ’ ■ We start upon a newer page And bravely forge ahead. v Unrest is in the very air. And progress will not stop. You’ll notice if you look with care That something's going to drop. Men are partaking of unrest In every trade and art And boldly searching for the best That they may have a part. They toy with theories old and new In college and in shop To challenge every point of view, And something’s going to drop. It isn't what their fathers thought Or what was once their pride. The new idea they have caught. And that will be their guide. Old customs crumble to decay That once with steel were bound, While they are building for today Upon the solid ground. What it will be and when and where \A prophet cannot see, But there is something in the air As sure as A B C. The century a message brings. Truth will come out on top. List to the flapping of its wings, For something’s bound to drop. The Women Won't Take It. “He has found a new cure for nervous prostration.” “What is it?’’ “Silence.” “He won’t make car fare on it.” “Why?” “Only women have nervous prostration, anyway.” 1

“Brown has a large family to support.” “Why, how did that happen?” -“He married a rich widow with five children.” . Helping Him Out J “Going to make garden ufis year?’ “A little.” . “You will be the man with the hoe then.” “No. I don’t have to bother with that instrument. My neighbors’ hens will attend to that part.”

Diplomatic. .... . “Did Ethel marry that Mr. Crossleigh?” “Yes.” “How does she ever manage him?” “She never beats him playing checkers.” . A Lapse. “I used to say all manner of bright things when I was a kid.” “What makes you think so?” “I’ve been told.” “Why'didn’t you keep it up?” Wholesale. “She has been divorced five times.** “Really!” “Yes." “I dare say the lawyers make her a special rate.” Individual Matter. As to the game of matrimony, < You do not know how it will be. • You only know if you will like it By plunging in yourself to see.

21 columns of news. 14 columns of talks by a practical farmer on farm topics—economical machinery, planting, growing and storing of fruits and vegetables, breeding and marketing of live stock. 20 or more "Lost and Found Poems and Songs.” 1 column of Health and Beauty Hints. Best short and continued stories —Chess and Checkers—Puzzles and Complications—Dr. Reeder’s Home Health Club —Miscellaneous Questions and Answers—Poems oi the Day—A special Washington letter—Taking cartoons and illustrations. 5 columns of live entertaining editorials.

7 columns of live stock anl market reports. No live stock paper contains a better live! stock market report than the Weekly Inter Ocean and Farmer. ! 40 questions and answers by< readers on anything pertain-! ing to the business of farm-! ing, gardening, raising of live stock and poultry, etc. 10 to 20 questions on veterinary subjects. 7 columns of information on recipes, patterns, formulas, etc., furnished by readers. 14 to 21 columns of stories or public men; historical, geographical and other miscellany. 5 columns of specially reported sermons by leading AmerSunday School lesson.

Clever Woman.