Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 May 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. \yHEN we look at some people we wonder what life would hold for them If the tailors and dressmaker* should all go on permanent strike. The desirability of being busy depends, in a measure at least, upon the nature of one's activities. / Every old bachelor considers the married state a thing to be acquired—by the people he doesn’t like. n It is a cunning man who when he has made up his mind to break with a friend first borrows money of him. Insipidity isn’t to the taste of most of us. Still, it has its uses as an adulterant The-only way to discipline a certain kind of man is to marry him to a hysterical woman. Common sense and good tastes belong naturally to a homely girl. A senator is a man who is in training to become a railroad director or a corporation attorney.

The Moist Month. April. Tou know what’s expected of yon— Plenty of dew. Moist dripping- hours Devoted to showers That will produce , For our use In the May Flowers And green grass Which will grow into hay. Then have no fears. Scatter your tears Down on the earth in a liberal spray Any old way. We’ll not complain Though it may rain Pitchforks and cats Down on our hats. Knowing the onion crop Needs every drop. Send it down steady. We will be ready, Glad that old nature Is getting its fill, Knowing you will not Send It a bill. Yes, little April, Your weeps bring us pleasure. Send them on down By half bushel measure. Unless our umbrella, Confound it. is stolen. We care not how rivers And ditches are swollen. Still for that prospect Your spouts do not fetter. We may be able To steal one that’s better. Come on. then! Make a ten strike. Go as far as you like With your sprinkling cart, Bless your old heart!

Where He Lost. “Got a puncture, have you?” “No; I haven't got a puncture,” replied the exasperated one, who didn't care to answer foolish questions at that moment. “I just let the air out of the tire to give it a rest.” “Indeed! I am a puncture expert and was going to offer to fix it. So long." To Meet an Emergency. “Madam, have you any old clothes to givfe away.” “I have a suit belonging to my husband, but I fear it is too big for-you.” “Oh, that will be all right You just set me out a square meal and watch me eat enough so that I can fill it” Utility. “He has the no breakfast fad.” “Too bad, isn’t it?” “Yes.” “How did he happen to go off his head so?” ■ “He is boarding on the European plan.”

“His wife is a partner ip. his business, you said,” “I think so.” “Silent?” “Silent! Isn’t she a. woman?”

Well Backed Up. “How do you manage your husband?” “Simply by kindness.” “Do you find that sufficient?” “Yes, indeed, so long as I keep a rolling pin exposed where he can plainly see it” , Of Course. “Are you fond of flowers, Mr. Oldun?” “Passionately, Miss Steen.” “What is your favorite flower?” “The flower of youth and beauty,** One Was Plenty. She said that I must ask her pa. I kicked on that because—well, aajr, I knew the kick her father had And didn’t want it sent my way. Her voice was trembling as she spoke. Was it a snicker or a sob? I said: “All right, you throw me down. Tour pa will not complete the lob."