Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 April 1911 — HUMOROUS QUIPS [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS QUIPS

The Crossed Fingers. He swore that her kiss was the first he had had. But his fingers were crossed. He'd kissed but his mother when he was a lad—- - Yes, his fingers were crossed. He vowed that not only he’d ne’er had a taste Of quivering lipe, but that no other waist Had ever been clasped by bis arm. Then In haste His two fingers he crossed. -y The sparkler he gave her he’d purchased that day, u ; - But his fingers were crossed. No previous maiden had worn it—nay, nay! But his fingers were crossed. And never, so long as his life should en- . -dure,'' ■ "Would eye, cheek or lip of another maid lure. He knew it—past every doubt he was sure— But his fingers were crossed. She listened to all of the guff he had said While his fingers were crossed. She laid on his bosom her wise little head While his fingers were crossed. She answered so low that the famed ’little bird" But his fingers were crossed. • Who peddles sweet secrets could scarcely have heard As she breathed, ‘‘Oh, my love. I believe every word!" But her fingers were crossed. —Strickland Gillilan in Buck. . * Doing His Share. “I suppose," said the heiress’ father, “you have assured my daughter that you will grant her every wish.’’ 1 “No,” replied Baron Fueash; "I will not misrepresent my financial re- : sources. But I will do my best to be of service.” “In what way?” “I will help her to wish.”— Washing- ! ton Star. Undoubtedly True. “Anyway,” said the man who was getting the worst of the argument, “there’s one thing no woman has ever done and probably never will do.” “What Is that?” queried the fair suffragette. “Spoil anything through silence,” answered the mere man as he hurried away.—Chicago News. j Arranged. Mrs. Desmythe—Yes, my dear, I intend my daughters to be engaged when ! they are nineteen. Mrs. Lajones—But suppose they are not? Mrs. Desmythe—Then they remain nineteen until they are!—Philadelphia Times. ————— Each In Ita Place. Tommy—ls there any difference, pa, between a violin and a fiddle? Pa—lndeed there is, my son. The instrument you heard at that concert last month was a violin; the thing Mr. Nexdore plays is a fiddle.—Catholic Standard and Times. More So. Kicker—There is nothing that makes at woman so happy as to get a four dollar hat for three eighty-five. Snicker—Oh, yes, there is! Kicker—What? Snicker—To get an eight dollar hat for seven eighty-nine.—Puck. And Bonds. Passenger With the Skullcap—Do you take any stock in these woman suffragists? Passenger With the Hed NecktieYes, sir; preferred stock. " Pin married to one of them. Any objections?— Chicago Tribune. The Modem Way. “I began at the bottom and worked up,” said the man. “An old fashioned method,” retorted the other. “Nowadays we begin at the top and make good afterward if we can.”—Detroit Free Press. When Women Rule. “That lady judge has decided against us.” “That’s all right,” said the feminine attorney. “I know her. By tomorrow shell change her mind.”—Kansas City Journal. Veiled Warning. Ardent Lover—Sir, 1 came to ask you to give me your daughter’s hand. Fond Papa—With pleasure. If you are looking for It you will find it generally in my pocket—Baltimore American. h How Rumors Start “What’s this about sewing your unfortunate wives in sacks?” “Nothing to it” replied the sultan emphatically. “I did get ’em some hobble skirts.” —Pittsburg Post Adamant ‘There are a lot of girls who don’t ever Intend to get married.” “How do you know?” “I’ve proposed to several.”—Cleveland Leader.

The Humorist’s Friend. ■>> “What is the object of the Press Humorists’ association?” “To erect a monument to Mand Muller, I believe.”—Louisville CourierJournal. Mrs. Benham—The lecture was so uplifting. Benham—What was it about—an elevator or an airship?—New York Press. No Trouble at All. “Do you have any trouble In getting a maid?” “Oh, no! I got ten last month.”— TMTefljgpWtt Bulletin.