Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 April 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. SPHERE is no place like home. This is probably the reason why so many people are never to be found there. . What is on the outside of a girl’s head is no clew whatever to what is on the inside. I One way to avoid poverty is to get rich and then die. Never argue with a woman. She can think of more nonessentials than you can. No matter how much trouble they have, some people are always willing to take more. Curious that some people never get rich enough to pay their taxes, v We rarely mean all we say. Life would be too meaningful if we did. The thing that a man boasts about will generally be found to require some sort of bolstering up. Scandal that gets no attention isn’t scandal. A good chance comes along occasionally. but somehow doesn’t always wear Its label. Self reliance is a virtue sufficient unto itself—as long as there is no particular need of it. The man who is out looking for a fight doesn’t have to have very good eyesight

Lost Opportunities.

“She had three proposals before she was twenty.” “And didn’t accept any of them?*’ “No. She said she was going to take her time.” “And what happened?’ “She is still taking it” Different. “They all are saying sach mean things about me." “Are they?’ “Yes." “Does it make you feel bad?’ “It certainly does.” “I wouldn’t mind. Everybody gets falsehood spread about them once In awhile.” “Oh, but these things are the truth.” No Need For It “Want to buy a phonograph?” “Nope.” “I have here the very latest thing, fine and dandy.” . “Can’t beat mine.” “Oh, yon have one, have you?” “Well, I was married last week.” Currying Favor. “Was It so awfully funny?” “What?” “The joke the fellow sprubg.” “Rotten!” “But you laughed so.” “Heavens, man, the man is worth a million.”

Had Heard of the Monsters. “Don’t yon see that sign?” “What sign?” “ ‘No Hunting on These Premises.’ ** “I ain’t hunting.” “But you have a gun.” “Huh! That’s only for mosquitoes.”

Truly. “I do like to give advice.” "Why?” “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”