Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 April 1911 — In Case of Fire. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

In Case of Fire.

“More women’s lives have been lost in fires through their inability to use a fire escape or their almost hysterically mock modest fear of being carried down one by a fireman,” says Chief A. J. Eley of the Los Angeles fire department. “Women should be trained to know that when a fire is raging and escape nearly cut off it is no time to stand thinking of who may be looking on or who'the fireman is. He is not a man; he is safety personified, and to him she is not a woman, Just a human life to be rescued at all costs, at any peril.” Chief Eley believes that, with the tremendous growth of the city, its ’many tall buildings and the constantly Increasing number of women employ-' ees, a knowledge of fire escape etiquette and athletics is absolutely essential. Observation of the following rules would make the firemen’s task •easier: x u i Pin up your dress between your knees so you will have perfect and unembarrassed freedom when descending. the fire escape. Carry scissors, and if you wear a 'hobble gown cut it so ft won't impede ■your movements. 1

Face the steps in descending. Don’t look down. Look forward or upward. Keep both bands on fire escape rail ings and follow the old sailor maxim of never letting go with one hand till you have a firm grip with the other, " Kick off high heeled French slippers, which may catch and trip you. Don’t clutch at the. fire escape or fight the fireman who is carrying you He will not let you fall. Relax. Don’t let mock modesty stand in the way of your life. Remember, a fireman and a woman lose all sense of personality in time of danger—you are merely a life to be saved, be the means to do it. Most of us spend so much of our time undoing today the things that we did yesterday that we get a mental vertigo. When art gels a black eye a strenuous application of beefsteak to the stomach helps a lot "Knocking is the easiest trade known to modern man. If you are troubled with self con Celt acquire a few relatives by marriage. There are some things that are too true to be very good. Any place will do if there is room enough in it to strive for a better one The matter is very serious when women won’t speak of each other. Be sure that yon are going to get ahead, then make it right. Everybody has a special brand guaranteed to work every time of the perfectly harmless kind of lie. There is little satisfaction in baiting the man who won’t roar back.

For Variety. “Did the committee whitewash him?” “Yes; with shoe blacking.”

Getting Them Mixed. “Who is that insignificant looking little man walking around the store as though he were afraid of everybody?” “That is the proprietor.” “The owner indeed. 1 had that large man with the massive brow and tfce overload of dignity picked as the proprietor.” “He is the floorwalker.” “Is the owner afraid that the floorwalker will discharge him?” “Not exactly, but he doesn’t want to take any chances.” Not Skillful. “Can your new maid cook?” “Yes. but she lacks judgment.” “How is that?” “She cooks all the salt” “Cooks all the salt?” “Yes: puts it in the soup, you know, and seems to think that the potatoes don’t need any cooking.” Proof of Superiority. “That was a beautiful lecture you gave, doctor.” “Did you like it?” “Yes, but I couldn’t understand it” “That is the beauty of it. If you could have you wouldn’t have regarded me as any smarter than you are.” Two of a Kind. “Did you enjoy yourself in Europe last summer?” “Very much.” “I didn’t know you were over. I was just making a bluff.” “I wasn’t. So was I.” He Knew It. “Is there any money in this business that you are trying to promote?” “There certainly is.” • “How do you know?” “Why, I myself put in a lot” Life Warrant. “He stole a kiss.” “What did he get?” “Banished for a week.” “Lucky man! Most of us get a life sentence.”