Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 95, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 March 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. MAN can’t understand why a wo man fusses around with her face, but watch him hustle for help when he finds the thatch leaking atop his head. Useless to try to make a married woman believe in masculine angels. -A woman blames mother-in-law for husband's shortcomings and daughter-in-law for son’s. It often costs a lot of hard cash to convince some men that they can’t pick a winner. When a man can't make a large enough fuel of himself he gets a wo? man to help, and the community is usually satisfied with the result. Most of the men who yell for opportunity wouldn’t know one if It came under the guise of work. When a woman can’t think of anything else, to do she worries because Johnny hasn't had measles yet. A woman can wear any old thing to weekly prayer meeting, but if she hasn’t a new outfit for Easter Sunday she finds it necessary to get the dinner herself;

“$o you are his sixth wife?" ‘Yes.’* “It mngt be hard to please him.” “Please him? lie minds automatically.”

Some Record. An ingenious citizen of Virginia having stolen 1.000 chickens is rated ns the champion < hicken thief of the country As he stole most of them one at a time he must have had some busy nights. But after A man has be<nx at anything for a long while he begins to lt>ok on it as his trade, and probably our hero went to bis task each night as cheerfully as the ordinary mantrots off in the mtyniir.g with his din ncr pail. ' He must have been at it nearly every every night, f-r a man like that if be skipi-ed one moonlight evening would hate to have his children crying for chicken and .to hear his wife say: “There ain't none. Your pa was too lazy last irght to bring one home.” Doubtless in time he felt that his calling was as legitimate as some of the trust magnates come to regard theirs.

Su peri or. Since they behold the jagged Alps, Some miles below them now. The flying men in search of scalps Will show the cflmet how. Wise Man. “Say!” , > “Yes.” • ' , “Do you settle your accounts every month?” “Ido.” “Why such strict rectitude?” (“I have to keep in practice or I would soon get out of the habit.” Reasoning Frcrn Analogy. “He is a very suspicious person.” “Ishe?” pi ’> ( “Very.” , “I wonder why.” “Well, he knows what he’d do if he had anybody else’s chance.” 1 Unskilled. 1 “He is a horn leader.” “That may be, but he doesn’t seem to know how to halter break a following.” . ■ u :. V