Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 89, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 February 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. vmiEN a man buys a present for his ’V sweetheart he spends’a month selecting 4t. When he does a like service for ihis wife he buys it at the corner notion store as he goes home at night. A woman doesn’t object so much to being conspicuous provided her gown fits and is the latest mode. The man who is always looking out for No. 1 often finds himself in the estimation of the community a decreasing variable whose limit is zero. A girl likes a spender, hut when it comes to marrying she wants a man who has saved enough to pay the first mouth’s flat reut. A good figure adds much to a girl’s attractiveness, particularly If It is large—and in her bank account. No woman who can't make her husband get up and get breakfast can ever hopfe to be president. While the legislator who buys an automobile after a session of the legislature may he open to suspicion, the one who goes in debt for one before the session may be premature. And then, too, the maiden aunt helps wonderfully in keeping her own generation well up to the chalk mark. When a church rummage sale is scheduled no man’s possessions are safe. That is why he wears his best clothes and a worried look. And So Kept Away.

“He is an awful bore, isn’t he?” “I should say so.” “But he has one estimable trait.” “What is that?’’ “He Is‘easily offended.” Dangerous. “He is always shooting off his mouth.” “Is that so?” “Yes.” “Should think he’d be ! afraid.” “Of what?” “Getting his head blown off.” Clever Man. “Has Brown any business sense?” “Lots of it.” “But his wife has to run a millinery establishment to support him.” “Well, not every man has sense enough to pick out that kind of a wife.” Cause For Lapse. „ His language seemed a trifle raw, Though he had promised to be good, For when the furnace will not draw Good resolutions saw no wood. Undersirables. “What are you doing for a living?” “My wife keeps boarders.” “Does it pay ?” “No.” “Why?” “Because the boarders don’t.” Conclusive. “I had an argument with a man over politics today.” v “Did you convince him?” “Sure.” “What did you say?” “I hit him with a brick.” Inquisitive. “You seem to have a grouch.” “Notice it, do you?” “You bet. What do you do for it?” “Try to give it pleasant company. Good day-”

1 sert Double Work Harness; 2 tons of Tame Hay in mow. Household Goods—l Cook Stove; 1 Heater; 1 Gasoline Stove; 1 Kitchen Cabinet; 1 Dresser; Chairs; 2 Tables; 2 .Beds; 50 quarts of Canned Fruit and [.numerous other articles. V A credit of 10 months will be given on sums over $lO, with usual conditions; 6 per cent off for cash. J. M. SNIDER. John F. Pettet, Auctioneer. T. M. Callahan, Clerk, Hot Lunch on Grounds.

PUBLIC SALE. Frank Foltz, as administrator of the estate of Simon P. Thompson, deceased, and Firman Thompson and Frank Foltz, individually, will offer at Public Auction, to the highest bidder, at Thompson’s Ranch, % mile north of Parr, Jasper county, Ind., commencing at 11 o’clock a. m. t on : WEDNESDAY, FEB. 22, 1911, 21 Head of Horses and Mules— Consisting of 1 Match Team of IronGray Mares, with foal, 6 and 12 years, wt. 2600; 1 Team of Mares, 1 bay with foal, 4 years, 1 roan, 4 years, wt. 2100; 1 Team of Gray Mares, 12 years, wt. 2200; 1 Bay Horse Colt, 3 years, wt. 800; 1 Mule Colt; 1 old Horse and 1 Gray Gelding, coming 3, wt. 800; 1 Dark Bay registered Morgan Mare, 12 years, wt. 1100, in foal to Acrobat A; 1 Roan Gelding, 5 years, wt. 950, a roadster; 1 Dark Bay Filly, coming 3, wt. 900, eligible Morgan reg.; 1 Dark Bay Spring Colt, eligible Morgan register; 1 Black Yearling Gelding; 1 Gray Yearling Filly; 3 Gray and Bay Mare Colts, 2 and 3 years, wt. 600 and 800. 60 Head Milkers and Springers— Mostly fresh in March, April and May. This lot of cows contains some excellent tested milkers; 1 full-blood Jersey Bull, 3 yrs; 1 Durham Bull, 3 years. 50 Full-Blood Registered Hampshire Ewes—Some with lambs at side, balance lamb in April; also a few choice Bucks. . j —7 20 Head of Hogs—Consisting of good grade Gilts, bred to full-blood Berkshire Boar, to farrow in April and May. Wagons, Carriages and Implements—2 Farm Wagons; 2 tw roseated Carriages; 1 Phaeton; 1 7foot Mower; 1 Gang Plow; *2 Walking Plows; 3 Cultivators; Corn Planter; Hay Rake; new steel tooth 3-section Harrow; Disc Harrow; Weerier; new 2-horse disc ..Wheat Drill; Hay Ladders; steel Hay Press, and otner farming Implements not mentioned. Also 1 DeLaval Cream Separator, practically new; some Angora Goats. A credit of 10 months wil) be given on sums over $lO, with usual conditions; 5 per cent off for cash. Monon train No. 5 from the north will stop at Parr in the forenoon on day of sale; and train No. 6 northbound will stop at Parr In the afternoon on the day of sale. S. P. THOMPSON ESTATE. Frank Foltz, Administrator. FIRMiAN THOMPSON, FRANK FOLTZ. Fred Phillips, Auctioneer. C. G. and Wood Spitler. Clerks. Hot Lunch on Grounds.