Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 82, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 January 1911 — HUMOROUS QUIPS [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS QUIPS

In the Land of Pyramids. In The country Of Old Madam Sphinx There exist, stranger things Than one thinks. But the men Of that land, they have plenty of Sand, and so has each maiden who prinks. This - Land is the Home of tbe palm And v some kinds of Spices and balm- Each child Of the fates can tell by the dates The time of each battle and calm. And,.. „ Speaking of Palms,you must know There are more than one Species that grow. Oft a man Of that land asks a maid for her Hand. So in palmistry they are not slow. But Many an old Crocodile has tossed His huge head with a smile, For the young desert flirts -Sometimes get their deserts in the Land of the sphinx and the Nile.

Smart Set.

Free For the Nonce. They tell in Nebraska of a clergyman who In the pulpit was a fearless expounder of rights and wrongs, but who in tbe domestic circle maintained for prudential reasons considerable reserve of speech and action. On one occasion when this divine visited a neighboring town the editor of the only paper published therein, which never failed to notice the presence of a stranger in town, offered the following, so worded as to prove unwittingly keen: “Dr. Carroll is once more among us for a brief stay. He says and does exactly as he thinks right without regard to the opinions or beliefs of others. “His wife is pot with him.”—Lippincott’s. The Critic’s View. “Excuse me, Watkins,” said Penley, “but would you mind giving me your opinion of a little bit of verse I have written ?” “Certainly not,” said Watkins. “Fire ahefid.” “Thanks, old man,” said Penley. “Here is the opening stanza: "I am the wind that blows away; I am the gale that ruffs the sea; I am the zephyrs soft that play In and about the woodland tree.” “Wyh,” said Watkins, lighting his pipe as he meditated, “I should say that that was a very breezy poem.”— Harper’s Weekly. 5 . ' Naturally Acquired. “I suppose you consider my hauteur mere affectation,” began Miss Parvenue. “Not at all,” Miss Bright hastened to say. “Your scornful expression is quite natural.” “Ah!” “Yes, I suppose you lived for a great many years in the neighborhood of your father’s glue factory.”—Catholic Standard and Times. The Supreme Test. “Do that couple near you really love each other?” “Do they? I have absolute proof of it.” “What is it?” “He smokes the cigars she buys him.” “Well?” “And she wears the hats he selects.” —Baltimore American. As Advertised. Customer—l see you advertise a Are sale. What have you that is marked down? The Public Benefactor—Veil, ve haflf some smoking jackets unt meerschaum pipes slightly damaged by smoke unt some raincoats unt umbrellas slightly damaged by vater!—Puck. Minority Rule. “The Idea of letting a minority rule,” said the statesman, “is impractical.” “I guess,” replied the plaid citizen thoughtfully, “that yoti never lived in a household where all the grownups were constantly occupied in trying to keep one baby pleased.”—Washington Star. A Nail Shortage. “How much is this manicure set?” “Three dollars.” “Well, I think you ought to give me a discount on it. It’s to be a present for a man who has but two fingers on his left hand.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. His Salad Days. Nebuchadnezzar was eating grass. “Anyway, I can ask friends to dinner unexpectedly without being afraid the grub won’t go around,” he boasted. Thus we see every cloud, etc.—New York Sun. Not Much to Him. “What kind of a fellow is he anyhow?” “One of these people who can go out of a room without leaving a vacancy of any kind.”—Chicago Record-Herald. The Whole or None. “Sir,” said the young man, “I come to ask you for your daughter’s hand.” “Young man,” replied the father, “I am not disposing of her in sections.”— Philadelphia Press. That’s All. “I suppose our son will soon be old enough to go to work.” “Yes—bid enough.”—Spokane Spokes-man-Review.' Doubted. “The world is my oyster.” "Stbp your fish stories.”— New York Press.