Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 82, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 January 1911 — HUMOROUS QUIPS [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS QUIPS

Heaven Bless ’Em. Wh«n the horses slip and tumble In tho wind swept „lcy streets, When the ”L” ruud patrons shiver, huddled In theMPchilly seats; When thick frost Is on the windows and the lawns are white with snow, When the clinkers clog the furnace so you cannot make It. go. What a Joy It Is to listen to the people who declare That there’s health In wintry weather and. no germs In winter air! , When the man with untrlmmed whisker* carries round a lot of Ice Dangling downward from his featured. when eggs reach their highest price. When the days are brief and gloomy* when the trains are always late. When the sidewalk's either muddy or * thing on which to skate. Is It not a rare, sweet pleasure while yam shiver to be told That we never have to battle with diseases when It’s cold? When your children have the measles or are lal(J up with the mumps. When the farmers lh the mornings harm to thaw their frozen pumps. When pneumonia, scarlet fever and m score of other Ills Keep the doctors hustling dally and Increase the monthly bills. When the quinine you have taken plagues . you so you cannot hear, Oh, how sweet It is to hear, to meet them —those whom winter serves to cheert —Chicago liecord-Herald. The Bait. ■■ ■ ''L “See here,” said the quick lunch customer to the waiter, ./‘why Is it that you are always out- of the ’specialty’ you advertise? Today it Is ‘small steak with mushrooms, 15 qents.’ And you 6ay you are all Out. Confound it, you are always out!” “Yes, sir," replied the waiter, with a gentle smile, “we make a specialty of being out, sir.” Cleveland Plain. Dealer. , Found His Vocation. Mrs. Simper—Have you picked out a profession for little Willy yet? Mrs. Snarler —Oh, yes. We are going to make a doctor of him. “And why a doctor?” “Oh, he always seems ao pleased when anybody sticks out his tongue.” —Spokane Spokesman-Review. Timely Discovery. Scrlberton (with newspaper)—And now they’re using large electro-mag-nets for raising sunken metal. | Dobberton—l wonder If I could borrow a small one somewheres. Scribberfon—You? What for? ; Dobberton—My watch is in soak.— Illustrated Sunday Magazine. Never Enough. ; . “What would - you do if you had enough money?” „ f , '-"4 “I don’t know.” “Why don’t jou know?” , “How should I? Nobody ever bad enough money.” > -•-vgß