Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 74, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1910 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

PARAGRAPHS, rpHE Providence that watches over the young, the aged and the foolish refuses to work for the auto driver who tries to beat the train across the track. Be thankful for your blessings. You will be grouchy over your adversities without any admonition. A man can never understand why a woman is so determined to destroy some worthless article that he doesn’t know but be may want some time for something or other. The congregation likes to attend church, of course. Still, It Isn’t Inconsolable when the pastor is called away over Sunday. It is sad not to have the things we want, but sadder not to want the things we have. When a man has just been refused by the only girl It really surprises him to find that the soup at dinner has its accustomed flavor. When the price of living rises a man sometimes feels that It may eventually get so high that cigar money will have to be curtailed, but it never really reaches that point. if you haven’t time to write a letter write and say so. A man will often keep all knowledge of his business from bis wife and then wonder why in thunder she doesn’t keep inside their Income. A man greatly admires a neat housewife, bat he Is always glad that the other fellow married her. Going. You notice the century slipping away. Already ten years have departed. Gone hence at the drop of the hat. you might say. And almost before It was started. The years glide along as & skater on Ice Who goes with the wind as a chaser. Nor can we according to legal advice Apply to Just one an eraser. It seems hut a minute, to stretch It a mite. Since In came the century rolling With ringing of Joy bells and howling all .night. Its merits potential extolling.^ To look forward then to a finished decade Appeared quite a distance to travel; But, rolling along on the smooth, even grade. It didn’t take long to unravel And things of importance and weight have occurred. The record piled letter on letter— Yes, volumes and volumes of deed and of word— . Bpt have you grown richer or better? The glance retrospective you timidly take Reveals the high peaks that you vaulted. But where Is the record you promised to make And where Is the dough that you salted? With measure as that of the poets sublime The centuries move In procession. They step Into history one at a time, Not asking nor giving concession. Ten years have been added with no cost or fee Since time this young century wedded. And that’s about all of the difference you see ; Unless you’re a trifle baldheaded.

Very True. “Yon can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” “That isn’t what is the matter with me.” *ls anything the matter with you ?” “Yes; I can’t teach my new dog old tricks.” Didn’t Need Double Dole. “Doctor, have you some strong medicine?” “Here is some strong enough to kill you.” “Never mind; your hill will do that.” Revised.

“Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.” “I know a better one than that” “What Is itr “Don’t hatch your chickens before you know where yon are going to get the stuff to feed them on.” Down to Necessities. “She tells me she Is a very economical woman.” “So she Is. She was away three weeks and only telegraphed home twice after the health of the dog.” Nothing Dotag. “You said yon could help any time.” “Oh, no.” “I thought you did.” “No. I said I could help you any time bpt now. And that bolds.” Its Cunning Way. The revolution may be “canned,” But It refuses to stay put Though Diaz has it well in hand. Re wishes it were under foot.