Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 73, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 December 1910 — Page 8

LEMONS.

A Slang Expression Leads to a Serious Blunder. • . .

By CLARISSA MACKIE.

fCopyright, 1910, by American Press Asso , elation.] Amy Winfield reread the telegranr with a puzzled frown, and this secont perusal was not enlightening: Sending lemons by express today. Good by J TED. Why should her lover send an offer Ing of this citrous fruit? And whj should he say -Goodby,” and where was he going? ' All these questions Amy asked 01 the empty air, and the empty air made no response. She squeezed the message into a tiny ball and tossed' it into the waste paper basket just as her younj brother entered the library. Short and thickset and snub nosec and grubby was little Bert Winfield but he fairly seethed with the desire t< Impart knowledge of every description and his fountain of wisdom was per petually supplied from the various forms of literature that found then source in the discarded books and magazines that he fished from the li brary waste paper basket. Amy looked up now with her pleas ant smile. “Going anywhere near the station today, Bert?” “Nope," returned the seeker aftei knowledge. “I may go tomorrow, though. Why?" He dropped on hh knees beside the table and groped in the waste paper basket. “I’m expecting a box or a crate oi something. I don’t just know what.” “What's in it?" demanded Bert, with a brother's privilege. “Lemons,” returned Amy. “Lemons?” repeated Bert. “What are you going to do with lemons’ Somebody been handing you a lemon?" he asked, reverting to common slang. “I don’t know what you mean,” replied his sister with dignity. “But some one has sent me a box of lemons And”— “It was Teddy Newton,” declared Bert, spreading out the crumpled telegram on his knee. “Ain’t be the limit?” “Say ‘is he not’ instead of ‘ain’t,”' corrected Amy, “and how do you know Teddy sent them?’ “Is he not?” repeated Bert obediently. “And I’m reading the telegram, and

CALLED THE DOG BY NAME.

that’s how I know. Say, he's fierce, Amy, ain’t he—is he not—l mean?" “I think it is very thoughtful in Ted to send down lemons." said Amy cold ly. “He knows we are all fond of lemonade.” ! »-^Lb-h£' sported Bert scornfully. “Don't ymu""see any other meaning in that message, Amy? Why, he’s giving you the shake—don’t you see?” “Bert WlnfielcC what do you mean*' I shall tell father what you have said!” cried Amy indignantly. “Tell him,” retorted Bert gloomily. “What did you mean about the lemons, Bert?” insisted his sister uneasily. “I must explain about what ‘banding lemon' means.” returned Bert dlma *tically. “It’s a quiet way of telling be ‘ IJer you have no use for him. You jEe. Teddy says he’s sending lemons by express—that means he's shaking you at once, right away in a hurry—and don't he say goodby? You’re BlOW.” - Slowly Amy gathered the conviction that her little brother was right. Her doubting heart told her that Ted must be tired of her. They bad quarreled a little the last time he had called, and she bad not heard from him since. He was tired, of her, and this cool, contemptuous way of dismissing their beautiful romance turned all her tender love to bitterness. The next day Bert returned from the express office with the cheerful announcement that there were no lemons awaiting his sister. Several days—a week—passed, and no lemons arrived for Amy Winfield, and so the dread conviction that she had been jilted came to be an established fact. Then it was that Amy went around looking very pale and wan and, gathering one by one the treasures that she had cherished as gifts from her lover, bundled them together and sent them back to Teddy Newton, with a telegram as brief as his own and pathetically Imitative: t Sending: lemons by express. AMY. About this time little Bert Winfield

came Into possession of a dog. the handsomest bit of canine blood and flesh that one might see—an Irish bull, pure white, with yellow spots and a kindly, ugly face and protruding eyes of faithful brown. „ “Isn’t he the dearest?" murmured Amy, kneeling before the dog and submitting to the caresses of his velvet duk tongue. “Where did you get him, Bert?” “Uncle Abe gave him to me. Says he bought him off the express agent in Traymore. He's my birthday present. I did want a collie, you know,' Amy, but I suppose Uncle Abe did the best he could. Perhaps this little feller was all he could afford,” said Bert kindly. “1 heard him tell dad that the last panic put a crimp in his pocketbook.”,: “A crimp?” repeated gentle Amy reprovingly. “What is that, Bert—more slang, dear?” “Um huh!" returned Bert “What shall I name the dog, Amy? I thought some of calling him Teddy. What do you think?” “Teddy! Why?” gasped Miss Winfield indignantly. "I forbid you to name him after Teddy Newton!” “Ah-h!” groaned Bert disgustedly. “I meant after Teddy Roosevelt “Who’d want to uamte a dog after Teddy Newton?” e “Perhaps he has a name, dear,” suggested Amy. “Have you tried calling him by some names?” “Sure! I've called him Fido and Lion and Rex and Bruno and Pete and even Old Dog Tray, and he won’t cbme until he gets ready. He must have a name of some kind. I’m going to begin to call him Teddy—if you don’t mind too much, sis,” he added magnanimously. “Call him anything you like, dear,” said Amy sadly, and something in her tone roused Bert to indignation. “I won’t call him Teddy after anybody. I guess, sis—anybody that will send lemons to a girl and do it by telegram. Well—down, sir: down, I say! Look at him. sis!” The dog climbed playfully over his little master, caressed him with paws and tongue and loved him with soft brown eyes. “I'll call him Pup for awhile.” said Bert, and so the matter was settled. A week later Amy received another disquieting telegram from her erstwhile lover: Why return lemons? Thought to please you. TED. To which Miss Winfield gave much thought, many bitter tears and the following lucid reply: Returned my own lemons to you. Am much pleased. AMY. And in due time came the following message: - Lemons not received to date. Change your mind and keep. TED.

Its reply. “Decision irrevocable; goodby—Amy,” brought forth one more telegram from Mr. Newton, and it bespoke that gentleman’s masterful disposition : No decision irrevocable where we are concerned. Walt till I see you. TED. “The Impertinence!” gasped Amy indignantly. “I shall not see him if he comes! After jilting me in that heart less manner, to endeavor to ignore the matter and make it up—never, never never!" That same day Miss Winfield received an express package containing the objects she had mailed to Mr. Newton—all the books and music and the engagement ring and even the love letters, which any man might have been excused from retrieving when the opportunity offered. But Teddy was square in some things, Amy grudgingly agreed, and so she put the treasures away with a little degree of comfort, for these latter weeks had been full of storm and stress and very different from those earlier, happier weeks of her engagement. Then one evening when the first frost lay sparkling on the garden Amy, wrapped in shawls, stood at the gate entranced with the witchery of the moonlight. She was there when Mr. Teddy Newton strode up to the gate and in his masterful way took her in his arms and kissed away her protests. “What is the matter with you. dearest? You've had me half crazy. I just stole the time” to run down and try to square our misunderstanding. Surely you don’t harbor anger over that little quarrel”— “What made you hand me the lemons?” sobbed Amy in his bosom, whiles Mr. Newton cast his eyes aloft in amazement.

a “Hand you the lemons? Explain. Tell me all about It. There is some mistake.” he soothed her. And so she told the story of the telegrams and the elucidation of that wiseacre. Bert, and when she had concluded Mr. Newton burst Into such a roar of laughter that once more bis sweetheart was indignant. ‘'Let me explain—there. After our quarrel I wanted to send a peace offering. and so I bought you the best dog I could find—Lemons by name, if you please. Sent him down by express and by a series of accidents have discovered that he went astray—tag gone from crate—jtnd fetched up at Traynibre station. The agent kept him awhile and. being of a thrifty nature, sold him to your Uncle Abe. who presented him to Bert—the little rascal! He'll lose the pup. Amy. for he Is yours. Didn’t you get the letter I sent Lefore the first telegram?" “Never." said Amy. “It’s ended all right, anyway.” commented Mr. Newton philosophically. “Jg-t to that his nam« i« Lemons”— He whistled sharply and called the dog by name. * - There was a scurrying of little feet on the gravel path, and the bull pup flashed upon them' and Into their mutual embrace.

DIAZ TROOPS ARE NEARSTARVATION

Navarro’s Army Is Said to Be Killing and Eating Horses. REBELSSURROUNDPEDERNALES Government Troops Will Make Supreme Effort to Break the Rebel Lines to Succor the Hungry and Harrassed.Army. . ■ ■ El Paso. Tex., Dec 23. —The success pUthe insurrectcs has caused the Mexican government to make a supreme effort to break through their lires to give relief to Gen. Navarro, said to be reduced to the straits of killing his horses to feed his men, and crush out the uprising. A thousand additional troops arrived yesterday from Mexico City at Chihuahua and another thousand is expected’ today. Samuel G. Cuellar, aide de camp on the staff of President Diaz. has. been assigned the task of breaking through the cordon of insurgents between Chihuahua and Pedernales, where Gen. Navarro and his army are starving. He will come at once from Mexico City, will gather up the depleted forces of Col. Guzman, so badly beaien at Mai Paso, and will force his way through the mountains, if possible, and open the railroad again. T It is said that the railroad will reopen if it is necessary to station a soldier every ten feet, and the rebels reply that this will certainly be necessary. A battery of field artillery accompanying 1,000 troops left Chihuahua oh trains bound for San Antonio, ten miles from Mai Pass, where they will be joined by the remnant of Guzman’s command from Bustillcs and there await the arrival of Col. Cuellar, when they will attempt to dislodge the rebels and get through to the front. Americans who have got through on horseback from the vicinity of Pedernales and La Junta bring the report that Navarro is so hard pressed that his soldiers have no time to sleep, and that the dead are left on the battlefield. The soldiers have been reduced to eating horse meat to keep from starving. the rebels having them so completely surrounded that they are not able to get supplies of any kind. MEXICAN TOWNS DESERTED Refugees Cross Border Into Texas Through Fear of Armed Bands. Marathon, Tex., Dec. 23. Advices received here from Teilingun, situated on the Rio Grande. 120 mites south of here, says that hundreds of Mexican men, women and children have deserted the towns and villages on the Mexican side of the river and crossed into Texas through fear of the armed bands of men who are roaming up and down the border. Many ,of these refugees are in a destitute condition, without food or shelter.

WEATHER EVERYWHERE Latest observations of U. S. weather bureau, Washington: Temp. Weather. New York 27 Clear Albany 14 Clear Atlantic City...... 22 Clear Boston ..24 Clear Buffalo .26 Clear Chicago 34 Cloudy St. Louis 36 Cloudy New' 0r1ean5......60 Cloudy Washington 26 Clear Philadelphia 28 Clear Weather Forecast. Illinois and Wisconsin—Fair and colder today and tomorrow. Indiana —Rain or snow today, fair and colder tomorrow.

THE MARKETS.

Chicago Live Stock. Hogs —Receipts 26,000. Quotations ranged at [email protected] choice heavy, $7.80@7:85 light, [email protected] heavy packing, and [email protected] good to choice pigs. Cattle—Receipts 8,000. Quotations ranged at [email protected] prime steers, [email protected] good to choice beef cows, $4 [email protected] good to choice heifers, $5.35 @5.65 selected feeders, [email protected] selected stockers, [email protected] good to Choice veal calves. Sheep—Receipts 20,000. Quotations ranged at [email protected] good to choice lambs, $5.25@ 5.75 good to choice yearling wethers, [email protected] good to choice wethers, $3 [email protected] good to choice ewes. Potatoes. Choice to fancy, 43@45c per bu; fair to good, 38 @4 2c. Butter. Creamer, extra, 29c per lb; prints, 32%c; extra firsts, 28c; firsts, 25%c; dairies extra, 27c; firsts, 25c; packing stock, 22c. East Buffalo Live Stock. Dunning & Stevens, Live Stock Commission Merchants, East Buffalo, N. Y., 2 cars; market steady. Hogs—Receipts 25 cars; market steady; heavy and Yorkers, sß.lo@ 8.20; pigs, $8.20@ 8.25. Sheep—Receipts 15 cars; market slow;' best lambs, [email protected]; yearlings, [email protected]; wethers.s4.oo@4?2s; ewes, [email protected]. Calves, >[email protected].

Here It la, THIS . 1 S t ■to ■. / e ' I i - a w ■ o ■ o n must grab when. Worn and weary, borne we go and eo dust off the cobwebs now. ‘Twill soon be time to shovel ] SNOW! —Detroit Free Press.

How It Looked to Him.

Mrs. Dresser was looking over the grocer's bill. “How many pounds are there in a peck. Henry?” she asked. Her husband looked up from his newspaper. “Are you trying to figure out the weight of your latest coiffure, my dear?” he asked.—Sunday Illustrated Magazine.

A New Year’s Toast

Lift high thj- beaker. love: let's quaff The cup of cheer. Another year in which to laugh Has come, my dear. AH breaking hearts with joy we'll mend. AH weak ones strong We'll make if to the New Year's end We carry song Then let us drink .again, dear heart. Away with fear! Away with grief! WeTl do our part This glad New Year. —Los Angeles Times.

The One Place.

“That Mrs. Gossip seems to be at home wherever she may be.” “Well. I saw her m a place yesterday where she seemed decidedly restless and uneasy.” “You don't sty! Where was that?” “At home.”—Catholic Standard and Times.

Advantages of Poverty.

Borne complain that time hangs heavy. And they whine; Even gather in a bevy To repine. That's a thing which doesn’t worry Poorer folk. Time is always in a hurry When you’re broke. Yes, time fairly goes a-hunting In a streak .s When you have collectors coming Every week. —Louisville Courier-Journal.

Chastisement.

“What has become of that political leader who used to threaten us with all sorts of things if we didn’t behave?” asked one voter. “I don't know." replied the other. “I suspect he is giving us the silence discipline.”—Washington Star.

The Quitter.

To drink no more 1 now resolve— Except when I am dry— And smoking, too. I shun, of course— At least, that U. I’U try. And flirting? Well, it's rather hard. But )ike cures like, they say, And so to break myself I'll try The homeopathic way. And spending money, too, Til quit— As soon as it’s all gone— That is. unless my watch will bring Ten dollars more in pawn. < —Bohemian.

Forty Cents a Pound.

“Say, what is a microtome?” “A delicate scientific instrument with which shavings one one-thousandth of an inch thick can be cut” “Oh, yes. The fellow I buy my bacon of has one.”—Cleveland Leader.

Unfooled.

She painted her cheeks. But she didn’t fool me. She painted her cheeks. And she did it in streaks. It was easy to see She had painted her cheeks, So she didn’t fool me. —Detroit Free Press.

Caught In the Rain.

“ ’Ere’s a rummy lookin’ chap, Garge.” “’B’s a Parsee—one of those blokes wot worships the sun, Willyum.” “Over ’ere oh a ’oliday, I suppose?" —Bystander.

Of Course.

The hotel differs from the beanery— Serves dishes with a touch of greenery. Of course the score Is somewhat more. But one expects to pay for scenery. —Kansas City Journal.

Somewhat Different.

“My name.” said the great tragedian, “has adorned many billboards.” “And mine,” rejoined the low comedian, “has adorned many board bills.” —Chicago News. - 4

Stuck.

“I swear." old Charon said in wrath, “here is a pretty fix! This ferryboat won’t go at all because the river Styx!” —Galveston News.

Imagination.

“Has your husband a mind of his own?” “Well, he thinks it’s his own.”—Spokane Spokesman-Review.

What’s the Use?

He never looks /When high winds flirt. For every skirt’s A hobble skirt. —Houston Post.

Enough!

“Is that man crazy, or what?" “No; don’t you see he’s acting In front of a moving picture camera.”— Boston Herald.

SIRES AND SONS.

j Mr. S. GouHchambaroff is the chief I petroleum geologist of the Russian | government ■ It is said in Paris that the Prince de Sagan is a walking monument of debt j He enjoys the distinction of owing more money than any private person in France. ’ Senator Depew is seventy-seven I years old. He will be succeeded by I a Democrat as the ‘outcome. of the r election. Senator Depew says he is l glad to retire. Dr. Alfonso Costa, the minister of i Justice in the provisional republican \ government, is considered the most . brilliant republican orator and the best I lawyer in Portugal. “Our Inkiest i>eer'' is a title beI stowed Ujxju the Marquis of Butte, At the age of twenty-eight be is one of the richest men in the United Kingdom. his annual income being estimated at more than $1,000,000. Robert T. Lincoln of Chicago, son of Abraham Lincoln and president of the Puilman Car company, has teased a house in Washington. Since his term as secretary of war expired in 1885 Mr. Lincoln has made only occasional visits to the national capital. ’ Ernest Rutherford, professor •of physics in the University of Manchester. is the highest living authority on radio-activity. He is credited with the discovery that all matter in its ultimate constituents is the same, and many of the problems of arrangement and combination have been solved by him. Professor Rutherford was born in New Zealand in IS7I.

The Writers.

Mrs. Lionel Marks, known in literature as Josephine Preston Peabody, is the mother of two charming children, which is as much a matter of pride with her as her success as an author. Mrs. Elinor Glyn, the author, is in private life Mrs. Clayton Glyn. the wife of an English squire and justice of the peace. She is described as tall and slender, with a very white face surrounded by masses of anbum hair. Maurice Maeterlinck, one of the foremost writers of prose and verse in the French language, can have a seat among the forty immortals of the French academy for the asking, but he must first become a French citizen. He is by birth a Belgian and loves his country.. His compatriots urge him not to abandon Belgium.

Short Stories.

There is an average of about one cow to every fire persons in the United States. Diamonds and laces run a close race with tobacco and liquors in popular favor as measured by the value of their imports. The United States is estimated to use 37,000,000 tons of ice a year, of which 22.000,000 tons are natural ice and 15,000.000 tons are artificiaL A Rotterdam blacksmith was so overcome with joy on bearing that he had won $40,000 in a lottery that in his excitement he lit his pipe with the ticket and is now unable to prove his claim.

English Etchings.

, There is one clergyman to every 2,000 persons in London. On the jury at a London coroner’s court recently were a • Mr. Scrooge, a Mr. Dickens and a Mr, Dombey. Only one lord mayor of London has died while in office since 1770. This was Lord Mayor Nottage, who expired on April 11, 1885. A Liverpool building is to have the largest clock in England, with dials twenty-four feet in diameter. The dials on the clock in St. Paul’s, London, are twenty-two feet six inches.

State Lines.

It’s mighty lucky for New York state that all her 9,000,000 people have not seen South Carolina.—Charleston News ami Courier. Indiana accounts for its comparatively poor showing in census returns by the fact that most of its authors have moved to New York.—Philadelphia Inquirer. The danger is that just as soon as Missouri gets its new state song and a state flower some one will bob up with a demand for a Missouri “slogan.”—Kansas City Star.

Aerial Flights.

Aviation has one advantage over other modes of travel—you can always be sure of making good time on the return trip.—Boston Transcript. Aviation is said to produce irritability and nervousness. It is at least true that too many aviators are falling out.—St Louis Globe-Democrat Plenty of ordinary people have garages now, but only a few of us are able as yet to point with pride to our hangars.—Chicago Record-Herald.

Tales of Cities.

There are nineteen cases of duplicate street names in the city of Manchester, N. H. A number of apartment houses of four or five stories, with basement rooms two to four stories below the street level, are being built in Amsterdam. Holland. _ San Francisco luxuriates in water baths away from the sea. Private houses hare salt plunges, anti there are a number of public bath houses fed virith sea water. '

The Democrat office is well equipped to do the better grades of job printing.

From the Watch A Tower Wrptt of J Assured Business and □ Established Trade the Successful Merchant Looks down upon the mob of men who failed to succeed in business because they did not ADV ERTISE RARE 6HANCE’ Big Pay for Solicitors! THE CINCINNATI WEEKEY EN QU I RE R is offering Five Thousand Dollars in cash premiums to solicitors, in addition to a liberal commission that is more than ample to pay one’s expenses, besides affording a living profit, while engaged in the work of soliciting subscriptions. THE WEEKLY ENQUIRER is now a twenty-four page magazinestyle paper, chuck full of reading most acceptable to any well-ordered home. Each issue contains a sermon by Pastor Russell, an essay by Dr. Madison C. Peters, a serial and short stories, natural history, general news and special record of political and national affairs that are of interest to all people, cut patterns for ladies and youths, and miscellaneous matter, all of high moral influence ; also mdrket reports from all commercial centers, and veterinary columns. The editor’s aim being to present the reader with an exceptionally good family journal of superior merit; free from all matters that antagonize morality, j ustice and truth. To circulate such a paper, all well-meaning persons can benefit their community and add their mite in the uplifting of civic and political thought and action. Any person, lady or gentleman, with leisure hours, desirous of doing a good turn for the community, at the same time earning fair payment, should apply at once for particulars by writing to THE ENQUIRER. Cincinnati, O.

gou are respectfully mbitett to call our office for tfje purpose of examining sample# anti taking prices of grabeb Catting Carbs, Invitations, etc. (£ur toorfe tfje best, styles tfje latest anb prices the lotoest.

Farm Insurance The Home Insurance Co., of New York Surplus to Policy Holders,. Losses paid over One Hundred Million Dollars INSURES AGAINST LOSS BY FIRE, LIGHTNING, WIND-STORMS, AND TORNADOES. On the Installment Cash or Single Note Plan, and refers to any of the many thousands who have been promptly paid for loss by Fire, Lightning, Wind-storm’ or Tornado, or to any Banker or Business Man in America. THE BEST IS CHEAPEST INSURE IN THE HOME. R. D. THOMPSON, AgM RENSSELAER, IND.