Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 61, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 November 1910 — HUMOROUS QUIPS [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS QUIPS

The Man's the Man. “The man's the man." my Barney say»An' Barney's newly marrie.l—“He's the wan that knows the ways The burdens should be carried. ■' Let the woman wear the grace An' pleasin' pranks o' beauty. Yet be mindful of her place An',of her wifely duty. By the crown within my hat. The chief of all our riches. I ll be king o' this an’ that. An’ <re I’ll Wear the breeches! Yes. an', need be, I can teach The 'Spanish way* o' walkin'.*' There's my Barney’s manful speech. X iisten to him talkin'. ‘The man's the man,” my Barney says, An*, faith, my thoughts are carried Back to well remembered days When. I was newly married. An' there's wan that's lookin’ down Upon this house this minute Knows who was it wore the crown The whiles herself was in it. • Dull I was, but plain as day ’Tis now I’m seein' through It How she let me have her way. An* sure I never knew it. Puffed wid pride as I could be An' struttin' round an’ squawkin’, “Man's the man!” sez I, an' she— She listened to me talkin’, — J T. M. Daly in Catholic Standard and . . Times . Sure Sign. “Notice that homely woman with a big hat hanging to a strap?” “Which one?’ “The one right in front of you, next to those two men sitting down and reading papers.” “Yes. I see the. woman, but her back Is turned. How do you know she’s homely?” “The men are still reading their papers. and she’s still hanging to a strap.”—Cleveland Leader.

An Industry Threatened. > “What you want to do is to have that mudhole in the road fixed.” said the visitor. “That goes- to show,” replied Farther Cprntossel. "how little you reformers understand local conditions. I’ve purty nigh paid off a mortgage with the money I made haulin’ automobiles out O’ that mudhole.”—Washington Star. Mistook His Meaning. Mr. Recentmarrie—Why have you made this bread with a hole through It, like a doughnut, dearest? Mrs. Recentmarrie—Why. it’s the kind you asked me to make, John. Don't you remember saying you fished I would try my luck with hole wheat bread?—Philadelphia Press. What’s In a Name? “I don’t like your heart action,” the doctor said, applying the stethoscope again. “Yon have had some trouble with angina pectoris." “You’re partly right, doctor,” said the young man sheepishly, “only that ain’t her name.”—Ladies’ Home Journal. A Difficult Feat. “In choosing his men,” said the Sabbath school superintendent, “Gideon did not select those who laid aside their arms and threw themselves down to drink. He took those who watched with one eye and drank with the other.”—Herald and Presbyter. Handy Trick. Dinks—So you enjoyed the circus? Winks—Yes; I was particularly interested in the juggler. I’ll bet that man could get any number of bundles from a street car to the train without dropping one of them.—St. Louis Times. Nothing to Talk. About. “I don’t see that Brown’s vacation did him any good.” “Why notr “He hasn’t had a word to say. Evidently he didn’t do anything worth talking about.”—Detroit Free Press.

First and Foremost. "My wife has a great deal to say to me about her first husband.” “Nonsense. Your wife was never married before.” “I know it. That’s what makes her reflections so painful.”—Puck. The Gown Puzzle. He—Hello! Aren’t you pleased with your new frock ? She—Oh, yes, only I’m not quite sure whether it is torn dowp the back or whether it is merely the latest fashion.—Merry Thought. Prevention. “Where did your daughter study muaicT “Why do you ask?” “I want to have the place pulled before further damage is done.”—New York Press. t Limited Capacity. Said He— Algernon and Evelyn are “two souls with but a single thought” Said She—That’s too bad. Both together are incapable of supplying more than half an idea. —Chicago News