Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 September 1910 — GANDERBONE'S FORECAST [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GANDERBONE'S FORECAST

—m f.y. ' »" FOR OCTOBER. (Copyright 1910 by C. H. Reith.) OCTOBER. O, T. Roosevelt has come back to the West! Of all the Rough Riders his luck was the best. He rode from Dakotah to San Juan Hill, And he found him the Spaniards he wanted to kill Shouting, “Into ’em, Teddy An' into ’em deep!” And the men of Granada Went down in a heap. He rested his broncho and fed him his fill, and then he rode him up Capitol Hill. He wasn’t expecting or asking a thing, but he landed right in the political ring, shouting “ Into ’em, Teddy, and into ’em plump!” and the poor politicians went down in a lump. He watered his pinto and fed him -some oats, And then he remounted and hunted some goats. He found him sopie people who didn't agree With all his notions, and gave a Whoop-pee, Yelling. “Into 'em, Teddy, An’ into ’em hot!” _ _ And he knocked them all into The pittomless hot. He hobbled his charger and gave him some grass, and then he went after someone in his class. He put up a lion with blood in its eye, and he clapped on the spurs with a terrible cry, saying “into 'im Teddy, an’ into im hard!" and the lion passed on to his final reward. He breathed his good mustang and looked him around, But further adventure was not to be found. So he pulled up his trousers and pulled down his vest,; And slowly rode back to his oldentime West, Shouting, “Back to ’em, Teddy, An’ back to ’em proud!” And they gathered about him And solemnly bowed.

lie rode in his saddle, and lie j rode on 'his head, and he put all j the tenderfeet under the bed. He dashed East, and he dashed . to the West (and he halted before them, expanding his chest, saying, “Three cheers for Teddy, the pride of the W est!’’ and they. took a great pleasure in doing the rest. j 1 October is from the Latin octo, meaning eight, and it was formerly the eighth month in the year. This -brought the football season around at a time when there was grave danger of being suffocated before the ball was even put into play, and there was a great deal of dissatisfaction at the old Greek and Roman universities. A change was frequently talked of, but it j remained for Xuma Pompilius. who was one of the early friends’ of education, to do anything ( about it. In 713 I*. G. lie moved : October along to its present place in the calendar, and now the quarterback on a football team : always savs before snapping the > ball,' Numa, Numa. / • ' , B. C. - Come seven. One, three! After which the rooters, who reached a very high state of efficiency in the latter days of Xuma, ! - recite, . ' •- rj

Nuraa, Numa, Boomalooma, Come seven, One, three, B. C. Whoopee! Siwash! or whatever the name of the school is, as you may hear them doing any time this month' by following the riot wagon when it passes. Until the 23d of the month, October will be under the influence of Libra, the Balance, which is the seventh sign of the zodiac. This will enable everybody running for office to keep on the fence pretty well as to the real issues of the campaign, but when, the sun passes out of that constellation on the following day they will begin dropping on Qne side or the other, and it Will be easier to make out who the true friends of the people are' After th£ 23d we will be influenced by Scorpio, the Scorpion, which is aJmost meaningless now but in early times typified the manner iri which the north wind' stung the old Greeks, who were in the habit ,of going until very late in the season without having

on any wear to speak of, eithef over or under. A bit of Fall is as nice a thing As I know anything about — When the pumkin pie is ripening, And the time is opportune for kraut. When the hunter gets his trappings out, Awakened by the time of year. And the farmer, furious without, And hot within, begins to shout,, “Get ou-u-u-u-u-t of here!” “Get ou-u-u-u-u-t of here —dadblame your 'skin! ” Ah, that’s the proper time to ■ sigh— ; When the squirrel gets his goodies in Against the winter by-and-by. When the bending reaches the sky Are very soft and very near, And the farmer, with a watchful eye. Begins to hop around and cry, “Get ou-u-u-u-u-t of here!” Get ou-u-u-u-u-u-t of here —you . bl an ky-blan k! ” Ah, that’s the season of them all— When winter hangs upon the flank Of the wild goose passing in the falk When the plaintive quail begins to call Across the golden fields and sere. And the farmer bursting from the tall . With leaps and bounds, begins to bawl: “Get ou-u-u-u-u-u-t of here!” V . ■ The melancholy days will come and the pheasant will intone his drum upon the sad and drowsy wind in the solemn manner of his kind. The booming frog will sniff the breeze and fall to digging on his knees, and the buckwheat cake will take a cra.ck at this fool thing of coming back. It may be Jeffries and his strain are never quite themselves again, but the pickled pig’s foot and the west are always equal to the test. They never dissipate j a hit. hut spend the summer prime laud fit. and let the frost succeed ! the dew, and they’re there, you bet, as good as new. The doughy oyster on his shell, the cliitliij looking strong and well, and clear and resolute of eye. the hardy brands of winter pie. The applebutter, juice and | flake, the same that mother used Ito make, and the crackling of jour youthful lot the cock and cap- | tain of the pot.'

The football season will revert, and the center rush will paw the dirt. He’ll wake the natives with his roar, and bawl for victory and gore. The piled-up dying and the dead will mass against his butting head, and he’ll spin the planet in his rage just like a ’ squirrel in his cage. Alas for those who calmly sit devising to denature it, and all the college renegades who think to temper it for maids! The students and the teachers howl, and the teachers and the rooters yowl, and damned be he who does not rise and kill somebody twice his size. The aeroplanes will cruise the air above the old-time county fair, and the lucky winner be he who wins the best two falls in three. The farmer in his limousine will tool around upon the green, aiid ’the hired man will seize the chance to wear his other pair of pants. The softer weather will defy The blandishments of June, And the month will give us by and ■ by A The oflicehunter s moon. A chop will cost four bits a pound. And beef a buck to bite. And the wolf will wear a groove around The cabin every night. .

The 418th anniversary of the discovery of America by Christopher Columbus will be celebrated on the night of the 14th bv the seven Guggenheim brothers. Mr. Roosevelt will be stage manager again this month. The villain will be the "Demon Rum. Mr. Bryan will be the father of the stolen child, and Mr. Cannon. who made the password Hell last month, will change it to read Hell-p!

t., ■ - j And then November will return ; With cold and chilly draft, jAnd the wild goose going down the I lino i With Winter biting aft. j :