Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 July 1910 — GANDERBONES FORECAST [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GANDERBONES FORECAST

FOR AUGUST. (Copyright 1910, by C. H. Reith.) AUGUST. Last year, Alack and alas! Beverly, Mass., And Bill on the flat Of his back in the grass Sounding the depths Of the opaline Sky And watching the clouds Floating dreamingly by. Last year, Alack and alas! Beverly, Mass. This year, * Sagamore Hill, Strenuous still, And no one comlplaining For want of a thrill, Shindy and sass Just as certain as fate— Beverly, Mass., Can dream early or late, Snore as it pleases , And snooze as it will' — . - ■ This year, Sagamore Hill. Of August it may first be said, its narrje is from Augustus,whom men have likened unto Ted, perhaps wiUhout injustice. He made the world go round about as many times a minute, and the news was always dull without the great Augustus in it. He had his Ananias Club for liars and for fakers, and he loved to sail his little tub among the Roman breakers. He counted peace a sort of plague, and never did pursue it, but let it rally at The Hague, and you couldn’t beat him to it.

He preached about the same old things that Teddy has been preadhing, arid most of Rome’s awakenings resulted from his teaching. He battled hotly for the right, and valiantly imbued it; and the stork could not attempt to light but what he up and slhooed it. There was, however, one affair to tell which is to tattle, and that was where this Roman dear was coming in from battle. He had, of course, put everything opposing Ihim to slumber, and Rome awaited him to sing some laudatory number. But here the parallel desists. Augustus said them,No, sir! and when he entered with his lists it might lhave been the grocer tor all the greeting that lie got from that admiring chorus, the which desire, of course, was not a bit like Tlheodorus. But howsoever, when he died the month that loves to rill us was being written far and wide the season of Sextilus. They wanted to commemorate the hot time he presented the nation with, at any rate, so August was invented. The dog days will resume again And the man who voted water With the weather down to eight or Below will grow the hotter With wishing that he had foreseen The season hot and stewing, And nothing but a choice between Pink lemonade and bluing. It will not strike him, we’re afraid, as when the cold was stinging, and up and down flhe wind-swept street the icicles were clinging. There’s nothing like a dry parade, the shouts of Hallelulliah, and the children skillfully arrayed for what you want to fool you. It’s vert' easy to forget there’s such a thing as Summer, or such a quantity as sweat, what time the busy drummer is rub-a-dub-bing up the street a million biunps a minute, and the line sweeps by with rhythmic feet and the little shavers in it.

It somehow makes it seem that booze is only fit for motors, and in the scuffle that ensues not very many voters bethink them that a chance remains that milk won’t give them gristle to last when August boils their brains and their ears begin to whiste. A crafty temperance is that contriving its elections wihen Boreas is at the bat in these disputed sections. There is a time for everything, to labor and to potter, and one to sit way back and sing inaudibty for water. At any rate the world will spin With every small pretension, And the Fall elections will begin To clamor for attention. The next few"" weeks will fire the gun Repeatedly and oftly, And a lot of folks begin to run For office very softly.

The bold insurgent will have polled the principal chautauquas, arid Will by that time have been told how far discreet his balk was,, or if to follow his attack with further demonstration, or quietly to tip-toe back upOn the reservation. The hopeful Democrat will tool 'this way and that way training, and hope to have us as a rule have none of their explaining. He’ll carefully trim up his wicks and get his pump pulsating, and pass the grand stand every six or seven seconds waiting. - There'll be some dust put up, it seems, when this event gets going, and some things starting at the seams that wanted proper sewing. No wonder Roosevelt came back, and nowadays his gun is rusting in the shooting rack, when here is w<here the ini. is. The time of green and growing things will near its termination, and the song of thrasher sweetly sings will come with moderation. We’ll sort o’ think of autumn time, tihe hunter and the nutter, and the fishing hole will wear a slime as thick as apple butter. ■ ' ■ iAnd then September will return In good autumnal fashion. And the poet fall upon his harp In something of a passaon.