Jasper County Democrat, Volume 13, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 June 1910 — GANDERBONE'S FORECAST [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GANDERBONE'S FORECAST

FOR JULY. (Copyright 1910, by C. H. Reith.) When the Ballinger trial is ended. And the jury has said what it thinks; When the case has been made and defended . With the wonted political winks— We shall smile—and gads, we shall need to That feel it as well had been dropped, And the Guggenheim crowd will proceed to Resume where it was when it stopped. The signs shall come down in the timber, And the patents shall tie up the coal. The law will get flabby and limber, And the trusts will do well on the whole. f It always turns out in that manner, Although we may blush to confess It, And we do not regard it a banner 3 Achievement, exactly, to guess it.

1 July is a tribute to Caesar. One day, with some other insurgents, he talked by the Pillar of Pompey on things of political urgence. He was just on the point of explaining the key to some government riddle when a party of regulars jumped him and cut him in two in the middle. There were Decius Brutus, the speaker, and Cassius, boss of the Senate, together with others insistent upon some political tenet. “The party forever!” they shouted, and what with that terrible slasher Servilius Casca great Caesar as well had been run through a hasher. At any rate, Antony found him cut up into fodder for fishes, and begged this request Of the Romans, who granted the least of his wishes. And thus it has happened and shall be so long as the Tiber runs by the Pillar of Pompey that Caesar shall live in the name of July.

The Fourth shall return td discover Us waiting in battle array. And what with one thing and an- _ other Regretting we won, anyway. The cannon shall boom, and the scramble For things on the medicine shelves Shall warn inexperienced countries Aspiring to freedom themselves. The dynamite cap and the rocket shall remind us of tyranny thwarted, and the valiant forefather shall turn in his coffin to see what ’he started. The eagle shall mount on his pinions and circle the North and the South, and the rapid-fire orator stand on the platform and shoot off his mouth. This latter, hgwever, is harmless in a strict pathological way. but remains nothwithstanding an evil we must in due season allay. Alas, how deficient is nature that might lay this pest bn the shelf with ruling that shooting his mouth off he gave the lockjaw to himself!

This tetanus, we are quite certain. has good and defehsib’e I uses, and all of its manifestations thus far have been only abuses. The idea, as we regard it, is not > that it should be the cause of any j more serious matter than locking' the orators jaws. < \ou know that we never hear; of. it except on the Fourth ofi July, and whenever some innocent gets it we forever are wondering why. Well, is the fact of the matter, and by Jove, we are willing to bet it turn's out in the long run that no one but a ’ lot of old wind-jammers get it. j ‘' I However, be that as it rtiay be. And get whom the tetanus Will, The jubliant youth of the nation Will resume with its shooting to 1 kill. The safe and the sane celebration Will suit us who are not so skit- . tish. ’ \ But the youngsters have got to do something To show what we, did to the British.

These never was anything safe

in the way the forefathers attacked them, and as for the saner attainments, the old fellows seem to have lacked them. They simply cast fear to the bowwows and waded into the affray, and a boy does not think himself worthy if he can’t shoot himself, anyway. At any rate, Jeffries and Johnson will growl like a couple of poodles and observe independence with beating the hair off their mutual noodles. They’ll alternate making the other leviathan howl for his mother, and if the country at random is lucky they’ll manage to kill one another. . It’s only , a plan to make money, deserving the strictest of strictures, for what they will have is a race war, dividing what’s made on the pictures. We’ye been pretty mad in this country for dollars, and power, and places, but this is the first 1 time we’ye trafficked upon the abyss between races. 4' ■ The fat occupant of the White House Will lie on his back in the grass Beneath the green Beverly maplesObserving the aeroplanes pass? 1 The chauffeurs will keep right on chaffing, ' . I With seeing it’s no one but Bill, And they'll sigh just to think what had happened Had they flown over Sagamore I Hill But not every man can be Caeser. as someone has stated. I alas! and in the, due course of | the matter somebody must lie in i the grass. It’s hard on a strenuous nhtion. afflicting us all in a I way, but we’ll look on the brighter side of it. and conclude it is I good for the hay. I . ■’. However, Time flies is a proverb, And one day. his toot on his gong And his epgine back-bedaiing, August ■ Will come aeroplaning along.

Semi-Annual Clearance Sale, from now until July 4, of all trimmed hats. Big reductions.—?

Mrs. Purcupile.