Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 71, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 December 1909 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

THEORY AND PRACTICE

IVE’RE very fond of winter ’ ’ In theory, don't you know. We say it la so iWalthy To wrestle with the enow. It’s such a splendid tonic, The wind that’s cold as ice. But still we always dodge it If we have got the price. To hear us tell the neighbors How greatly we admire ▲ fine, old fashioned winter A listener might inquire If we would eat a ticket That called for transport free To some fair summer climate Or pack our trunk and flee. When August winds are scorching And grass Is dry and sear The claim to dote on winter May then be quite sincere. But when we view the picture At cooler, closer range The feelings are subjected To something of a change. It’s just a superstition. • Some people may declare They like the cold, but would they Hold up their hands and swear? If they had wings for flying. With leisure, too. were blessed, Where s would they spend the winter? That’s quite the proper test.

Such a Waste.

Just as we are getting deep into the canal business word comes from Mara that they are discarding their waterways. Perhaps they have taken advantage of the nearness of this season to discover our railroads and imagine they have found something larger in the line of transportation. If they must go out of the canal business instead of throwing their canals away on the old junk heap it is a pity they couldn’t tie a stout string on them and drop them down to us. We might be able to use several secondhand canals for awhile just to see how we liked them before digging new ones. Will some of the flashers who were going to do such wonders flash up for quotations?

How They Know.

“Women are always talking about human nature. 1 should like to know how they know so much about it.” “That is easy.” “Is It? Would you mind elucidating then?" “Most of them are married to a bunch of it.”

She Knew.

“Scrlbo is a rising young author.” “Rising, did you say?” asked his landlady, with the tone of one who knew. “That is what he is.” “Well, he is fooling you. Some days he don’t get up till noon.”

Certainly. “My dressmaker says that airy robes are bound to be fashionable.” “Does she?” “Yes; says it is absolutely certain.” “I wonder why.” “To wear on airships, of course.”

Effective.

“Brown’s income is so small that I don’t understand how he manages to save any of it” “1 do.” "How?” | "He borrows a portion of mine.”

New Record.

The heights that great tnen reached and kept Were not attained by sudden flight. That might have been in years gone by. But it’s not so ot Wilbur Wright.

PERT PARAGRAPHS.

Many a man who is playing a part wants to be the whole show.

Beauty is only skin deep, but at that it is no more shallow than some other qualities.

Microbes are ungrateful creatures. They do not appreciate sanitary plumbing, no matter how expensive.

Women admire strength in man, but she seldom calls him her onion.

You can get it straight from most any woman that a bird on the Gainsborough is worth two in the emporium.

Ever notice that the woman who has a very narrow income hasn’t got her face all wrinkled up over the servant girl problem?

It is remarkable how blithe and spry Father Time la considering there are so many time killers in active operation.

Ore reason why the laxy man doesn’t like to work is because work seems so obviously to belong to the other fellow and he la conscientiously regarding property rights.

Imagination to truly remarkable in • its results, but It has to be first tran* muted Into coin of the government