Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 64, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 November 1909 — PILGRIM JOE LIVES, [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

PILGRIM JOE LIVES,

He Denies Report That He Has ■ Passed Away.

WORK OF JEALOUS RIVALS. Bays He Shall Give Due Notice Over His Own Signature When He Is About to Leave This Earth—His Latest Boon to Humanity.

By M. QUAD.

[Copyright, 1909, by Associated Literary Press. J I WISH in the most earnest and solemn manner to deny the reports lately sent broadcast over the country that 1 am dead. It was the work of envious and jealous rivals, and the public should have given no credence to the statements. When I am about to die I shall give due notice over my own signature. Instead of filling an honored grave I have invented and brought out still another boon to suffering humanity, making the fifth on my list. While there are about 60,000 firms and Individuals in this country bringing out boons, I have no hesitancy in saying that I stand at the head. t ->■ My remedies are now handled by druggists everywhere, and I wish to impress upon the public the necessity

of ascertaining the private character of a druggist before purchasing. It Is Impossible for me to do this. Is be a liar? Does be bet on the horses? Has he ever been in jail? Has be ever been beard to utter threats against his mother-in-law? Does he keep a purrot at the store? Is be a member of the Black Hand? Satisfy yourself and then «o ahead.

My latest boon, compounded after years of patient experiment, is called Knee Plus Ultra, and its effects on the human system are positively marvelous. It is entirely a vegetable compound. made from vegetables .hitherto overlooked by those bringing out boons. I have secured patents to cover every process and will prosecute all Infringers to the bitter end. If any person will report to me a case where a druggist has recommended something else Just as good as my Knee Plus I will pay that person $lO in cash. From the millions of testimonials received, not one of which was solicited, I publish the following: Mrs. G. H. of Buffalo writes: “I weigh over 300 pounds and was an object of pity to myself and all my friends. When I got seated in a chair it took two persons to lift me up. and I was hoisted in and out of bed with a derrick. I could no longer go buckleberrying or indulge in other pastimes of life. I had the butcher knife in my hand to commit suicide when a neighbor rushed into the house with a bottle of your Knee Plus in her hand and drew the cork and gave me a dose. Up to date I have taken a bottle and a half, and my weight has been reduced to 120 pounds. In figure I am a sylph instead of a bedtick, and once more I can Jump fences and climb trees. We are amazed, but we cannot dispute facts. May heaven bless you is my prayer.” Mrs. James B. of Detroit writes: “After recovering from a severe attack of typhoid fever my teeth fell out, my toe nails fell off, and I found myself a living skeleton. When I walked across the floor my bones rattled like a loose wheel on a wagon. Several doctors had told me that I must end up in a dime museum as the living lady skeleton, and my husband had applied for a divorce when my attention was called to your Knee Plus. I got a bottle, though, of course, I had no faith in IL but after taking two doses I found a change taking place. After taking one bottle my weight had increased sixty pounds. Two bottles brought me up to 125 pounds, my normal weight, and I shall remain there. “People who knew what I was a month ago and then see me as I am now whisper ‘Marvelous!* My husband has quashed the divorce proceedings and fallen in love with me over again. T now have the figure of Venus and am also declared to be the best looking woman in the city. I owe it all to you, and I feel that I can never be grateful enough. Ob. that words had the power to tell you how thankful I am!" Henry D. of Chicago writes: “I am a young man of twenty-three. I was engaged io a millionaire’s daughter and the day set for the wedding when I suddenly discovered that 1 toed In as I walked. The dear girl of my heart ilm discovered the same She at once

declared that she could never, never wed a duck footed young man, and nothing was left for me but to retire to a swamp and commit suicide. I bad retired to a first class swamp and was noosing a rope to hang myself when a farmer came running across the fields with a bottle in his hand and cried out to me: “‘Hold, rash young man! No matter what ails thee, 1 have that here which will cure thee.’ “It was a bottle of your Knee Plus. I took one dose and threw away the rope. I took a second and started back to town. After the fourth dose I noticed that my feet began to toe out all right, and when I had finished the bottle I was walking as straight as a deacon and was one of the happiest of mortals. The wedding day is set again, and as the bells peal forth 1 shall swing my hat and hurrah for Pilgrim Joe.” Miss Nancy C. of Cincinnati writes: “I am a girl of twenty. A month ago, just as I had promised myself in mar riage to a millionaire of seventy-three, I fell ill. and the doctors pronounced it a case of tuberculosis, combined with Bright's disease and yellow fever. This made a very happy combination, but I could not be happy over it. I was told that I must die within six weeks. My seventy-three-year-old millionaire wept over me. but it did no good. I had given away my clothing and jewelry to my sisters and resigned myself to my doom when a tramp came along and recommended your Knee Plus. He said he had taken a bottle of it to cure a broken neck given him by a fanner and in three weeks’ time he could turn his head around over his shoulders and look behind him for the police. “The doctors and the family opposed, but I Insisted on trying the remedy, and the result is that I am writing to you today In the best of spirits. My marriage comes off tomorrow, and the old chap is so tickled about it that he gives me an extra $50,000 in bonds Two bottles of the Knee Plus did the trick. The doctors claim because lam a Sunday school teacher that Providence worked a miracle, but I know better. I wish I could tell you how grateful I am. I want your portrait painted on ivory to wear on my heart.” Mr Homer V. of Baltimore writes: “I am a man of eighty-two. Three months ago I decided to get married again, but suddenly found that I was deaf in both ears, blind in one eye. wabbly in the legs and lan.e In the back. I called In a specialist, and be said that 1 bad better be thinking of the grave than marriage. I therefore made my will, selected my pallbearers and put my house In order. I was waiting to be wafted when a butcher who had heard of my case and who had gone and bought a bottle of your Knee Plus without saying anything to anybody entered the house and asked me to try It. He was opposed to nil those named in triv will, but a ray of

nope was born in my heart, and I began taking the compound according to directions. Up to this date I have taken two bottles. Only yesterday I was taken for a man of fifty-nine. My hair is turning from white back to black. I can now hear a pin drop, and the wabble in my legs has entirely disappeared. My blind eye has had its sight entirely restored, and my back is so strong that I believe I could lift a barrel of flour. “Hurrah for the Knee Plus'. It is great. It is fine. It is the marvel of the age. An hour before sitting down to write this letter I floated over to Widow Skinner’s and asked her if she would have me, and she didn’t draw two breaths before answering yes. We marry next month. Let the world bow down to Pilgrim Joe as the greatest benefactor mankind has ever had. I would like to write more, but I choke up with gratitude and my pen fails me. Knee Plus and Pilgrim Joe forever!”

Binders, Farm Wagons, DeLavel Cream Separator, Feed Grinder, Iron Kettle, Barrel Cart, Lard Press, Hay in Barn, Millet and Cow Peas mixed, Corn in Crib, Corn in Shock, Work Harness and other articles. Also Some Household Furniture. Terms—A credit of 12 months will be given on sums over $5, with usual conditions; 6 per cent off for cash. WM. S. NEWBERRY ARTHUR H. HOPKINS Fred Phillips, Auctioneer. C. G. Spitler, Clerk. Hot Lunch on Grounds.

“I WKIGHED OVER 800 POUNDS."