Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 56, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 October 1909 — Page 3 Advertisements Column 4 [ADVERTISEMENT]

friends of the family hope that he may be permanently cured of his appetite or intoxicants by the treatment he is undergoing.

A KIND WORD FOR COOK. Answering the bell, the sentry opened the door very slightly. “Who is it?” he asked. “An explorer.” “What have you discovered?” “The north pole.” “That goes,” said the sentry, opening the door. The newcomer put his things in his locker and joined the boys in the grill room. / We were just talking about you fellows,” the Premeditated Liar said, “i was saying that Dr. Cook, whether he is lying or not, is to be regarded by all thinking persons as an instrument of Providence.” The Bare-Faced Liar signaled a waiter, and the circle contracted the better to hear.

“Let us suppose that Cook had never gone north at all,” the P. L. resumed. “What would have happened?? Why, Peary would have come strutting back like a peacock with a new tail. Gads! but he would have lorded it over creation, With his I this, and his I that, And his head too ample for his hat— O, vanity of vanities!

And his chin at forty-five degrees. “Just think of it!” the P. L. exclaimed. “His pole—his arctic—his book—his lecture—his feat!” They all groaned.

“Now, what saved us from that?” the P. L. asked. “Cook, of course. It was one of the most providential things I ever heard of. Just when life was about to be rendered unendurable for the rest of us, Providence thrust Cook on the stage, modestly asserting that he found it, too. Now r , I don’t know whether Cook really did go to the pole 6r not, and he may be all that his enemies say; but I have never yet quarreled with the means employed by Providence, and I am not going to begin now, either in men, sledges or the kind of provisions. It is enough for me that I have been spared together with the friends, countrymen, kings, cats and whomever else had not dared look at Peary but for the timely appearance of Cook.”

They all applauded, and th* Dam Liar reached for a cigar tab. “Cook forever,” he said, “or In this case, even Roosevelt, if needs must ” —St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

If you want the best Flour made, get a sack of Acme, 91.50. Every sack guaranteed or money back. ROWLES & PARKER.

Come to the Democrat office for sale bills.

-WITH EACHMalleable Steel Range

sold between now. and the Ist of November, we will give a COMPLETE SET OF ENAMELED COOKING UTENSILS. This range still stands without a peer, and is not to be compared with other steel ranges, as it is in a class by itself. It is superior to anything, now on the market in the steel range line. As it is the most efficient, durable, economical and beautiful range built. And embodies everything commendable in steel range construction. *'• Too much cannot be said by way of praise, for the “South Bend Malleable." In short it is the “Acme of Perfection" in the modern cook stove. If you wish the best, buy this range and you may rest assured you have it. We also have the largest and most varied assortment of Base Burners and Soft Coal Heaters in our city.

E. D. Rhoades & Son*