Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 August 1909 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

EXPERIENCE. mo give and to take, To earn and to keep, To wade in the shallows. To swim where it’s deept To keep in the channel, Avoiding the rocks, And that's what you learn In the school of hard knock* No money tuition * You pay in advance. Instructors are often s Appointed by chance. Nor optional is it To stay or to go. You take in the courses Whether or no. But. though, as I mentioned, The entry is free. Before you have finished It costs you a fee. And little ft matters, < Although you may say • . / You cannot afford it. The price you must pay. But no education Is equal the kind You get in this College For body and mind. It’s through disappointments. Heartburnings and shocks Diplomas you win In the school of hard knocks. A Bad Sign. *1 don’t believe In signs.” “I do.” "For a fact?” “Yes; for a fact.” “As. for instance?” “Seeing a creditor over ray left shoulder is sure evidence that I am about to lie annoyed.”

The Miracle. “I understand Miss Brown is much improved in health.” “Yes, indeed, and in every other way.” “Glad to hear it.” “She is ten years younger than she was five years ago.” Twin Outcasts. “What is your friend’s business?” “He is a critic.” “I have a friend 1 would like to have him meet.” “What does he do?’ “He is an umpire.” Quite Modern. “What are you doing?” “Waiting for my ship to come In.” “You are waiting a long way from the ocean.” “Tills Is an airship.” Too Good to Keep. “What are you promoting ?” “Just a gold mine.” “Any gold in it?” “Think I’d be selling stock in ft if there were?” Disappointing. “She is writing an ode to Pan.” “That sounds good. What pan?” “Pan, the god of nature.” “Oh, shucks! I thought was the frying pan.” Economical. “Why does he now eat breakfast?” “TO get his money’s worth.” “Don’t understand.” “Boards at the hotel, American plan.” Youthful Manifestation. “They say he is in love with his wife.” “Oh, well, give him time!” PERT PARAGRAPHS. A dishonest man has to be clever. A hero is often a hero because of and by force of exterior circumstances. A gambler’s chance is always a poor one. A fool and his money Is a combination you don’t meet every day

It wouldn’t be so bad if a man’s salary would have the same upward tendency that his expenses do. Some women make their own dresses, but did you ever see a man who made his own pants? The best way to treat some peo pie is to forget them and the place they came from.

Most girls are so busy being romantic that they can’t find time to be just natural. He is certainly a clever man who can fool himself when he Is watching. A telephone man is one who knows how to put up a good line of talk. A meddler is a natural born boss temporarily out of a job. Keep a good appetite and you won’t need to keep a physician. The second baby in the family is never wakened up to see if its eyes are changing color. No young man was ever able to sise op his sweetheart from his knowledge of his own sister.