Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 July 1909 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

A SUMMER WISH. I WISH I could sail where the icebergs are thickest And Idle where walruses hide Or sit on the northernmost point In Alaska And dangle my feet in the tide. I’d like to slide down on the side of a glacier, In snow at the bottom to roll. How fine it would be in the teeth of a blizzard To sit on the top of the pole! A point in the shade of the mountains of Greenland Would seem an alluring retreat, The temperature forty-eight points below freezing. Then life would be full and complete, With wind that was sharp as the edge of a razor To fan me and keep me awake, With only pajamas, an ulster and slippers The force of the climate to break. A dip in the depths of the charming antarctic In only a bathing attire. And that not too heavy, would furnish, I’m certain. A treat for yours truly, esquire. To float for a time on the breast of the billows And under an ice floe to dive, To sport where the spray came in ice wagon crystals, A fellow would sure be alive. To live In an ice covered Eskimo cabin On polar bear blubber and such, An icicle fork to assist in the eating— Oh, really the thought is too much! Alas, I am hampered by getting a living! The thought of it all makes me sick. I have to stick round in this sun frizzled climate And buy my ice cream by the brick. Getting the Ground Ready. ‘‘Why did you laugh at that sillv joke?” ‘‘Because 1 am wise.” ~~ “See more in it than the rest of us do, I suppose.” “Oh, no; not that way.” “What way, then?” “The man who told it is my boss, and I am going to strike him for a raise at the end of the week.” Mistifying. / “I don’t understand this game of golf.” “What’s hard about it?” “Why do they hit the ball?” “That’s the game.” “So It seems. But why can’t they just as well carry it along? They are going that way anyway, and it would save them all the trouble of looking for it.” Generous. “How- are you feeling?” “Poorly. I think I will change doctors.” “Isn’t the one you have helping you?” “Yes; he is doing what he can, but I thought it would be no more than fair to distribute my debts around.” The Tailor’s Boy. “His need is pressing.” “Hard up. eh?” “No. not that.” “Then what?” “Mussed up.” Try The Democrat for job work.

, No style, but more up-to-date highgrade goods for your money than elsewhere. Moved into the Odd Fellows’ Block. THE FORSYTHE STORE.