Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 June 1909 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

CONTRARY. Spring Is mostly sweet and kind, And to It we ar4 resigned; But, alas, to our surprise, It can be. If but It tries. Quite the meanest season that In the twelve months comes to bat. Quite enamored of its smile, How we brag about its style. Backing It for all we’re worth As the greatest thing on earth! Then there conges the lightning shift. And we bump into a drift. When It’s good and feeling fit Nothing’s In the class with it When it Isn’t, then, great Scott, It’s the limit, like as not, From the sweetest thing in sight Changes to a perfect fright, Has as many moods, I ween. As a girl of sweet sixteen. Never knoWjps you arise Just the kina of a surprise It will bring before the sun Sinks and says the day is done. ~ . --- Maybe cold and maybe hot — One can never dope the plot. For the wisest cannot know Whether it will rain or snow Or will on the world expand With a smile to beat the band. Placing the Blame. "I tell you,” said the purchaser, “this material Is not all wool.” “Indeed, madam, I assure you that every thread of It came from tho sheep.” “Nonsense! I know cotton when I see it.” “Very well, madam; but I pledge you my word that if there is any cotton In that material somebody must have bribed the sheep.” Makes Them Superior.

May—l Just dote on baseball. Maud—Do you understand the game? May—Sure. That’s easy. Maud—Don’t let the men know you do if you want to make a hit with them. Saving Disposition. “Biggs is a wealthy man, they say.” “Got so much he can’t spend it.” “How did he earn his first million?” “By holding a public office at a salary of $5,000 and managing to keep his expenses within $20,000 a year.” Somebody Ought to Be. “I am quite contented and satisfied.” “You horrid thing—when we are all" upside down!” “That’s the reason.”

PERT PARAGRAPHS. If you violate the rules of health Old Man Death is pretty likely to catch you at it. Self made men always have to submit to the analysis of somebody else.

Destiny may be waiting for you jhst around the corner, so cheer up. No man is perfect except perhaps occasionally when he is a fool. There may be no sea serpents, though lots of men see serpents.

As a time killing device waiting for something to turn up is effective, whatever may be said of its profitableness. A florid compliment is one that somebody you didn't care for gave some one you don’t like. It Is hard to satisfy some people, and it would be a stupid thing to do, besides. The things that didn’t happen are the things most worried about. Perhaps that’s why they didn’t. Not being able to have a new gown, a woman sometimes solaces herself by being sick. Courage is an excellent thing to show; It is dead certain to frighten your antagonist. • 1 The man who loses his temper never seems able to make it stay lost. Don’t be discouraged. It doesn’t help any and is an uncomfortable condition. There are things that are necessary to our happiness only when we have not got them. He who looks like a wise man to one person may look like a fool to auotbsr.