Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 May 1909 — GANDERBOUNE'S FORECAST [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GANDERBOUNE'S FORECAST

FOR MAY. (Copyright 1909, by C. H. Rieth.) The shades or night were falling fast As through the Afric jungle passed A wounded lion, badly hit And followed by a crowd, to-wit: One ex-President, Four trackers, Two gun bearers, One water boy, Three photographers, Two stenographers, One taxidermist, Two skinners, One ammunition wagon, And 400 bushbeaters. At length the lion reached his lair, Backed into it in deep despair, And vowed so long as life was his To fight, though sorely wounded, viz: One leg shattered, Two knife slashes on back, Four ribs kicked in, One dum-dum bullet in head, Two steel-nosed bullets in body, One ear blown off, An bitten through the windpipe. The shouting and the tumult grew, The angry bullets spat and flew, And when the king of beasts was not The following fireworks were shot: Six skyrockets, Two flowerpots, One spinwhell, Four Roman candles, ThreeßookerWashingtton chasers Two medium-sized bombs, And one son-of-a-gun. May gets its name from Maia, wiio was the mother of Mercury, the Roman god of prosperity. If business is going to improve at all, it will do so under the favorable sign, for May was named for and dedicated to gain, and during its thir-ty-one days business has usually been good and money comparatively abundant. In addition to Mercury’s temple in Rome, an altar was raised to him over a well near the Porta Capena, and here the merchants repaired on the festival of the god (May 25) to sprinkle their goods with waters of the well, that they might be purified and yield a big profit. This was the origin of watering stocks, and even to this time the 25th of May is a holiday in Wall street and the New Jersey Legislature.

Wake me early, mother darling, at the break of the day, for I’m to be queen of the May, mother, I’m to be queen of the May. I have the bonnet, mother—it’s the strangest ever seen, and you bet your bottom dollar it’s the bonnet makes the queen. It has the seeming, mother, of a coal-hod upside down, with the spout projecting backwards from the flower-covered crown, while the circling ball upon it passes underneath my chin—wake me early! I am crazy for the voting to begin. The meadowlark will warble, and the apple tree will bloom, the frog will woo his true love with his melancholy boom, the barefoot boy will issue his spring challenge to the tack, the lamb will frisk and gambol like a jack-knife in the back, the playful winds will frolic in the fields of waving green, and the terrible mosquito press his face against the screen.

Come out into the garden, Maude, the ines begin to run, and the seed our Congressman sent out are sprouting every one. The gumbo and the oyster plant are seven Inches high, and the mint (I wonder does he know the state has voted dry? A Congressman in Washington can keep himself so wet • that even if his state is dry, he’s likely to forget.) However that may be, the squash was never looking fatter, and the first fruit of his seven terms is threatening the platter. The news from Washington will be What it always has been Since Roosevelt stepped down and 'out And Taft was ushered in. The capital will rise at 8, it Retire again at 10, v Get up for lunch at noon and go To bed at 1' again, Arise at 5, stay up till 8, And finally retire, And there, will not be a dog-gone thing To put upon the wire.

The correspondents who were wont to listen at the cracks will sit around the White House steps engaged at playing Jacks. The President will ride upon his bucking rocky horse, the gun men will turn up their toes and perish of remorse, the tariff argument will drone Its

weary way along, the strong will battle with the weak, and the right will wrestle wrong, the vested interests will how’l, the planter will protest, the miner will exhort the law to succor the oppressed, the women will combat the tax upon a Paris hat, and about the time we settle it we won’t know where we’re at. Until the 20th May will be under the zodiacal sign of Taurus the Bull. Mr. Roosevelt will by this time have reached the Albertirie Basin, and the influence of Taurus will cause him to do a good deal of roaring. The lions and other fairly good roarers will compete with him a while, but after they have heard him roar two or three times they will bust up a good deal of brush getting on the other side of the Congo. * People born under Taurus have very intricate minds, and they understand the tariff debate. They are unerring in love, and generally marry their affinities at the outset. There is a natural attraction between persons born f under opposite signs of the zodiac, and a Taurus man usually marries a Scorpio woman, or that is, being born in May, he usually marries a woman born in October. This is said to be a natural match, or one in which the chance of divorce is reduced to the minimum. The password for May will be Lions, and the storm center for the month will be in Uganda. The first shipment of skins will arrive about the 28th, and anybody wishing one can have it by subcribing to Scribner’s Magazine and The Outlook. And then the month of June will come With all its newlyweds, And every westbound ship will bring A lot of skins and heads.