Jasper County Democrat, Volume 12, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 April 1909 — BOWSER IS IT BEST, [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

BOWSER IS IT BEST,

Lapses Into a Normal Condition, Much to Cook’s Amazement. A QUIET NIGHT AT HOME. Neither Tragedy Nor Comedy Dieturbe the Usual Serenity, and Mrs. Bowser Is Very Much Puzzled ae to the Out* come. [Copyright, 1909, by T. C. McClure.] BIT the usual hour of Mr. Bow/rk sei 8 ff” inecoiu ff>K Mrs. Bowset posted herself at the front window to watch for him and judge of his state of feeling before he enter’d the house. i's tine time he dropped off the car w • ■' ’”»•:•!• ■“ to shake his fist at the coitiiu.'-tor and threatening to have him hred. lie en ountered a pedestrian or two the way to Hie gate, but if they remarked anything he was not aroused. The gate was shut, but he did not kick it open, nor was it an occasion when he grabbed the knob of the front door and tried to tear it out by the roots. Mrs. Bowser had only to glance at him once to realize that he had come home in a perfectly sane condition of mind and that he had not int ested in a mountain of natural borax or a new hair dye during the day. The dinner was a good one, and Mr. (Bowser admitted it. He was told that during the day three different tramps

fi ‘•do you think it would bk safe, MADAM. FOB MB TO BUN OVEB TO HBB MY BI8TEB?” had called for a fill-up, a chimney on the house opposite had burned out, and a fat woman had been bitten by a dog and carried to the drug store in a fainting condition. The above news was received placidly and without undue excitement. He never even asked if the tramps had been fed or told to beat it on empty stomachs, and there was no reference to Mrs. Bowser’s heart of stone. The cook had been preparing herself all the afternoon to quit her job in case Mr. Bowser found lumps in the mashed potatoes and asked her if she was experimenting with cobblestones, but he had no fault to find. On the contrary, be ate more than usual. When Mrs. Bowser asked him if he didn’t think the steak was a bit tough- ’ er than usual he thought the matter over and then mildly replied: “It may be. my dear, but you must

remember that beef cattle are growing older all the time, the same as ourselves.” - '—j / It was a peaceful, placid dinner, and It was a peaceful,, placid Bowser that took his way upstairs and sat down to his cigar and evening paper. His whole attitude was that of the average husband, and Mrs. Bowser would have thanked her stars and let him alone but for the cook, who called her down through the medium of the speaking tube and whispered In her ear: “Do you think It would be safe, madam, for me to run over and see my sister for an hour or two?" "And why not, Mary?” "On account of him. Hus-s-sh! He may have bls ear to the tube!” "Why, how you talk! Do you think Mr. Bowser would object to your going out?” “It's not for myself, madam, but for you. You’ll be left all alone with him.” "And what of that?” “I don’t believe he’s quite right in his mind tonight. He didn’t find a speck of fault,with the dinner, and when you told him about the tramps he wasn’t a bit interested. He hasn’t been shouting around upstairs, and what are you going to make of such conduct? I tell you there’s something into it.” "Nonsense! If you want to go, then go right along.” "I’ll go, madam, but Hl go shaking in every limb. I had a brother-in-law who came home one night in that same soft, peaceful way, and I went out and left him and my sister together. When I got back he had chopped her up with the ax and then hung himself. Keep your eye on Mr. Bowser while I’m gone. If be makes a rush for you have the butcher knife handy and try and get to the door and call for help. I’ll stop and tell the Browns to be listening if you want me to. Careful now when you go back up. Don’t let him see that you suspect his murderous intentions.”

Fondles the Cat. As Mrs. Bowser returned to the family room the cat approached Mr. Bowser and rubbed against his leg. Instead of repulsing her he lifted her into his lap and stroked her back. Then ensued a .period of silence lasting six or seven minutes, but broken at last by Mrs. Bowser saying: “When you go down to fix the furnace for the night I wish you would take a look at the coal and estimate how long It Will last. I think you’ll have to get some more before, the week Is out.”

She was looking full at him and expecting to hear him shout out that she had been selling coal to the junk man to buy candy with the proceeds, but Instead she received the quiet reply: “Yes, 1 was thinking today that it must be most gone. I’ll stop tomorrow and order some more.” Then Mr. Bowser put his feet up on another chair and dropped his paper and began to nod. He was losing himself In sleep when there came a terrific hullabaloo among the cats in the back yard. He didn’t rush to a rear window and thrqw it up and shout and yell and exclaim and throw" out chairs. Neither did he turn and accuse Mrs. Bowser of feeding all the cats in town on purpose to have them handy when she wanted to annoy him. He simply opened his eyes and smiled and said: . “Cats must rollick now and then, the same as human beings, or the world would get very blue to them.” “Was any one after yon today to sell you a pig for spring?” she asked. “No, dear.” “No new milk cow?” “No.” “No chickens?” “Not a chick.” "But you didn’t sit In your office all day without anything happening?” “Just the usual routine.” “Didn’t any doctor happen In to tell you to take ten mile walks to cure your liver?" “Nope. Liver all right.” "And you weren’t advised to ride a bike or play football to cure rheumatism?” “Haven’t got any to cure.” Mrs. Bowser was baffled, and she sat and looked at him a long time as he continued to open and close his eyes in a languid manner. There was not the slightest evidence of Insanity to be read In his face or actions, but his 11stlessness brought a flutter to her heart. She would try once more. “Do you know.” she said in tones meant to be careless, “that I have been thinking over that chicken farm Idea of yours and have about concluded it would be a good r,peculation ?” “Nothing In it, my dear;” he drawled In reply. “But did I tell you how much the gas bill was for this month?” "No, but we’ll pay it, whatever it is. The gas company has always been very fair with us.” He Falls Asleep. Mrs. Bowser sat there and tried her hardest to think of something that might start a family row, but not an Idea came. In the silence Mr. Bowser fell sound asleep and uttered a snore, and the cat purred in unison with him. The room was light and cheerful, while outdoors the night was dark and gusty, but It did not seem like her home. There was an element lacking. Mr. Bowser was not walking around with his hands under his coattails and pausing now and then to shout at her. She stood It for half an hour and then crept softly over to the telephone and called up Mrs. Brown and told her all. Then Mrs. Brown’s wbice was heard In reply: i “Yes. dear, it is rather strange, but not without parallel. He may keep on being normal for two or three days, but don’t you worry about it. By the third day. at the very latent, he’ll come home and kick the gate open and burst his way into the house apd want to know why in Texas you let him leave

the house that morning wearing his day shirt over his nightshirt and col-

lar sawing his ears off.”

M. QUAD.