Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 58, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1908 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

DUNCAN M. SMITE

PERT PARAGRAPHS. i There appears to be an opinion among some people that there ought to be thanks enough to go round whether there is turkey enough or not.

Probably there are people who respect the law, but there appears to be a large and growing class who suspect it. Some people are resigned by nature and others through the instrumentality of the big stick. The only way to do some men good is to kill them.

Serving a man well isn’t at ali a bad way to delicately let him know that you are expecting a rise in salary. It is hard to convince a woman that fashion is a horrid thing wheu the prevailing style happens to be becoming to her. * Don’t knock; the sound you make may produce a ringing in your ears the next morning and leave its mark about your eye. When a girl takes a great interest in housework and wants to learn how to bake bread “Who is the man?"’ is a pertinent question. Being married keeps the majority of men so busy that they have no time to be sports. ' If they are worrying over your affairs, take it ns calmly as you can and be thankful that you haven’t got t*> worry over theirs. t

H * May Hava Been Method. “What in the world happened to your watch?” “Run over by a steam roller.” “So careless of the driver!” “Maybe be wanted to kill time.” «t at

Still Undecided. It is yet to be demonstrated that a balloon coming east from the Pacific coast has the Los Angeles Limited beaten to a frazzle. The gas car appears to have a tendency to play around in the eddies caused by the mountain ranges and thus make the captains of 1 the craft late for the supper be has ordered in Boston. A successful trip of that sort would cause the man who is eternally remarking on the smallness of the world ’ to remark some more. He would at once begin speculating on the possibilities of living in Los

Angeles and doing business In Boston, though at the present time the man who sets out with a late start and a heated imagination for his happy western home is liable to find himself in the morning dangUng ( from one of the desolate mountain peaks that stick up on the way. As an exact science air navigation at present lacks some of the qualities of exactness. i . Putting It Mildly. ‘‘Why do you call him a moderate drinker—because he only takes a nip now and then?” “No; it Is not exactly for that. The reason why I call him a moderate drinker Is because I am a charitable person." 9 Pa Knew. “ ‘By these signs ye shall know them.’ What does It mean, pa?” “What—signs?” “Yes,” “Dollar signs, I presume." Coughs that are tight, or distressing tickling coughs, get quick and certain help from Dr. Shoop’s Cough Remedy. On this account Druggists every where are favoring Dr. Bhoop’s Cough Remedy. And it Is entirely free from Opium, Chloroform, or any other stupefying drug. The tender leaves of a harmless lung-healing mountainous shrub give to Dr. Bhoop’s Cough Remedy its curative properties. Those leaves have the power to calm the most distressing Cough, and to soothe, and heal the most sensitive bronchial membrane. Mothers should, for safety’s sake alone, always demand Dr. Shoop’s. It can with perfect freedom be given to even the youngest babes. Test it once yourself, and see! Sold by all dealers.