Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 58, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1908 — Page 3 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

? ■' #• m H I - P pjHAV [Being • Christmas story of the biscuit shooter’s revenge, which is effersd with apologies to the shade of Homy for infringing on his particular stylo of blank versa and at the same time h'isting one to the memory of the old bay who had everybody else beaten to a pulp anjl three ways from the jaok at this sort of thing.] . I 1 A FRESHING with the pots and kettles, ■ * 1 l/l/ Shooting biscuits like a ranger Wt l II With an aim that was unerring, K. A Swiftly dealing out the ham-and, BlVa*!a Alio beefsteak tough as leather, Jifnfc HHUAk Labored daily Minnie Harhar, /7 J Sometimes known as Laughing Waiter, tpl / /fwm iW larking sinkers from the cuisine I yj L_ To the grill room for the hungry, l|L mW Working for a measly stipend . ta §^tlSr w Of two-fifty, coming weekly. • One day to that oobwebbed kitchen Came a young man cold and hungry. 7iir r Tr < *' He was walking on his uppers f \ 'WWA \ •'T \ rH^i la the storms of wintry weather, ( I -JSMp I ) And his garb was built for summer, \H J* r Hanging on him loose and flabby, Like a hide hung on a fenoepost. Any cop he might have met then ; l ——.X r .. .a.L ...i i I— jJ Would have run him in and Tagged him. JUmi. Huhu »w the >ltranfer; | ‘.■■l . . iinn.ro, JT^., Saw that he was weak and weary; I C ) Took him in and filled him quickly a /v^l With the leering* from the tables. fah Hit It was in the time of Christmas— V&Nfl Wt * V&J^LU Time of cheer and time of plenty. V Then she sought the boss and told him ww?S Then the stranger seized a tray and Otf the stranger in the kitchen *'* vi Went to work with Minnie Harhar, Told him of the weary walking Dodging oops until she helped him All the way from Kansas City, Get a more befitting raiment, Where the stranger had been fired from And the philanthropic movement Just because he had got jagged and ; Set her back just seven-fifty. Could not work at biscuit shooting. o Then he got a shave and hair cut And a bottle of loud perfume. fThus equipped to make a conquest, He threw googoo eyes at Minnie — he ms " SH r* Threw them hard and threw them often Xivt* Then he took her, unresisting, In his arms and hugged and kissed her. * T 9 He was hers and she was his’n For a week or ten days, maybe, «• Until he had met another Out upon the public highway— And a smile that put him bughouse. Met a gazelle with a light step She was working in a chop joint Farther down toward the river, -.1... And his footsteps turned he often BfLJSR r «^ r T~l Joyfully in that direction. sscbajk Just as soon as work was over ymmWtSi With the gazelle he would wander. Tf Th e y were fairly glued together SMBSAag* As they walked and chinned each other, , All unknown to Minnie Harhar, And they'd take their beer quite often In the wine room at O’Kelley’s. —, Christmas days were soon forgotten, \STjI \ pV/ And the loan he’d got from Minnie t™«» me fbjl *’ From his memory fast was fading. tOne day Minnie Harhar saw them Sure, she could have bawled him out then, Sauntering along together, And the gazelle would have shared it, And the air was fairly reeking But would that have helped to get her With the stickiness of love talk Any of the seven-fifty Minnie caught on very quickly, She’d invested in his raiment I Saw which way the wind was blowing, Minnie Harhar pondered deeply, But refrained from taking action. Made a. sneak and held her temper. ( Baying he must dig Up quickly Minnie saw he was not coming UTfsra BMW •be’d put him out of business. Through with any sum of money. mOMM wnr. Waiting then for half a nflnute, In the use of the invective Minnie Harhar was not slouchy. Like the hot soup from the ladle. | In the choicest chophouse language ) Minnie then addressed the' piker— J Said he was a chump and welsher, n Ai»° oheap screw, phony, moocher: Called him two spot, bloke and wuzzer, I < "'" mMSi \TT - """t-v aC - Said he was a yap from Yapville And a skate from down the river. Pf*P|jSgE(gp Minnie also shied utensils, Fans and plates were flying wildly, • ffpr Hsing them for punctuation; Walls were spattered with their contents, W * > Hujled a plate with such precision While the boss had taken refuge ft ] That it spoiled his face forever; In a corner, with a table j j I [Hammed a stove Ud on his stomach, Upturned there to shield and hide him I V j A Pot of beans against his bosom; And the piker, he was hiking BLV H ' m Hit him with the mashed potatoes Fast around the room and dodging lapahl And a fricassee of chicken. But at every throw was getting y ! All the time the pests were dodging All that could bo ooming to him. IV Bound the tables in the grill room. Everything was thrown by Minnie, Jk~i All that she oould lay her hands on. Until he had eaten through it. . Nothing else was there remaining Then outside the door he ambled— ■ But a pie; ’twas made of custard. Xzlt pie and farewell piker. This she seized without a tremor. , In the art of roughhouse making With a cry she sent it hurtling - Minnie Harhar cleans the platter. Through the air, and safe it landed Trifling some with her affections On the visage of the piker. Is not now considered healthful. With his face all plastered over, And the piker who has tried its ■tartly he was out of business It is best that he be nameless. 1 -v ",v i . ‘ .T .T' ':A '%