Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 58, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1908 — Page 3

? ■' #• m H I - P pjHAV [Being • Christmas story of the biscuit shooter’s revenge, which is effersd with apologies to the shade of Homy for infringing on his particular stylo of blank versa and at the same time h'isting one to the memory of the old bay who had everybody else beaten to a pulp anjl three ways from the jaok at this sort of thing.] . I 1 A FRESHING with the pots and kettles, ■ * 1 l/l/ Shooting biscuits like a ranger Wt l II With an aim that was unerring, K. A Swiftly dealing out the ham-and, BlVa*!a Alio beefsteak tough as leather, Jifnfc HHUAk Labored daily Minnie Harhar, /7 J Sometimes known as Laughing Waiter, tpl / /fwm iW larking sinkers from the cuisine I yj L_ To the grill room for the hungry, l|L mW Working for a measly stipend . ta §^tlSr w Of two-fifty, coming weekly. • One day to that oobwebbed kitchen Came a young man cold and hungry. 7iir r Tr < *' He was walking on his uppers f \ 'WWA \ •'T \ rH^i la the storms of wintry weather, ( I -JSMp I ) And his garb was built for summer, \H J* r Hanging on him loose and flabby, Like a hide hung on a fenoepost. Any cop he might have met then ; l ——.X r .. .a.L ...i i I— jJ Would have run him in and Tagged him. JUmi. Huhu »w the >ltranfer; | ‘.■■l . . iinn.ro, JT^., Saw that he was weak and weary; I C ) Took him in and filled him quickly a /v^l With the leering* from the tables. fah Hit It was in the time of Christmas— V&Nfl Wt * V&J^LU Time of cheer and time of plenty. V Then she sought the boss and told him ww?S Then the stranger seized a tray and Otf the stranger in the kitchen *'* vi Went to work with Minnie Harhar, Told him of the weary walking Dodging oops until she helped him All the way from Kansas City, Get a more befitting raiment, Where the stranger had been fired from And the philanthropic movement Just because he had got jagged and ; Set her back just seven-fifty. Could not work at biscuit shooting. o Then he got a shave and hair cut And a bottle of loud perfume. fThus equipped to make a conquest, He threw googoo eyes at Minnie — he ms " SH r* Threw them hard and threw them often Xivt* Then he took her, unresisting, In his arms and hugged and kissed her. * T 9 He was hers and she was his’n For a week or ten days, maybe, «• Until he had met another Out upon the public highway— And a smile that put him bughouse. Met a gazelle with a light step She was working in a chop joint Farther down toward the river, -.1... And his footsteps turned he often BfLJSR r «^ r T~l Joyfully in that direction. sscbajk Just as soon as work was over ymmWtSi With the gazelle he would wander. Tf Th e y were fairly glued together SMBSAag* As they walked and chinned each other, , All unknown to Minnie Harhar, And they'd take their beer quite often In the wine room at O’Kelley’s. —, Christmas days were soon forgotten, \STjI \ pV/ And the loan he’d got from Minnie t™«» me fbjl *’ From his memory fast was fading. tOne day Minnie Harhar saw them Sure, she could have bawled him out then, Sauntering along together, And the gazelle would have shared it, And the air was fairly reeking But would that have helped to get her With the stickiness of love talk Any of the seven-fifty Minnie caught on very quickly, She’d invested in his raiment I Saw which way the wind was blowing, Minnie Harhar pondered deeply, But refrained from taking action. Made a. sneak and held her temper. ( Baying he must dig Up quickly Minnie saw he was not coming UTfsra BMW •be’d put him out of business. Through with any sum of money. mOMM wnr. Waiting then for half a nflnute, In the use of the invective Minnie Harhar was not slouchy. Like the hot soup from the ladle. | In the choicest chophouse language ) Minnie then addressed the' piker— J Said he was a chump and welsher, n Ai»° oheap screw, phony, moocher: Called him two spot, bloke and wuzzer, I < "'" mMSi \TT - """t-v aC - Said he was a yap from Yapville And a skate from down the river. Pf*P|jSgE(gp Minnie also shied utensils, Fans and plates were flying wildly, • ffpr Hsing them for punctuation; Walls were spattered with their contents, W * > Hujled a plate with such precision While the boss had taken refuge ft ] That it spoiled his face forever; In a corner, with a table j j I [Hammed a stove Ud on his stomach, Upturned there to shield and hide him I V j A Pot of beans against his bosom; And the piker, he was hiking BLV H ' m Hit him with the mashed potatoes Fast around the room and dodging lapahl And a fricassee of chicken. But at every throw was getting y ! All the time the pests were dodging All that could bo ooming to him. IV Bound the tables in the grill room. Everything was thrown by Minnie, Jk~i All that she oould lay her hands on. Until he had eaten through it. . Nothing else was there remaining Then outside the door he ambled— ■ But a pie; ’twas made of custard. Xzlt pie and farewell piker. This she seized without a tremor. , In the art of roughhouse making With a cry she sent it hurtling - Minnie Harhar cleans the platter. Through the air, and safe it landed Trifling some with her affections On the visage of the piker. Is not now considered healthful. With his face all plastered over, And the piker who has tried its ■tartly he was out of business It is best that he be nameless. 1 -v ",v i . ‘ .T .T' ':A '%

ONE TOO MANY.

Thirty' yean ago in a lively New England township there lived a man wh(fee name was Lemuel Prouty. Be was a real estate agent and had long enjoyed a monopoly of the business In that village. At intervals when a newcomer hung out his “shingle” bearing the inscription, “So-and-so, Real Estate,” old I*m Prouty, as he was commonly called, would exert his energies to drive him out of business, and invariably in the course of a few months he succeeded. So shrewd was this veteran trader and such a hold did he have in his town that in twenty-five years only two sales had been made by rival agents, and in each instance they had been compelled to buy the old man off to prevent his upsetting the trade. One day as old Lem sat in the open doorway of Tom Connor’s stable he remarked: “The man who gets ahead of me, Tom, must rise up early in the morning and ait up late o’ nights—in fact, he must stay up most nil the time.” Tom laughed and replied, “I guess that’s about right, Lem.” At this point Bill Gardner, the portly constable, who was sitting on a barrel enjoying an after dinner cigar, piped out, “WhaJ Lem Prouty don’t know about seUin’ horses ain’t worth knowin’, and I’ll bet $lO to $1 on him any day.” Some days later, as old Lem sat in the stable doorway smoking and chatting with a party of acquaintances, his eye rested on a new sign In bold characters which read, “Andrew Gray, Beal Estate.” “Aha!” exclaimed the old tt-ader. “Who is this? We’ll havg to look into the matter and give him his passports.” Shortly afterward the office door opened and a young man stepped ont. He was tall and slightly round shouldered, with red curly hair and the foundation of a sandy beard, while his clothes were worn and somewhat seedy. He presented the appearance of a young man from the country. “A verdant hayseed!” exclaimed the old trader. ‘.‘That's easy game enough.” He spoke so loudly that the young man cast a sharp glance at him as he passed down the street. Immediately old Lem started in pursuit, and. by keeping at a safe distance and inquiring of neighbors and acquaintances with whom he saw the young man talking, he managed to learn that his young rival had effected a sale and that the papers were to be drawn up on the morrow. That evening the veteran trader called upon Mr. Andrew Gray at his office. * “Mr. Lemuel sir,” said that worthy gentleman, seating himself in a chair, with some emphasis. “Good evening, sir,” said the young man, with a glance that seemed to say, “I have seen you before and don’t entertain a very good impression of you.” “Well, sir,” began old Lem, “I s’pose you know who I am. For twenty-five years I’ve handled all the property that’s been sold around here, and whenever I’ve had a competitor I’ve squelched him. Now, I. understand, sir, that you’ve made a sale, and I just dropped around to say that the mau you’ve traded with is an old friend of mine and that I have a place which I know he would like a great deal better. Unless you are willing to make It right with me I shall see him at once." “Sir,” replied Mr. Gray rather sharply, “the trade is all made, and he has agreed to take the place.” “Agreed!” thundered old Lent. “What’s that amount to? I know the man better than you do, and when I can give him a better place and save him money, too, he won’t be fool enodfeh to take yours.” A look of deep concern overspread the face of Andrew Gray, and for some time he was lost In thought Finally he looked up and inquired: “If I give you half my commission will you be satisfied?” “Yes, perfectly.” replied old Lem, his face beaming with triumph. “Agreed!” said Mr. Gray. “I will give you oue-half of what I get for selling the place. The papers will be passed at noon tomorrow. Good evening, sir,” he added abruptly. “Good evening,” returned old Lem as he sauntered slowly out of the office. “The easiest one yet” he chuckled as he latched the door. On the following day Lemuel Prouty put lu his appearance several minutes before the appointed time. The stable keeper and the fat policeman had also come over at old Lem’s request to see how easy be could “turn $50.” Others of the party were the landlord, the customer, the Justice Of the peace and the young agent. The papers having bees duly drawn up,’ signed and sworn to, the former landlord turned to Mr. Gray %nd Inquired: “Now, sir, how much do I owe you?” “Not a cent," replied Mr. Gray emphatically. There was a moment’s silence, when Lemuel Prouty arose and, stuffing his hands into his trousers pockets, bolted moodily out at the doorway, followed by peals of laughter. Some time afterward the following advertisement appeared in the local paper: “Not squelched! Andrew Gray Is Still doing business at the old stand.”

Not Seasonable.

“I see Maybell’s young man is still calling.” “Yen. He is wasting gaa around here, as usual.” <. “How do you like him?" “He is a bird.” “Yon think no?” “Yea, but the trouble Is be In not n tarfcey.” . T

w* farm and Garden

IRRIGATION UP TO DATE.

Grsat Desert Area Made Arable In Recent Years. In America irrigation was practiced thousands of years ago by the prehistoric town building Pueblo Indians in New Mexico and Arizona. The first systematic application of Irrigation to be made by the whites in the United States was inaugurated by the Mormons on the shores of the Great Salt lake In 1847. The Mormons found Utah anything but the promised land for which they had hoped. From necessity they resorted to irrigation and soon made the barreu site of Salt Lake City one of the most prosperous communities in the west. A few years later the placer miners in California utilized their placer wasb-

oonaTßtJcrnio ah ikrioatiok ditch. lng strfems for Irrigation purposes and raised large crops of vegetables and grain. However, irrigation did not make any extensive headway until the civil war and during the early seventies, when the great tide of immigration turned toward the west. In 1870 only about 20,000 acres of land were cultivated by Irrigation in the United States. In the next ten years this number was increased to 1,000,000 acres. During the years between 1880-90 irrigation experienced a great boom, and the number of acres increased to nearly 4,000,000. In 1902, the last census, the acreage was 9,034,526, and each month sees thousands of.acres added until the total is nearly 15,000,000 acres today.

Among the great Irrigating engineering feats of this country is the wonderful Strawberry valley project at Vernal, Utah, now under way, where a storage reservoir will be built to hold 5,000,000,000 gallons of water, and a tunnel three and one-half miles long is being cut through a mountain. The work is being *done by electrically driven tools, and when completed the water will first he used to generate electricity for lighting and power purposes and then for irrigation. The entire electrical equipment for this plant was furnished by the General Electric company. The Williston (N. D.) project and the Buford-Trenton project in the same state are operated entirely by electricity. The current Is generated by Curtis steam turbo-generators and is used to drive the large motors connected with the centrifugal pumps. Another system has been installed at Garden City, Kan., and still another at Salt Lake, Ariz. At the last named place the vertical shaft General Electric generators are directly connected to large water wheels for generating the current. •

The amount appropriated and expended by the government for irriga tion from 1901 to the close of the fiscal year ended June 30 last is over $37,000,000. The irrigation act gives the secretary of the interior a very wide latl-

COMPLETED IRRIGATION DITCH.

tude in the investment of this large fund, although he is required to spend the major portion of the fund arising from the sale of public lands within each state or territory for the benefit of Its lands so far as practicable. ■* ■ 1 Turnip Tast* In Buttsr. The following is from a German agricultural publication: The milk from cows fed on turnips has a peculiar odor and taste. Apparently some volatile product from the turnips gets Into the body fluids of the cow and thus affects the milkThis fault may be corrected by warming or aerating the milk. But,’besides this, certain organisms, us coll bacteria, Actinomyces odorifer, Penicilllum brevicaule and lactic acid bacteria, which ap found in the faeces of cows fed ou beets or turnips, also produce the turnip flavor and aroma In batter made from milk or cream in which they are present. The turnip taste of butter may be due to both of these causes together. Butter may have the turnip flavor and aroma, however, even when no turnips are fed, as coll bacteria causing the taste are found also on oats, barley, corn, rape and other feeding •stuffs. Pasteurizing the iqllk, with subsequent aeration. Is recommended as a means of preventing the development of the turnip flavor In batter.

Permanently Located In Rensselaer for More Than Four Years. dp It has been my'constant endeavor for more than four years to establish and maintain a reputation for carefully and accurately correcting refractive errors by using the correct lenses to correct the trouble found, giving perfect vision, re-’ lieving tired eyes, headaches, and nervous troubles, which is > a benefit to one’s general health. Inquire among those that have had attention of this kind and see wbe receives the credit for the benefit they have received! After satisfying yourself of this fact, you can find the office to have such trouble taken care of, over A. F. LONG’S DRUG STORE, or telephone 232. DR. A. G. CATT OPTOMETRIST. Graduate of Optical College, also Registered on State Board Examination.

GOOD COFFiEE For *BreaKfast ‘ Nothing better to fit one for a good day’s work than a cup of coffee at breakfast time. But get good coffee. Poor coffee is little better, from a health standpoint, than roasted snowflakes. There is nothing there which your system demands or palate relishes. Say—try our Ferndell Coffee. That’s all. McFarland & Son Reliable Qroeers

TOBIAS’ | ! SUBSCRIPTION? I AGENCY | > Magazines, Newspapers, Low * rates, prompt service. We can 5 ? supply any magazine or news- > > paper published, and can save 5 < you money. Call for prices. > j F. W. Tobias j 5 Cigars, Tobacco. f and Candy^ l l S High Grade Chocolates 5 ? a Specialty. Big Public £ale The undersigned will offer at public auction on the Mary E. Spitler farm in Newton county, Jackson township, 3 miles west and 1 mile mile north of Mt. Ayr; 8 miles north of Brook, and 5 miles east and 1 mile north of Morocco, commencing at 10 a. m., on. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1908. The following described personal property: 16 Head of Horses: —1 gray mare twelve years old, weight 1400; 1 chestnut sorrel mare. H years old. weight 1400. mare 5 years old. weight 1200, in foal. , one gray mare coming 4 years old, weight 1300, in foal; 1 gray mare coming 3 years old, weight 1250. in foal; 1 black horse 3 years old, trotting bred; 1 black pony mare 6 years old; 1 black horse coming 3 years old, weight 1250; 1 bay mare coming 5 years old. weight 1350, automobile broke, 2 black colts coming 2 years old, 3 last spring colts; 1 Clyesdale stallion, known as County Chairman. No. 11204, Standard Bred, 5 years old, weight 1700. 19 Head of Cattle:— Consisting of 16 head of steers coming 2 years old and 3 cows. Brood Sows and Pigs:—7 fine brood sows and 50 pigs. Implements:— l broad tire wagon. 1 road wagon, 2 binders, 2 cultivators, one spading disc, 1 end-gate seeder and seeder box. 1 Good Enough sulky plow, and many other articles too numerous to mention. Terms of sale:—A credit of twelve months will be given on sums over $lO with the usual conditions. Six per cent discount for cash where purchaser is entitled to credit. W. S. GREENLEE Fred Phillips, Auctioneer. <« C. G. Spitler, Clerk. Lynch’s Hot L.trnch on Grounds'. 1 Subscribe for The Democrat