Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 November 1908 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. The man who makes a great deal of his falls doesn’t make much of a success. Kindness and courtesy need elbow room and are smothered to death In a crowd.

The clocks in some households suffer so much from congestion of the face that it seems impossible for any members of the household ever to be on time. People who have no brains are fortunate, Indeed, if they can draw on their bankers for what passes for brains. Most women are fond of men, but so many of them are so particular as to what men. It is extremely trying to be obliged to associate with people who always and Invariably would rather not. People who keep their feelings out tn the road where they are sure to get hurt should be presented with a small iron bank to keep them in.

Some broad minded people are nevertheless so thin minded that their liberality of opinion avails little. Variable. A song for Indian summer! When it is gay and fair Td like to thank the Indian Who kindly put it there. When it Is cold and cheerless, The skies a weepy gray, Td like to meet that red man And take his scalp away. The trees stand out hand painted By nature, qrtlst rare, And odors as of Incense Float on the hazy air, And, sailing ,tn the distance, A hawk appears in sight That's looking for a chicken To stay Its appetite. Out in the mellow stubble A plump and tempting quail Is tuning up its whistle, The passersby to hale. For. seeing city sportsmen Four fenceposts in advance, It calls to them, well knowing It does not take a chance. The skies above seem closer, The sun has lost tts flame. Where once it was a furnace Now it is dull and tame. Winds sing a dirge for summer, Gray clouds obscure the scene. Thus giving us a sample Of autumn being mean.

•t * Precocious. “What do you think of the univeraa 1 1 a nguage?" “Fine. Our baby talks It all the time.’*

No Woman Can. “I never argue with a woman.** “Do you mention that as a fact or claim as it as a virtue?” •Why?” “Because as a fact it Is stale and as a virtue it Is a pretense. No woman •ver argues.” Higher Submarg ament. “What shall we do with the submerged tenth?” “Submerge them some more.” “You cruel thing?’ “I mean in a bathtub.” Tha Sun and Moon. Many boys and girls doubtless wonder why the sun and the moon appear larger when near the horizon than when well up in the sky. This question has always puzzled the scientists and has never been settled with absolute definiteness. Perhaps the best answer to the question may be given in the words of the eminent astronomer Herschel: “The dilated size of the sun or moon when seen near the horizon has nothing to do with refraction. It is an Illusion of the judgment, arising from the terrestrial objects interposed or placed in comparison with t|em.” Where He Was Strong. “What complaint did the heiress make against her husbandF* “A most outrageous one.” “Indeed! What was ItF “Nonsupport."