Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 November 1908 — THE WIDOW and A THANKSGIVING EPISODE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

THE WIDOW and A THANKSGIVING EPISODE

Deacon silas lapham, via. ower, bad been paying atten tions to Aunt Sarah Hender sou. widow, for two years Each beard that ttfe other was stub born, and each was watching and waiting for the other to exhibit the trait Thanksgiving brought the crisis. The widow invited the deacon to dinner There was no question about the deacon taking the bead oi tbe table, bnt when tbe matter of carving came op tbe widow took knife and fork in hand and said: “I can do It so mneb better than you. you know." "1 fall to see bow or why," he replied. "Because l have alwaye carved. It was an eccentricity of mine even when I was a girl. No doubt you can slice ham or pork, but wben It comes to carving a turkey’’— “I have carved thousands of them

as you must know,” interrupted the deacon, with considerable asperity. “Don’t jab the fork into the bird like that. That’s like a hired man jabbing a pitchfork into a heap of hay.” “I was not jabbing. In order to ■tart carving you must get a firm bold of the bird. ' “Then take it by a leg.” "Never! How would you look holding the bird with one hand while you sliced away with the knife? If you have always carved that way”— ”1 have, and it’s the only way to carve. There—you are jabbing again! One would think you were a soldier bayoneting an enemy.” , “Deacon Silas Lapham, you are talking like a child! When I think I need to be told how to carve a turkey I will call on you for advice. 1 simply get a firm hold with the fork and then”— “And then jab, jab. jab. A woman has no business with the carving knife and fork when there is a man present I -will carve this turkey.” “I beg your pardon, but yon will sit there and see me carve it. Don’t forget that I am in my own house and that 1 am stiil my own boss.” “You Invite me.to dinner and then humiliate me. do you?" shouted the deacon as lie shoved back his chair. "Now, don't lie a schoolboy,” chided the widow as she flourished the knife around. “Having got a firm hold with the fork. 1 now proceed to cut around the thigh joint—thus.” “But you are sawing instead of cutting.” “No. I’m not “Widow Henderson!** “Deacon Lapham!” “If 1 was a swearing man"— “You’d get off a swear word on this Occasion Yes. you look as if you were ■wearing to yourself this minute.” “I hain’t sworn a single swear, but when a man lias to sit here and see a Thanksgiving turkey jabbed and poked and stabbed and sawed and butchered the Lord would surely forgive him for one or two swear words.” “Deacon Silas Lapham.” she replied as she rested from her labors, “I said I could carve a fowl.” “Then why don’t you?” “I am doing it. and if you would keep quiet for five minutes I” “This is too much, widow— too much"’ said the deacon as he started for his overcoat and hat. “Yoq, invite me here and then insult me. 1 heard about your obstinacy”— “And I beard about yours.” “And your wretched temper”— “Same to you.” “But 1 thought It a slander. Now,, however, 1 can no longer doubt.” “Neither can I.” “It was my place to carve that turkey In your obstinacy you continued to saw and Jab and butcher without regard to my feelings. My only recourse is to hid you good day and tike my bat and leave.” “If you will act like a boy, 1 can’t help It.” “And never come again,” finished

"THERE—YOU ARE JABBING AGAIN!"