Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 November 1908 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. The married man sagely remarks that the bachelor doesn't know what he is missing, for to know it be must have suffered It.

It is most fortunate that the majority of us are cheerful liars, else social life would be one long nightmare of agony. The man who doesn’t know what to do with his money is a man without imagination and moat probably without money.

It may not be good form to offer your fashionable caller a bowl of hot soup, but It certainly is charming hospitality. The woman with a brand new fall hat and a directolre gown is neither heartbroken, no matter what her domestic difficulties, nor entirely pyThe man who loses hesitates—to go home and recount to his wife how he spent th' afternoon. ' If you want to keep your skirts clear of trouble when people ask for your advice, find out what they are going to do, anyway, and tell them not to. It Is not so hard for a man to stop drinking—when he is out of money and hls credit is no longer good at the bar. Anyway, looking at our neighbors* children, most of us are firm In our belief that we know how not to raise them. I I The industry and energy of a bustling busy man are sometimes positively annoying—to a lazy person. Sura Opportunity. Be good. Be good, My darling child, . A Well mannered, Neither -~.- Bold nor wild. . See that -ft -' Your moments ~ Are well spent ' * Though you . May not 1 Be president, ' ’"’-'A, Yet when “ ' f -_— You grow .?* To man’s estats You still May be A candidate. Though only One may win The prize Hi. . And to . The White House ( . Level rise. *•’ A dozen more yfe--. With tilted ’ Lance As candidates May take A chance. That field Is large And limitless, And any man Of good Address Can get Some faction. Sect or clan To hale Him as The coming man. Hot Air. "I had to pay an enormous gas bill this month.’’ “Is that so? I thought you used electricity.’’ “We do.” “How about it, then?” “Had to consult a lawyer.” Easy Money. “W’hy is it that a woman will always jump at a dollar article when it is marked down to 98 cents?” “That is easy enough. If she saves thq 2 cents she feels justified In spending $1.50, for matinee'tickets.”

Emancipated.

Once those who danced serene and gay The fiddler fellow hud to pay, But now on him they get the laugh By -dancing to the phonograph. Ticklish Subject. “My policy is in accord with the spirit of the times.” “The what?” “The spirit of the times, I said.’’ “Be careful, sir; this is a prohibition state.” As Usual. “You look all fagged out.” “Why, yea; didn’t you know?’ “Know what?” “That 1 have Just returned from my summer rest.”