Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 October 1908 — Page 3

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. As a rule, the people who make such an ado about the truth being told them are particular about the kind. The man who trims his sail to suit every breeze makes a great reputation for activity, but doesn’t get anywhere. A

No woman wants a man to be a bungler at lovemaking, but she is sure to be jealous of his experience. Poverty is indeed a blessing. It gives such a warm and comfortable glow to those who do not possess it. Riches have long had wings. It is soon to be hoped that they will be the possessors of aeroplanes. Be kind to your neighbors. You never know until you have tried it what an appetite for kindness they have. But the trouble is that if we get all we need we never have any place in which to put the surplus. Some friendships that were kindled and toasted their toes at the fires of prosperity need to be Incased in a fireless cooker when the winds of adversity begin to blow. A man may be great and not know it himself, but most of us are great and have exclusive knowledge of the fact

At Lest. Look up. Look up And see What's here. With wings And things With which To steer. It is— Can I Believe my eye 7 A queer Contraption That can fly. For many Years, The records say. The world Has waited For this day. The lofty hope Encompassed it That / Some time ' It would rise And flit. How men In all The ages past Have labored On This project vast; Have mounted Sail On bamboo light And, baffled. Paused Just short Of flight; Have bended wire And twisted rope. Their hearts enkindled By the hope That some day they Would rise and plow The upper air As we do now.

Explained. The tog horn’s voice is very rough. The reason, I am told, It’s out in stormy weather And always has a cold. Naturally That. "I suppose the airship will develop a new language, just as the automobile did." “Sure. There will be airship lingo.” “I wonder what it will lie like.” “Something highfalutin.” a - ■ ■ ■ Escaped After Results. "Bay, old man, you’re looking fine.” T’m feeling up at the top notch.” I “What’s the reason? Couldn’t you get off this season for a vacation?” Appropriate Markings. "He took an examination for a position with the weather bureau.” “How high did he pass?” "Ninety in the shade.”

One Way. “See that well dressed, fine looking guy?” “Yes.” “Bill, the buiA. just passed the time of day with him.” / “Pretty swift company. Does Bill know him?” “Never saw him before.” “How did he come to pass the time of day?” “Swiped h 1 p watch.”

FACTS IN FEW LINES

Native trees are used as telegraph poles in parts of Java. New' Caledonia owns one solitarj mile of submarine cable. Navigation in the Suez canal is often interrupted by 'sand storms. An Indian stream, the river Kistnah, 600 feet wide, has the longest span of telegraph wire in the world. In St. Petersburg Is the largest bronze statue in existence, that of Teter, the Great, which weighs 1,000 tons. Outside of Europe the fargest six cities in the world are New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Calcutta, Pekin and Shanghai. An electric railroad is being built up the Zugspltze, the highest peak of the Bavarian Alps. A hotel is to be built on the 7,000 foot level. Furniture is as yet a luxury In Brazil. Consul General Anderson says. Outside the cities the tables, etc., in use are homemade and very primitive. Eugene E. Safford of Canterbury, Conn., has a cow with peculiar tastes. On a recent Sunday the animal made way with part of her master’s coat and later ate Safford’s hat with evident relish. No wonder that so many shops in New York city sell shoes and that so many shops sell nothing but shoes, for it is estimated that the pedestrians of the city wear out 28,800 pairs of shoes each day. > The nut trees of the world could, it is calculated, provide food all the year round for the population of the globe.Brazil nuts grow in such profusion that thousands of tons of them are wasted every year.

The cuttings in Uncle Sam’s wood lot during 1007 were the most severe on record. They were 7 per cent more than the cut reported in 1900 and amounted to considerably over 40.000,000,000 board feet. A woman of Wahrlng, Bohemia, and her two slaughters attempted to commit suicide because the local newspaper had hinted not only that they were extravagant in dress, but that they dressed with bad taste. Records of the treasury department show that the port of New York during the fiscal year 1907-8 has a larger balance of trade in Its favor than ever before. For the entire United States the balance is $666,457,103, which exceeds by $2,000,000 the largest year before, which was 1900-1.

It is an unwritten law in Japan that on the empress’ birthday all the schoolgirls shall listen to the reading of the Imperial rescript on education and sing the national hymn. These observations were omitted at a Presbyterian school in Nagoya this year, and in consequence the head master, a Christian Japanese, has been dismissed. Modern brick buildings of ten and twelve stories are being taken down and replaced by steel frame structures of greater height on Broadway, New York. While the foundations of the original skyscrapers are strong enough to sustain additions above, there is enough saving of Space in the new plan of thinner walls to make the change profitable. The island of Yezo, or Hokkaido, is the richest in variety of undeveloped resources of any part of the possession of Japan. Its area is more than 30.000 square miles and its coast 1,600 miles, exclusive of the various dependent islands, which have an area of 6,200 square miles. Hokkaido is the second largest island in Japan. Its population in 1903 was 1,192,394. An extraordinary commission has been created in Paris to investigate the affairs of the order of the Legion of Honor, created by Napoleon as a signal mark of merit for distinguished service rendered to the state. This original purpose of its founder has been gradually subverted, and the cross has been bestowed for rather ordinary causes, frequently political. An annual profit of $l5O per acre can be cleared In Mexico by the cultivation of the zapupe plant, the fiber of which is used for many purposes. From it is manufactured, among other things, the finest cordage and rope, which will neither mold nor kink and which is unaffected by climatic conditions of any kind. As animals do not touch this plant, fencing in the crops, an ex pensive thing In Mexico, is unnecessary.

German educators are now introducing picture post cards into the schools. Within the last few months cards have been put on the market illustrating natural history, political history and even giving instructions in the German language. These cards have been approved by professors and teachers of reputation, and at a recent meeting of the German Geographical society it was proposed for the first time to use them in the schools.

While in Afherlca societies are being formed for the suppression of street noises, Paris has added another to the terror of the streets. It is a new form of bicycle alarm. The bell and the horn hjive had their day, and now the favorite “avertisseur” consists of a sort of miniature tambourine, which is struck by a small wooden hammer operated by contact with the spokes of the front wheel. It is certainly effective, but the noise is said to be enough to revivify a cadaver. Professor Paul Haupt, who provoked a storm of discussion at the international historical congress in London by his address on “The History of Galilee,” in which he stated that Jesus was born 'at Nazareth rather than Bethelehem and probably was not a descendant of David, has been professor of Semitic languages and director of the Oriental seminary in Johns Hopkins university since 1883He was born at Goerlltz. Germany, In 1858 and was educated at Leipsic and Berlin universities.

NEW SHORT STORIES

The Celebrity, Lyman Beecher Stowe, grandson of Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe and grandnephew of Lyman Beecher, tells this story on himself: When bp first came to New York hii roommate was a young man who had juat been taken on one of the evening papers as a reporter. After be had been there a short time the editor informed him that his job was to consist in getting a short dally interview with “some celebrity.” That sounded' pretty good to tin young man. So the first day he sal lied forth and had no difficulty in land ing John Kendrick Bangs. Afterward he waylaid Cyrus Townsend Brady. In short, for a week or so the daily celebrity interview went on swimming ly, and the editor was delighted. But soon the work began to get mor? difficult. Celebrities either were too

“WELL, YOU’VE GOT A NERVE!"

coy or weren’t at home. He got several reproofs at the office for failing to liunt them down, so lie grew desperate. On one of his most desperate days he entered his room, found his roommate, Mr. Stowe, there and smiled mysteriously to himself. Then he began asking Mr. Stowe questions—what were his views on municipal politicson the business situation? Puzzled, but unsuspecting, Mr. Stowe gave his views at some length. The next day the evening paper above mentioned came out with this: “Our Daily Interview With a Celebrity. Lyman Beecher Stowe on Politics and the Business Situation." “Well, you’ve go a nerve!” Stowe informed his roommate when the latter got home that night. “How dared you pass me off as a celebrity?" “Lyman Beecher Stowe,” said the graceless reporter, “do you suppose that anybody seeing your name would think you were anything else?”—New York Times.

Minstrel Lost Out. An Indian medicine show represented one of the first “professional” engagements of George Evans of the Cohand & Harris minstrels. The engagement lasted only one day. Young Evans was engaged by the .“professor” as official sobriety preserver. In other words, he was to see that the Indiarts aid not fill up on firewater until their day’s work was done. “Ladies and gentlemen,” announced the “professor" that afternoon during a lapse in the lecture, “we will now witness a genuine Indian war dance rendered by our entire redskin aggregation.” Then he whispered to Evans, who was standing near by. looking frightened: “Where’s the aggregation?” “I—l’ve lost track of ’em,” confessed Evans in a tremble. “I’ll find ’em.” muttered the “professor.” He sped straight to the nearest saloon, where he found the “aggregation” in a state that would have prevented a creditable rendition of the war dance. Evans’ engagement ended right there.

Knew His Business. The Leroy Reporter tells this story about John E. Watrous of Burlington, Kan., one of the deputy collectors of internal revenue: Traveling along a country road. Mr. W’atrous was attracted by frightful screams coming from a little house not far from the road. Hurriedly tying his horse, he ran to the house and found a little boy had swallowed a quarter, and his luothwß not knowing what to do, was frairac. Mr. Watrous caught the little fellow by the heels and, holding him up, gave him a,few shakes, whereupon the coin dropped to the floor. “Weil, mister,” said the grateful mother, “you certainly know how to get it out. Are you a doctor?” “No, madam,” replied Watrous. “I’m a collector of internal revenue.”—Topeka Capital.

When Mr. Taft Practiced Law. While he was practicing law in Cincinnati Mr. Taft* represented a litigant who had brought suit to recover a large sum in damages from a former business partner. The attorney for the defendant called upon Mr. Taft and suggested a compromise. Mr. Taft shook his head and replied: ’T'tn afraid this is one of the tilings w<» cannot cotnpromlse. You reir' nl me in your position somewhat of the colonel in the civil war who was asked after his first battle how. he liked it. He replied, •Oh, personally I didn’t mind it so much, but when I raw my men falling all around me I said to myself, “See here, isn’t there some way that this confounded thing can be compromised?”’”

Inches m H ra SB Long J| W y fe Save 50% Y p u - at dUE n now saw i rice Aaw tttwt AC'Tmr'iT m Tiifn GENUINE OSTRICH PLUME NOTAN IMITATION. An absolutely perfect and most beautiful 14 Lj in. feather, richly curled. The size and quality sold in the large stores of cities like New York and Chicago at 12.50 an 4 $3.00. Our Price to You, Only $1.25, Prepaid. Guaranteed exactly as represented, or we will promptly refund money. Every woman should buy a several years’supply ■ while these most extraordinary prices last.' Milliners, too should take advantage of this great opportunity, as ■ they can makegood profits on these plumes. * ■ HOW CAN WE MAKE SUCH AN EXTRAORDINARY OFFER? • Simply by selling to you direct, for cash cutting out all middlemen’s profits, traveling f" - """H men s salaries, storekeeping expenses, etc. Besides, by not selling on credit, we save losses , ner wnoiesaie rncei due to bad accounts. So we can afford to sell to you at really less than dealers usually 1n..... .g 38.50 g pay at wholesale. Ours is the largest concern of Its kind In the U. 8. and we are in 10 } n 8.00 All Colors: position to sell at lower prices than any other firm. We save you from 60% to 75% } n Black, White. ■ on prices usually charged, on all sixes. in...... 5.00 Ked, Purple, ■ AN EXCEPTIONAL BARGAIN IN OSTRICH TIPS. THREE FINE TIPS— 10 to 12 inches lone— Our Price on same, *I.OO a bunch. Plume. ) 25.00 We carry a large supply of all color.. ImmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmJ ■ FANCY OSTRICH AIGRETTES, Effective and Stylish Trimming, Black and White, *I.OO a Dozen: Bunch of ft Four Perfect Tips, with Aigrettes in Center... *I.OO ■ I Our Special $9 Bird of Paradise I 21.. w*f****/**<* V* y* a uiuuiuv pare with lt (or three times toe price r<>r ■ ■ | brilliancy of feathers, curling ana finish, it is certainly incomparable. Every stylish dresser should have one. >* Order anything from the list given, and you are bound to be satisfied and delighted with your purchase. We have satisfied thousands I of others in all sections of the country. Our large capital and our long experience enable us to secure the very best in the market, and I we know you will be “more than pleased” with quality as well as price. Certainly it is worth your while to buy feathers of sucMgrades ■ when your dollar will go practically three times as far as when you buy at a local retail store—in other words, when you can get two K plumes for about the price of one! v AU orders promptly filled. Our large force and up-to-date facilities enable us to fill orders, large and small, in most cases on the ■ day they are received. Send at once, stating whether one or more wanted, size or sizes, color or colors. Send your remittance in full. I CHICAGO FEATHER CO. I NOS. 233 AND 236 E. JACKSON BOULEVARD DESK NO. E-6 CHICAGO, ILL.

Edward P. Honan, ATTORNEY AT LAW. Law, Abstracts, Real Estate, Loans. Will practice in all the courts. Office over Fendig’s Fair. RENSSELAER, INDIANA.

Arthur H. Hopkins, Law, Loans and Real Estate. Loans on farm and City property, personal security and chattel mortgage. Buy, sell and rent farms and city property. Farm and city Are Insurance. Attorneys for AMERICAN BUILDING. LOAN AND SAVINGS ASSOCIATION. Office over Chicago Department Store. RENSSELAER. IND. *

J. F. Irwin. S. C. Irwin. Irwin & Irwin, Law, Real Estate and Insurance. 5 Per Cent Farm Loans. Office in Odd Fellows' Block. RENSSELAER. IND.

Frank Foltz C. G. Spitler. Foltz & Spitler (Successors to Thompson & Bro.) ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Law, Real Estate, Insurance, Abstracts and Loans. Only set of Abstract Books in the County. RENSSELAER. IND.

Chas. M. Sands LAWYER Law, Collections and Abstracts. I Office: Room 1, I. O. O. F. Building. Qffice Phone No. 140. RENSSELAER. - IND. Ira W. Yeoman, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. Remington ... Indiana. Law, Real Estate, Collections, Insurance and Farm Loans. Office upstairs in Durand Block.

E. C. English, I Physician Surgeon. Office over Imes’ Millinery store. Rensselaer, Indiana. Office Phone 177. Residence Phone, 118.

M. D. Gwin, M. D. Physician & Surgeon. Office opposite Postoffice, ’in Murray's new building. PHONE 205. day or night.

W. W. Merrill, M. D. Eclectic Physician and Surgeon, RENSSELAER, - - INDIANA. Chronic Diseases a Specialty.

Dr. E. N. Loy HOMEOPATHIST Office in rooms formerly occupied ■by Dr. Hartsell. Office phone 89, residence 160.

H. L. Brown, DENTIST. • Office over Larsh’s drug store.

BARGAINS IN PASTURE LAND. 280 acres level pasture land, lies along large d tch, mostly open land, in hluc gms,, on main road, % mile to school, % mile to' gravel road leadit.g to court house. , Will take half in good town property, merchandise, or other land. Price 130. G. F. MEYERS, An arm load of old papers for a nickel at the Democrat office.

Automobile Li-dery Cars for hire at all hours of day or night. Reliable cars and competent drivers. We will make a pecialty of carrying to and from parties and dances. Give us a call. Rates reasonable. 'Rensselaer Garage.

The Anvil Chorus “Order is Heaven’s first law,” DeArmond’s work’s without flaw; “Instinct builds a nest that’s true,” DeArmond shapes the horseshoe. W. S. DeARMOND, Tefft,

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DEALER IN Un iilffi ml i W MUIER, IND. <

Yes, The Democrat has a few of those Wall Charts left, and the price remains at 35 cents additional when sold with a year’s subscription to The' Democrat, 45 cents if to be mailed.

FULL BLOOD SHORTHORN BULLS FOR SALE. One excellent 2-year-old and two yearlings. Also farms to rent, pos- : session given either fall or spring. S. P. THOMPSON, ’Phone 37. Rensselaer, Ind.

THE NEW 1 Will NO. 2 Manufactured by THE SUN TYPEWRITER CO. Organized 1885. 317 Broadway. New York C’ty PRICE S4O.

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IT’S QUALITY THAT COUNTS IN THE LONG RUN. WHEN ABOUT TO BUY, LUMBER, THE QUESTION TO ASK IS NOT “HOW CHEAP,” BUT “HOW GOOD.” WE PRIDE OURSELVES UPON THE MANY EXCELLENT QUALITIES POSSESSED BY OUR , BUILDING TIMBER.. . WHENEVER YOU PLACE A CONTRACT WITH US, SATISFACTION IS BOUND TO RESULT. LET US QUOTE YOU ESTIMATES ON YOUR LUMBER specification! THE RENSSELAER LUMBER CO. Farm leases (cash or grain rent), mortgage and deed blanks, etc., for sale at all times and in any Quantity desired at The Democrat office.