Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 October 1908 — GANDERBONES FORECAST [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GANDERBONES FORECAST

- FOR NOVEMBER. (Copyright 1908, by C. H., Rleth.) A table and a pitcher, A tumbler and a stand, , A man in double-breasted clothes, And music by the band; A last appeal to reason, A crowd with cheering draft— Some folks think it’s Bryan, And others think it’s Taft. A speaker on a Pullman, A little pantomine, A hasty diagnosis of The perils of the time; A farewell and a promise, A benediction aft— Some folks think it’s Bryan, And others think it’s Taft. O’ ■ . • A man with twenty dollars, Another man with ten, A swift exchange of challenges, And two excited men; A show-down and a wager, A banknote and a draft— Some folks think it’s Bryan,., And others think it’s Taft. A homestretch and a tumult, jA spyglass and a shout, A feverish excitement while They try to make them out; A flying dust cloud leading, A second cloud abaft — Some folks think it’s Bryan, And others think it’s Taft.

In the old Roman calendar November was the ninth month. Blessings fell early, and the empire gave thanks just before the first frost; but about 700 B. C. the trusts left the people so little to be thankful for after nine months that it was decided to wait a while and see if anything would come of the Roman elections. Numa accordingly made November the eleventh month and had Thanksgiving fall with the first snows, notwithstanding the month gets its name from the Latin novem (nine.) The frisky colt will sniff the air and hear the whistling quail, and the festive calf will indicate the zenith with his tail. The frost will paint the forest with a deep and redder dye, the hired man will shuck the corn, the pumpkin vine will pie, the politicians will hit up their office-hold-ing feud, and the modest .maple tree will blush and come out in the nude.

And then the presidential race Will hold its royal sway, And everyone will exercise His liver, anyway. He’ll bounce it up and down between His pancreas and gizzard, And waltz it through his inner works From A around to Izzard, And even though his present race May prove to be in vain, He’ll have the health and strength -to run Sometime, perhaps, again. At any rate the candidates will dash into the stretch, and both Bills-o’-the-Wisp will make themselves quite hard to ketch. They’ll spurt in spirited response to many wild arousers, and fan the dust up with the slack downhanging from their trousers. They’ll come tn sight exhibiting a score of fancy paces, and only hit the trembling earth in four or five high places. The air will darken with the flight of gravel, dirts and sods, and the crowd will sound its battle cries and give and offer odds. And Teddy meanwhile will wedge in quite-dose beside the track, with something that he has concealed within a paper sack, and when his entry charges down, hot-footing like the wind, T. R. will hang a hornests nest upon him down behind.

And then there will be doings on This agitated sphere— The, earth will pitch and Suck to beat • A frenzied Texas steer. The sun will spin around and around And blow up once or twice, The moon will turn a very dark And bloody ball of iceA And no one will remain to see Who won the race for vice.

The election will be held on the 3d, and the trusts will hold an allnight prayer meeting on the 2d. Mr. Bryan will cast his vote for Mr. Taft at Lincoln. Mr. Taft will return the courtesy at Cincinnati, and Mr. Rockefeller will receive the news at Cleveland. The quadrennial ass who wheels another quadrennial ass through town on a wheelbarrow will start from the Postoffice at 10 o’clock on the morning of the 4th, followed by 90 boys and the Fofilkiller. The complete returns will be in'by the 15th. The annual show-down between city and country life will be complete by the 20th, when the farmer will have his cellar stocked with potatoes, turnips, kraut, honey, nuts, hams, sidemeat, souse, popcorn, pickles, pig’s feet, applebutter, lard, sweet potatoes; and sorghum, and the city man will enter the winter with his cellar stocked with ten tons of hard coal and two gas meters.

The man who made election bets, Relying on his knowledge, Will write a sad note to his son, Withdrawing him from college. The football season will wind up, The class room claim its braves. And the faculty will order flowers And decorate the graves.

A double fleeced lined coat of hair will come in style for dogs, and the farmer will put on the pot and kill his fattened hogs? The air will teem with shouts and squeals* and sundry flavors sweet, the good) housewife will render lard and scrape and pickle feet, the spared old hens will get a note of terror In their cackllngs, and the children will refresh their turns With good old-fashioned cracklings. Mr. Roosevelt’s annual proclamation advancing the price of turkey 10 cents a pound will be issued about the middle of the month. He will urge us to give thanks that 55,000,000 cubic feet of earth were excavated at Panama in October. The sad-faced gobbler will address • His young and tearful flock, And clip for memories sweet sake A small and tear-stained lock, And then, with many sighs, will lay His head upon the block. Until the 25th November will be under the zodiacal sign of Scorpio. People born in Scorpio are cross at supper, and it is better, if possible, to be born after the 25th, when the month is under the sign of Sagitarius the Archer. Sagitarius people are only cross at breakfast, when everybody is. The flower for November is the chrysanthemum, which, signifies that Japan received our fleet without starting anything. The moon will be full on the Bth. Along about the 29 th The Duke of the Abruzzi Will get it all fixed up that he Shall wed his tootsey-wootsey; And Elkins pere will dance a jig And dream of wedding cake, While everybody else makes bets On wither it will take. - ■ And then December will blow in with cold and Christmas glee, and old King Coal, the merry old soul, will thunder opt, “Pay me!”