Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 October 1908 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITS

LIGHTNING EXPRESS. How swift the wheels of time proceed Alon* their busy way When you have bought some furniture For which you did not pay. For when the prompt Installment man Drops in for what Is due It seems as If a week rolled round Most every day or two! They say that time Is fitted out With pinions like a bird. And to the one who owes a bill This does not seem absurd. In fact, the way it flits along Much sprier than a lark Might make one think the wings were run By an electric spark. Tou gatlier In your weekly pay, A modest little sum. Which Is a sign, you may be sure, A caller soon will come. He wants a dollar for the rug— Two if you have a pair— A dollar for the looking glass And fifty cents a chair. The poets in a frenzy fine The flight of time have sung And told how you were growing Old E’er you were fairly young. But poets cannot bring It home Or rub it in as can The purchasing of furniture On the Installment plan.

Relative. A San Francisco man and a Boston man met on a train coming north from New Orleans and fell into a conversation as to changes they were both about to make in their places of abode. “Where do you expect to locate?” asked the Boston man. “In tbe far east,” replied the San Francisco man. “And where do you intend to settle down?” “In the far west,” replied the Boston man. They bemoaned the fact that since they were such congenial company they would be so far apart, but it transpired on further explanation that they were both going to live In Chicago.

As Usual.

“Hear about the common people getting automobiles?” “That so?” -Yes.” “Where are they getting them?” “In the neck.” She Knew He Could Make Good. “His wife doesn’t have much faith to him, it seems.” “Of course not. It isn’t necessary.” “Why not?” “Faith is only essential where you lack proof.” Easy Loss. The wealthy plutocrat was calm. Though cash was tight and times were bad. For in the shuffle he had lost A million that he never had.

PERT PARAGRAPHS.

It is pleasant to be successful, but It isn’t always successful to be pleasant. Getting into trouble is expensive, but some people just will have expensive things. Some men are so stupid that it makes a clever person feel Immodest just to be in their society. Being original has its drawbacks; it looks to some people like deadly insult When fiction discovers truth it seldom mentions the encounter. The ancestors of some of us make us extremely grateful to them for their consideration for us in being some three hundred years or so removed from our intimate acquaintance. Some men are bound to save themselves even if they have to use every dollar in sight Irrespective of the little matter of ownership.

When a woman gives you a .piece of her mind it is not as a guarantee that she has a peaceful mind. Trust your friends, certain ly; but remember thAt a chattel mortgage is a good thing to feel safe with.

Why doesn’t the woman’s club movement do something original—organise an expedition to the south pole, discover ft and “t up a colony there or Something like that? The man entirely* able to fight his own battlee seldom to required to do so.