Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 October 1908 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DUNCAN M. SMITH

GETTING eVEN. When, like the echo of a plague, A bore drifts into view And opens up his trouble list To tell the same to you a Don’t hit him with a railroad spike Or cut him with a kqlfe; Just break in on him and relate The story of your Cut In upon his painful talk Before he gets a start. No matter »f he throws a flt Or takes it quite to heart, Keep talking though he fidgets round And never do get through. Just make him take the medicine That he had fixed for you. Start with the moment of your birth And lead 1 him down along The boyhood places that were filled With melody and song, ' Relate the plain and simple tale Of your heroic deeds. It may be cruelty, but it’s Exactly what he needs. One treatmlht laid on good and strong Will make him hunt the door. And that will be the last of him; He won't come round for more. And, though he may be green with rage. He dare not show the same. But he’ll remember you as one Who beat him at the game. Heiress Burdened. “He wants to marry an heiress." “He has a title. Why doesn’t he?” “Well, you see, his past presents an obstacle.” “Heiresses don’t mind that. It makes a man Interesting." * “He feels quite cast down about it, though.” “What’s the trouble?” “You see, he married one only six months ago.” These Modern Days.

"Does your wife cook?” "Oh, yes, does all the cooking.” "And play the piano?” "No'; the maid does that” Not For Her. “Of course the lady millionaire can purchase what she wants.” “Then I suppose she will be buying an airship.” “No; her heirship prefers to remain on the ground.” ’ —— Out All Round. "How does Dr. Drugem like his new location?” “He is out of patience with it” “For what reason?” “He is out of patients.” An Opening. “I feel blue as indigo.” "I know where there is a good opening for you.” “Good. Where?” “In a laundry.” Cold Climb. On Greenland’s ley mountains He had a bully time. But, on the whole, he thought he would Prefer a warmer climb. PERT PARAGRAPHS. It is either the money that we have not got or the money that we have that causes us to gather the fine lines of -worrlment in our brows, hearts and consciences. The work that pays the biggest dividends In health and spirits is generally short on cash profits. It always comes as( a surprise to a woman when she discovers that her husband doesn’t like his favorite dessert. Many a married man has discovered that eternal talking is the price of peace. \ •

Nobody knows exactly what kind of a time is a ripping time, but it sounds like it, you know. A conceited'girl thinks an explanation Is due if every man she meets isn’t in love with /ler. . ' t.

When a man falls in love he is sometimes knocked silly by the concussion. A veiled Insult is just as shameless as a barefaced lie and a lot more cowardly. The whole trouble is thia: The fellow most tn need of it hasn’t time to formu’ate and apply the philosophy of the case.