Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 August 1908 — GANDER BONE’S FORECAST FOR SEPTEMBER. [ARTICLE]

GANDER BONE’S FORECAST FOR SEPTEMBER.

(Copyright 1908, by C. H. Rteth.) Now Bryan was having A speech phonographed, When who should walk in But the giant Bill Taft— they laughed. “Good morning,” said Bryan, Displaying a look Of joy and surprise As he layed down his book— And they shook. a “I have come for a visit,” Said Taft, while his hat. Was hung on a nail By the great Democrat— And they sat. “Delighted!" said Bryan, “If I be allowed The sentiment Ted Has so often avowed”— And he bowed. “I suppose,” ventured Taft, With a smile that was sweet, “You have just made a record That I’ve got to beat”— Veiy neat. “Why no,” Bryan laughed, “1 have records for two; You may make one yourtelf -If you wish so to do— After you. But Taft waved his hand \With a show of suspicion, And said, “I am not A machine politician”— Intermission. In the old Roman calendar September was the seventh month of the year. This brought Labor Day around in the heat of the summer. All the unions said it was too hot to march far enough to make any impression on capital. Like every other politician, Numa was afraid of the labor vote, so he pushed Septemebr along to the ninth place in the calendar ann had Labor Day

fall on the first day of Autumn. The unions were thus enabled to march twice as far, and Numa bad to refuse a third term. The old school bell will toll the knell of youthful summer joys, and the girls will meekly get in lind, together with some boys; but the gamer youngsters will hide out a few days In dissent, and later on the last one In will run for President. The summer girl will get her coat and Merry Widow hat, and journey easily caressed because sbe stuck to toques, will bring a mollycoddle home and show it to the folks. The tourist who have been abroad on fashionable trips, will homeward wend with hotel tags stuck all around their grips; and thronging in their wake will come a never ending flow of busted immigrants to see where they got all the dough. Septemebr Is when the autumnal equinox the musquito out. This occurs on the 22d, when the sun goes over the equator for a touchdown on the Ice cream gigglery and summer underwear. The coal man will kick goal, ana Mr. Roosevelt, leaving Sagamore Hill, will turn to Washington and the serious.business of loading some more shells for lions. The cooler air will stimulate The Presidential\race, And everybody will hit up A little faster pace. The smiling entry from the Platte Will put up clouds of dust. And the roly-poly man will run Till he is like to bust. And Teddy meanwhile will observe the contest through his glass, and stick around the half-mile post until the runners pass; and if he fears the Platte will win the highest prized of boons, he’ll laugh and whistle up a few old reassuring tunes, and toss a big fat bumblebee in Taft’s back pantaloons. And then there will be doings on this none too stable earth, and every Democrat will get his campaign dollar's worth, the Hisgens, Debs, and all of that inconsequential fry, will duck into the weeds and watch the big event go by; and the Taft men, looking on the while the fireworks

pop and sizz, will hold on tightly and enquire, “Which cloud of dust is his?” The touch of Fall will make the ripe And falling acorn thud, And the crawfish will throw up his tail And burrow in the,mud; The dread mosquito will depart From this terrestial scene, But he'll die, as well becomes the brave With his face against the screen. And then the fall enlivened colt will frolic on the hill, and the railroads will return the folks they found too tougn to kill; the fat and idle plutocrat will close his summer place, and the candidate will mount the stump and run off at the face. After the 23d, September will be under the influence of Libra, the seventh sign of the zodiac. The sign of Libra represents a pair of scales held in the hand of a scorpion. It is of Chaldean origin, and is supposed to mean that about the 23d is where the ice man gets stung himself.

People born under Libra are incapable of pretense; the women never kiss women they hate, and the men play a wretched game of poker. Libra people also have no ear for music, and generally play some particularly loud instrument in the village band. The swallow will desert the eave And start the movement south, And the farmer prime himself to spit Through early autumn’s drouth; The pumpkins will grow long and gaunt With dragging on the vine, And when the time shall come for old John D. to get in line And pay his month’s installment on That thirty million fine, We’ll hear a horse-laugh that will give Us shivers down the spine. The moon will be full on the 10th, and the American fleet will make the Society Islands about the 12th. It is expected that it will remain there permanently, society having become its long suit. With the advent of autumn, vicepresidential whiskers will begin to blend with Nature’s general color scheme, and both Mr. Sherman and Mr. Kern will run a little stronger on the tails of their tickets. And then October will return, That gladsome time and rare When the pumpkin-pie will answer “Here!”, Upon the bill-M-fare.