Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 June 1908 — THE JOKER WORSTED [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER WORSTED

“What was the matter with you the other day? You were going down the street in a hansom. You were without a hat. Your face was dusty, and your nose was bleeding. Your collar was”— “Stop!” he said. “It was cleverness brought me to the condition in which you saw me. I’ve been getting cleverer and cleverer of late.’* “Do get on with the story.” “I say that it was a dirty trick of Jennings to run away like that. And those silly books about Theodore Hook and other practical jokers ought to be stopped. If I hadn’t read that stuff about the man betting that he’d make the utter stranger invite him to dinner and winning it. I could have kept quiet, but after that I kept on having clever ideas. Mind, my idea about the ticket in - pecfor wasn’t bad. though that a-:ft what"— "Y !i me almut the ticket inspector S ■ that was at Baker street. I saw <• ;i> uu inspector on the hunt, H- h ivityr a first class ticket, 1 got . <> a ormul class carriage. My idea ; ’ > tell him that I hadn’t got a c< :.c! Hass ticket, but was quite willi. g to change into the third. Then he’d say that I could not do that and should have to pay the excess, the difference between second and third. Then I should have replied that I wouldn’t pay and that 1 would change. Then when he tried to stop me from getting out I should have shown him my first class ticket. See?” “Yes.” “Can’t you imagine what a silly goat that inspector would have looked? Well, he came to my carriage, and he said. "Tickets. / please.’ I began. ‘I haven’t got a second class ticket, but'— Then he interrupted me. He said. ‘Show ypur ticket, ptease,’ speaking quite civilly, as if he were being patient with a child that couldn’t understand. Then I had to show ft and he didn’t seem surprised or amused or pained. He said, "Thank you,’ and went on. Other people in the carriage smiled a good deal, and I rather fancy they were smiling at me. These things don’t work out the way you have plan* ned them beforehand. That was what was wrong with the signaling in the park.” “What was that?”

“That was what brought me to the condition in which you saw me yesterday. I had seen the soldiers signaling in the park. They fool übout with flags and notebooks, and crowds come round and get frightfully interested. Well, my idea was to do some bogus signaling that didn’t mean anything and take in the crowd. 1 meant to write tp the papers about it afterward, so that the crowd would know they’d been fooled and get mad with themselves. That’s the last thing, by the way, I ever do with Jennings. I tXd him about It, and ha was a good deal agnasd : tafali_%dLMLjPA W*

put on blue serge suits and yachting caps, so that we looked official, with a dash of the navy about it. We had no flags, because we thought it would be more fun to signal with our arms and legs, but we both carried thundering big notebooks. We took up our positions in the park about fifty yards apart and took care to be near a path where plenty of people would be passing. Jennings signaled first. He stood on his left leg and worked an imaginary bicycle with his right. Then he rapped his knees together sharply twice and finished by striking his chest with both hands alternately very quickly. I thought I should have died Of laughing, but I controlled myself and pretended to take down the meaning of all the signals in my notebook. "Then it was my turn to signal. I did a windmill action with my right arm and bell pulling with my left. Then I covered my left eye with one hand and stamped with my right foot. I threw in a few more eccentric movements. and of course Jennings pretended to record them. By this time each of us had a little crowd around him. At his end it was almost all children and nursemaids, but at mine there were a good many ablebodied park loafers. Jennings always has all the luck, as you’ll see.

“Well. It was a regular bean feast and went beautifully. When the crowd asked me questions I told them not to talk, as It interrupted the signaling, but after a few minutes a big. interfering kind of man came up. He was very quarrelsome and partially intoxicated. but I fancy that he knew something about signaling. He bad not watched us for half a minute before he said we were not signaling at all and that the whole thing was a plant. I began to feel a little nervous. Then he snatched my notebook and of course ■aw that there were no genuine entries in it. I moved away, and that crowd, which seemed much annoyed, moved after me. Jennings, seeing there was trouble on, bolted at once in the most cowardly way instead of coming to help me, and as he had only nursemaids at his end he was all right.” “But you were not?” “The police got me out of the park in the end and put me into the hansom in which you saw me. I can’t understand why the crowd lest its temper over a harmless little Joke like that, but It did. Anyhow. I’ve done with these smart tricks now. In future you’ll kindly remember that I’m just as big a fool as anybody else." I promised not to forget it.—Black and White.