Jasper County Democrat, Volume 11, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 June 1908 — GANDER BONE’S JUNE FORECAST. [ARTICLE]

GANDER BONE’S JUNE FORECAST.

It was the seventeenth of June, And great was the convention— The vote was coming pretty soon, And thrilling was the tension. “Alabama!” cried the clerk, And some there were went daft When a U. S. Marshall showed his head Out in the seething mass and said “Count 22 for Taft!”

The Cannon men turned pale as ghosts, And the Hughes men gasped for breath: The* men for Fairbanks clung to posts As colorless as death. “Arkansas!” the clerk exclaimed, And the hall shook fore and aft When a spry postmaster, white of hair, Hopped to the main deck of his chair, And cried “Eighteen for Taft!”

The Fairbanks men exuded groans, And the Cannon men shed tears — And the Hughes men uttered none but moans That once had uttered cheers. “California!” boomed the clerk, > And the whole convention laughed When a revenue collector rose And whisled shrilly through his nose, "Count 20 more for Taft!” The Hughes men looked at the Cannon men. And they crawled out of their chairs And the Fairbanks fellows joined them when They pulled their Teddy Bears. And they all rushed up on the center stage As men who had made ready— And when the din and the tumult died. And the dust had settled down inside * The candidate was Teddy.

And when Bill Taft discovers what a mean trick they have played him, he’ll shed his coat and go to find the man who has betrayed him. He’ll lumber up the White House steps, with each jump growing warmer, and Ted will hear him coming in and slip into his armor. They’ll spar around the room a bit, and Ted will cry, “See here Bill! 1 know the whole affair must look all-thunderation queer, ..Bill, but listen: You’ll be named for vice, and when we’re both elected, why, I’ll resign. You’ll get It, Bill—fact is, that 1 suspected Bryan would defeat you, Bill, which made it necessary for me to head the ticket, Bill, lest everything miscarry.” And Bill will sink into a chair, aware that he had messed It, and will exclaim, “I see it now! By Jove, I should have guessed it! O, most ungrateful wretch am I, to think that you who made me— my benefactor and pay friend, had shamelessly betrayed me!” Whereat they will embrace and hug As lovers reunited, And Ted will rest on William’s breast And softly say, “Dee-lighted!” June gets its name from Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage. Juno was supposed to see everybody happily married. She was highly qualified to do this, for she herself had married Jupiter who was a worse runabout that Bonl Gould. When the celestial chorus was playing Parnassus, Jupiter hung around the stage door like a Pittaburger. He stirred up more scan-

dal titan Tom Platt, and was as bold ak Gllmanalre Gorey. Juno finally avenged herself upon her rivals by turning them into cows, which made Jupiter a cattle king. The college graduate will hear “The Macedonian cry Of Kansas farmers who must get The wheat cut by July. They’ll rustle out while yet the lark Is chirruping his matin, And chase the binder round the field Exuding Greek and Latin. The dinner bell will bring the sage, the scholar and the cynic, and dinner will become a sort of scientific clinic. Astronomers will talk of Mars, of Saturn and of Venus, and Latinists recall a few romances of Silenus. The Junobug will be mentioned as the genus Lachnosterna, and other bugs will speak of land as being terra flrma. They’ll quarrel, shout and sometimes swear in Arabic and Greek, and now and then a dainty hand will clasp a damask cheek. And all the while the farmer, full of wondering and doubt, will deeply marvel what the hotel Bill it’s all about.

The Anti-Saloon League willing, the 21st will be the longest day of the year. Upon that date the sun will reach the Tropic of Cancer in the northerly declination, and will start south again. On the same day the month will pass out of the influence of Gemini the Twins, and persons born after the 21st need not be - afraid. They will not have any. Upon the contrary, the stork will fill only single orders under the zodiacal sign of Cancer the Crab. Children born under this sign will crawl backward and cry for crabapple jelly. The smiling heavens will inspire The skylark and the linnet, And the busy parsons will turn out A new bride every minute. A few friends will throw shoes and rice, And taste the wedding cake, And then make bets among themselves On whether it will take. —- Mr. Bryan will complete his wall around Denver about the 30th, and will set a deadfall at the gate for Governor Johnson. In the course of the month, all Democrats who have fought fist-fights on the floor of Congress, or in any other way distinguished themselves, will be honorably mentioned for vice-pres-ident.

The boys will seek the swimming hole In quite excited packs, And paddle in it till the sun blisters on their backs; And when the disobedients Come wet-haired back to town. They’ll get a few more blisters raised A little lower down. Commencements will come In again and knowing well this bore, the wily parent will take seat quite near the door, and when his own child has declaimed, and shown his skill and pluck, he’ll lead the plaudits for a time, and impolitely duck. The hungry boy will stow a few green apples in his turn, and his ma will lay him belly up out in the blazing sun; and after while the pain will cease, the agony and gripe, because, by virtue of the sun, the once-green fruit is ripe. And then the Fourth will come again. With dea f h and lockjaw from it, And Pike’s Peak in the public eye, With Bryan on the summit.