Jasper County Democrat, Volume 10, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 July 1907 — MERELY AN OPINION. [ARTICLE]

MERELY AN OPINION.

-What Brother Quackenboss Thought of the Funeral Proceedings. “Uh-well, sah,” judicially remarked old Brother Quackenboss, “I isn’t parsin’ no ’pinions on de eppersody one way or de tudder umhse’f, but dess givin’ yo’ de skin and bones of de puhBeedin’s and leavin’ yo’ to draw yo’ own exclusions. ’Twuz dis-uh-way: Endurin’ of de funyal, fih-whilst Pahson Bagster was deliverin’ of as comp’lmentary an address to de cawpse as yo’ most ever listened to, a section of de plaster ’bout dat wide and mebby, dis long fotched looste sum de cellin’ and ’scended on de pahson's/head and knocked him senseless—yassah, put him plumb out’n business for de time bein’! Well, uh-cou’se, yo’ know, de orgies hatter go on, uh-kaze dar wgs de cawpse, and dar was de 'semblage uh-waltln’ wld polite impatience, but dar wasn’t anudder preacher to be had, so Puhfessah Toombs, de undertaker, stepped into de britch, as yo’ mought say, wid his mouf Uh-snappin’ like a steel trap, and says he sawtah dognatiously: ""TV all w ill please make note, brud dren and sistahs, dat I takes mub stand right whuh de pahson stood, uhkaze sum de place whuh de plaster done fell down dar kain’t no mo’ plaster fall down, uh-kase it’s plumb done down and thoo failin’, no matter how bad I stretches de troof, and wid dese few word* of ’splanation I’ll puhseed, not uh-kase I’s stuck on de lamentable, but uh-kase I takes a puhfesslonal pride in muh art and admires to have de celebration go off fitten and shipshape. xVid de fudder conformation dat dis yuh isn't much pussonal sediments (not by sev-ral, uh-kaze our depahted feller citizen, uh-lyin’ dar, done owes me a balance of six dollahs on de funyal of his fou’th wife), I’ll puhseed to read sum dis yuh book de remahks dat was writ to be used in a burial at sea, b’lievin' dat dey sounds solemn - choly enough to fit de ’casion and far enough sum de troof not to cause no mo’ plasterin’ to fall.’ “And den be done so. Dat’s de way ’twuz, Brudder Bosanko. Yo’ can cut it over to suit yo’ own bias.”—Puck.