Jasper County Democrat, Volume 10, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 May 1907 — WANTEDAN APOLOGY. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

WANTEDAN APOLOGY.

By Henry Abbott.

Gadsby Jones was a peppery man of about fifty years who lived In the village of Hornsdale. It was well known to all the Inhabitants that he was peppery and carried a chip on his shoulder, and they took good care not to stir him up. In the village of Winston, four miles away, there lived another peppery man about the same age. His name was Talbot, 'and he was so touchy that he had W be handled with gloves. These two peppery old men had known each other by name for ten years before they were introduced. Mr. Jones happened to be over at Winston one day, and while at the hotel Mr. Talbot came in. They were rather chary of each other for awhile, Instinctively scenting danger, but when -that feeling had finally worn off a bit the peppery Mr. Jones remarked: “It’s my opinion, from what I have seen so far this season, that we are going to have a plague of tater bugs. I shouldn’t wonder If we lost the whole crop.” “■Well, I dunno,” replied the peppery Mr. Talbot “In my opinion all the indications point to a return of the grasshoppers.” “I differ with you, sir.” “And I differ with you.” “There isn’t the slightest indication of grasshoppers.” “Nor the slightest indication of tater bugs.” “You seem, sir, to be a conceited man.”

“And I wouldn’t guarantee that you had an ounce of brains.” “I demand an apology at once!” “And I demand the same!” "" As neither would apologize, they separated in a spirit of bitterness. As they lived four miles from each other and as they had managed to get along fairly well for years without knowing each other, their feelings would have made no difference but for one thing. Gadsby Jones had a son twenty years

old, and Mr. Talbot had a daughter nineteen. The young people had met and admired each other before the meeting of their fathers, and the fact was dimly known to their respective parents. When Mr. Talbot went home from the hotel it was to say to his daughter: “Ruth, are you acquainted with young Jones of Hornsdale?” “Why, yes, I have met him,” admitted Ruth, with a blush. “Then don’t meet him any more. He’s a horse thief.” “Why, father, how you talk!” “That Is to say, his father is the biggest old fool in the state, and I’m sorry now that I didn't call him a liar. If I catch the son hanging around here I shall kick him out in short order,” And Gadsby Jones returned to Hornsdale, getting madder every rod of the way, to say to his son: “Homer, do you know a girl over at Winston named Talbot?” ' “Talbot? Talbot?” mused the young man as he tried to appear Indifferent “Yes, sir, Talbot Seems to me I beard you say you took her to the circus.” “Oh, yes, Ruth Talbot” “Well, you drop her lifie a hot tater. I met her father over there today, and of all the cantankerous old cusses I ever ran up against he takes the cake. He owes me an apology, and until he makes it no son of mine can enter his house.” The son and daughter could not look upon the matter as the two fathers did, and neither of them felt obliged to obey the parental Injunction. While they did not openly defy it, they continued to meet at intervals, and admiration and friendship finally ripened into love. In this they were secretly supported by Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Talbot. The two peppery old men, who had lived for fifty years without knowing each other's existence, seemed fated to meet at Intervals after the disagreement. Within a month both found themselves at the same blacksmith shop to have repairs made to

their buggies, and, after glaring and snorting at eack other for a time, Mr. Jones sarcastic:!*}’ said: “I haven’t Seen anything of them grasshoppers yet.” “They are probably waiting to come along with your tater bugs.” „ “Um! Mr. Talbot, if that Is your name, I pity the.folks In this village who have to put up with your ways.” “Um! Mr. Jones, and that is undoubtedly your name, for I jjever saw a Jones who didn’t look like a mean man. If I was you, I’d go hang myself and let iny town take a rest” “Apologize, sir! Apologize at oncer* “Not until you apologize first.” They met again on the highway and again at a funeral and a town meeting. and each meeting made them long to kill each other. The son and the daughter were forbidden under all sorts of pains ahd penalties even to bow to each other, but their lovemaking could not be stopped by such edicts. There was no question of love, but that of marriage was held in abeyance In hopes that their respective fathers might undergo a change of opinion. A mutual friend undertook to bring this about He called upon the peppery Mr. Jones first. He started out with a lot of sweet oil, but he hadn’t talked over half a minute when Mr. Jones Interrupted with: “That will do, sir. A year ago I told that old fool of a Talbot that it looked like a good year for tater bugs, and he up and insulted me.” “But there were no tater bugs last year.” * “Makes no difference. I have met him two or three times since, and I tell you he is a cantankerous old reprobate. If he’s going to continue living in the state, I’ll get out of it” Nothing could be done with the peppery Mr. Jones, and so the mutual friend tried the peppery Mr. Talbot. He had only stated his errand when the latter shouted out: “Stop, sir! Ido not want that man's name mentioned in my presence! If ever there was an obstinate old fool who needed to be kicked from here to Hornsdale, he is the one. He owes me an apology, and I shall insist that he get down on his knees to make It. Be friends with Jones—J-o-n-e-s! You don’t know me, sir!” But yet things were working. Providence or something else always seeks to bring things out right in case of true love. One day a party of people living in Winston went out to a huckleberry swamp to gather berries, and the peppery Mr. Talbot went with them. On the same day a party from Hornsdale visited the same swamp, and the peppery Mr. Jones was among them. The two parties kept separate for some hours, and they had only drifted together when a thunderstorm came up. At the same time a messenger arrived from Winston with the news that the young couple had gone off and been married. The people had to seek the shelter of the trees, and It so happened that the two peppery old men found themselves side by side. “I will never recognize the marriage!” exclaimed Mr. Jones as he found himself face to face with his enemy. “Nor I either!” “Your daughter plotted to trap my son.” “’Tls false, sir! It was right the other way.” They would probably have kept on quarreling for the next half hour, but a thunderbolt shot out of the black cloud and struck the tree underneath which they were standing. Five people were knocked senseless and continued In that state for a quarter of an hour. Then the two peppery old men recovered consciousness, sat up and looked at each other. “Talbot, where are we?” slowly asked Jones. ! •Tn heaven, Jones.” "Were we killed by lightning?" "We must have been.” "Well, as we are In heaven and the children married, I don’t want to carry no grudge against you. I’m willing to apologize If you are.” “Well, I’m sorry.” “So’m I.” Of course they found put later on that they were no nearer'heaven, than the huckleberry swamp, and of course there was a little humiliation on the part of both, but, like sensible men, they buried the hatchet and rode home together to congratulate the happy

“I HAVEN’T SEEN ANYTHING OF THEM GRASSHOPPERS YET.”