Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 March 1907 — One Old Maid [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

One Old Maid

By LEE MITCHELL.

During a certain period, lasting about three years, if any one had asked what was the chief feature of the village of Harpersville he would have been told it was gossip and scandal. It had come to such a point at last that hardly any two families were on speaking terms, and a number of people had sold out and moved away in disgust The social state of affairs could not have been much worse when the Rev. Henry Bates received a call to fill the pulpit of one of the two churches. He was a man of thirty and single, and he promised to be popular. It wasn’t a month, however, before there were stories floating around to his detriment He had come from the west, and it was said that his congregation had been pleased to get rid of him. and there were other sly statements and innuendoes calculated to make his position uncomfortable. There is more or less gossip in every village in the land, but as to who starts it is always one of those things that can’t be found out. Mrs. White hears it from Mrs. Black, and Mrs. Black from Mrs. Green, and Mrs. Green from Mrs. Brown, and so it goes, and the fountainhead is seldom located. When the Rev. Bates came to find out what a hotbed he had got into he cut short his sermons to do a little outside work. When he came to delve into the situation he was more than astonished. There was just one single woman left in Harpersville who hadn’t been talked about to her detriment, and she was an old maid named Sarah Lee. She was not only an old maid.

but she was extremely homely, and the pastor hadn’t been investigating long before he thought he had located the fountainbead. In another week he was sure of It. The old maid was not a church member, but the pastor called on her just the same and threw out broad hints that the gossip and the scandallzer would have hard work to squeeze into the better land when the time came. Sarah agreed with him and two days later cooked up another canard. She was in command of the situation up to a certain point. She was well to do, and she had wealthy relatives to stand by her. The minister saw that he must go slow and bide his time. There are clergymen who study the subject of religion alone. There are others who study human nature as well. The. Bev. Bates was one of the latter.

“An old maid," he reasoned, “is a young woman who has been overlooked In the scramble or got left in the shuffle. This fact has soured her temper and made her envious and Jealous. The only way she can get even is to use her tongue. She is down on all her sex and on the married men of the other. The tongue of one old maid can stir up more mischief than five ministers can smooth over.” When the pastor had reasoned that far he took a rest for a few minutes and then continued: “What is the remedy for a tattling, gossiping, slandering old maid? Remove the cause and the disease is cured. In other words, if she can be married off the spirit of spite will be laid and she will have no reason to interfere with the peace of mind of others.” The line of reasoning was up to date, and the philosophy weighed full sixteen dunces to the pound. One may reason a thing to a logical conclusion, however, and yet find that only one difficulty has been removed. The Rev. Bates was pitted against Sarah Lee. It was Lee versus Bates. He realized that he would have to go at the end of a year or Sarah Lee would have to be provided with a husband. Not only was the Instinct of self preservation appealed to, but if the question had been submitted to any lay mind the answer would have been that one minister was worth ten times as much to any community as an old maid. The Rev. Bates did not turn conspirator. It takes two to conspire, and he did not take any one Into his counsel. His very first move almost brought about his downfall. He made a second call on Miss Lee. and during that call he brought the conversation around to the subject of matrimony. It was the duty of men and women to marry. The world would be a savage desert without homes. Race suicide would end in a state of barbarism. For good reasons of her own, he supposed, she had neglected this great duty, but he hoped and trusted that those reasons would soon be removed. He himself was still single, but be was happy to state—

Before he could make his statement the old maid was in his arms, or would have been if he had not quickly increased the distance between them. She made it pretty plain that she was willing to be his’n and would do her best to make life happy for him. When he closed the conversation by saying that he was engaged to a lady In the west he was almost turned out of doors, and Miss Lee started three or four new stories about him. The pastor felt sure that he had struck the keynote, however, and a week or two later he was writing a letter to an acquaintance in his former parish. The man he wrote to was not a church member. He was an old bachelor who paid pew rent, contributed to the heathen, attended Sunday school picnics and let it go at that. The pastor had once talked with him on the subject of matrimony and had been given to understand that there had been no marriage because the right woman had not been found. “Referring to a subject once discussed between us,” wrote the Rev. Bates, “let me say that there Is a young woman resident here who seems to have many of the qualifications to fit her for wifehood—that is, she has the best of health, is worth several thousand dollars, and she has assured me that she would do her best to make a husband happy. Were you to pay me a visit and meet her she might prove to be the one you long have sought. Did you not know my radical ideas on the subject of race suicide I should not have mentioned this matter to you. WTiile I mentioned that the lady had money, it was only incidentally, and that fact will have no undue influence, I trust.” Ten days later James Perkins appeared in Harpersville as an old acquaintance and the guest of the clergyman. The Rev.. Bates did not boast of being a hustler, but within twenty-four hours he had Introduced his guest to Miss Lee. Mr. Perkins had no reputation as a hustler, but within forty-eight hours he was speaking words of flattery that made the old maid smile like a June day. She couldn't forego what she had come to believe was her privilege, however. She told Mrs. Jackson, and Mrs. Jackson told Mrs. Taylor, and Mrs. Taylor told Mrs. Beebe and the rest of the town that she believed Mr. Perkins had had two wives and killed them both by smothering them with a pillow. The story reached the parsonage and the ears of the guest within a day, and the guest was wroth, but the good pastor sat down with him and argued. "James, the gossip of women id as the breeze that blowetb. Give it no heed. I incidentally learned today that the exact amount of wealth possessed by Miss Lee is about $12,000, and all In bonds drawing fair interest. I am also assured that she is a great worker In her own house, has no extravagant "habits and that she would have no objection to a home in the great and boundless west. Perhaps I should not have mentioned the exact sum of money, but I know you will receive it as only Incidental, James—only incidental. If there is a marriage I hope and trust It may be founded on love alone. I shall be busy with my sermon tonight, and should you desire to call on Miss Lee I shall not miss you for a couple of hours.” There was no hustling on the part of the Rev. Bates or James Perkins, but two weeks after his arrival in Harpersville Mr. Perkins entered the minister’s study one evening with a bland smile and an extended hand and said: “My dear old friend, congratulate me. I am the happiest man in the state.” r “Has—has something happened?” "Something has. Sarah has promised to be mine, and she has set the marriage day for only six weeks ahead. How can I ever thank you for bringing

us together?” Something like a smile appeared at the corners of the pastor’s mouth; but, of course, he let it spread no further. When he found that the happy couple were to go west to live he tendered his hearty congratulations and likewise offered up his thanks mentally. The marriage came off, the old maid became a wife, and Harpersville knew her no more. Then the calm that settled down was Indeed blessed—no more gossip, no slander, no lying; in place of them, peace, harmony and contentment. And If the conscience of the Rev. Bates ever pricked him he had but to say to himself; “Isn’t it better to marry off one old maid than to have a thousand people made unhappy?”

SHE MADE IT PRETTY PLAIN THAT SHE WAS WILLING TO BE HIS'N