Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 September 1906 — LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY" [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY"

Pipes. I like the uncomplaining man Who works a steady clip. The man who does his duty well And lets the old world rip. He seldom finds that life is hard. He does not fret and stew And never once was known to ask, “I* this hot enough for you?” Many a husband la hungry for the love his wife wastes on the dorg! Many a dollar has gone into the jack-pot that should have gone into the soup pot at home! Many a man who has been made what he is by his wife wishes the raw material had been better. • The hammock days are fleeting fast A few more spoons and they will pass— And then—well, father pays once more. While lovers, true, burn up the gas! Before marriage he called her the star of his existence, but after marriage he did not give her a star’s salary. A well known humorist says: "A man in Indiana who was jilted discarded clothes and began picking flowers in the nude state.” I never knew 'em to wear clothes! Word comes from Michigan that great excitement prevails at one of the well-known summer resorts. A girl from Indiana who has never written a novel and doesn’t know George Ade has taken board for the summer. “The greatest compliment a woman can pay a man is to cook for him,” says an exchange, and the greatest compliment a man can pay a woman is to eat what she cooks—but it’s dangerous! When a man goes home in the evening and finds his wife good-natured, the dinner always tastes good enough for a king. If he finds her worried and cross, it beats all how heavy the biscuits are! The wife of the editor of a Kansas paper presented him With a daughter last week and the editor duly celebrated the event by printing most of his paper upside down. Some men would get intoxicated under similar circumstances. A married man who came home at two o’clock in the morning and insisted on telling his wife a new joke, is now sympathizing with the parrot and has Mken as his motto, “I know what’s the matter with you, Polly! You talk too darned much!” An editor, a country editor, of course, came home the other night and told his wife he had seen a butterfly with a garter snake in its mouth! This was the first inkling the wife had ever received that he was “hitting” the gasoline can. The editor has since signed the pledge. A HOT NIGHT IN THE CITY. It is me to my porch where the cool breeie is whirring. By the side of the lake where the glad waves are purring. It is me to my porch where the minstrels are straying. Where the heart is as light as the airs they are playing. In the hot summer time there Is small sense in roaming— Stay at home and keep cool and just rest hi the gloaming. Oh, the country is nice and the wild wind* are flirty But a man doesn’t mind when he gets above thirty. He’d as soon stay at home and smoke fragrant Havanas As to strut at the seashore with Floras and Hannahs. So it’s me to the spot that is fanned by lake breezes. To the porch on the shore where the retrospect pleases. Here is life, here is peace, here are friends entertaining. And it’s here we will rest while the evening is waning. In the hot summer time there is small sense In roaming— Stay at home and keep cool and just rest In the gloaming. A story hails from Nebraska that might be used as an example to show the selfishness of woman. A man and his wife bought a section of land many years ago at the low prevailing prices of the period and for many years tilled and harvested. At last, plenty having come their way, the husband decided to sell the place and retire. He received a magnificent offer that represented thousands of dollars, and having had the release papers made out, took them home for the wife to sign. Imagine his surprise when she refused to sign them. Argument failed to move her and at last the husband appealed to his attorney to reason with the woman. The attorney drove out to the farm and discovered that the woman had ‘never had any money of her own and felt that she should be given a cash sum if the transaction was completed. She had worked hard and faithfully, she said, for many, many years and she thought it no more than right that she be allowed something in the way of ready money now that the home was to be sold. The attorney agreed with her and asked her what she thought she ought to have in the way of cash. Imagine his surprise when the woman after thinking a moment, said, with determination in her voice, “Well, I think I ought to have at least |18.”