Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 July 1906 — LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY" [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY"

School’s Out. Yep. our school hex let out fer two months and a day. An* they's nothin’ t’ do but t’ caper an’ play! We hev got a ball team an’ we won't do a thing, Far I’m pitcher an' captain an’ coacher, b' jlng! We hev built a new wharf at th' old swimmln’ hole. An* my Aunt Mary's sent me a new fishin' pole! “Skinny’’ Jones an’ myself we are makin' a raft— We're a-goln' t' sea when we've finished th' craft; An’ I guess we’ll be PIRATES, If ma don't object—- " Skinny” Jones sez t’ sneak an’ she'll never suspect! In "Th' Rua” in th’ brush we are buildin’ a shack Jist t’ ren-dez-vous in when they git on our track! An’ we've filled it with breakfast food, nuts and some WINE! UP above on th’ door we hev printed a sign. “JIST BeWAre," sez th’ sign, “If YE ENter IN HerE TE musT LeAve ttV YER hopE aN’ YER FEar in tHE rEar!” We are goln’ t’ divide all th' spoils thet we take—- " Skinny” Jones an’ X splits on th’ size of th' stake! An’ th' first thing I do I’ll git ma a new gown! It will be a green silk an th' best one in town! I suppose If she knew thet her boy sailed th' sea. Jist a-piratin' things, she’d refuse it frum me! But I guess thet I’ll tell her I ketch lots of fish An’ 1 sell 'em eround fer th’ price that I wish! But it’s sure thet my ma needs a new dress, fer fair, Fer I heered her tell pa she ain't "nothin' t’ wear!" Yep, our school hez let out fer two months and a day An' they's nothin’ t’ do but t’ caper an’ play! Gee! it's fun Jist t’ fish an' t' run around town— Gosh! 1 wish th' old school would take tire an’ burn down!

On the Quiet. The deaf man escapes the dago’s hand organ. A nincompoop is the other fellow to the argument! l ~ A canner can can but he cannot can a can, can he? One little ray of sunshine is worth a cloudburst of whine! One may lose one’s own sorrow 'helping another forget his. The more rope you give some men the less they like smoking! Imagination has caused more stomach aches than green apples! In selecting books for your vacation ■do not forget your check-book. It makes a difference whether people laugh at you for saying things, or at the things you say. When an author’s receipts are more than his outlay for postage, then he Snay be said to be successful.

If John Jones can run a mile in four aninutes, how long will it take Farmer fclagtop to weed an onion patch? Do not pick your teeth. Let the dentist do this. Having had more exiperience, he can match them better. A Pittsburg doctor says a hen has a mind. And a sense of humor, toq. Else why would she deposit her egg under the very center of the barn floor?