Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 July 1906 — A LITTLE NONSENSE. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE NONSENSE.

Hi* Reason* For Abstaining From Certain Influence*. “Didn't that'hurt you, sir?” The clerical looking gentleman in the rear seat of the trolley car turned inquiringly to the nicely dressed and clean cut young man who sat beside him as that individual winced slightly, for his foot had just been steped on by a portly man who was leaving the c£r. “Yes, sir. It hurt very much,* he said simply. “I thought so,” said the clerical man. “Allow me to congratulate you on your control. I observed with pleasure, sir, that no oath sprang to your lips. Great pleasure to meet a young man like you. Have a cigar?” “Thank you. I don’t smoke,” said the young man. “Splendid!” exclaimed the clerical interrogator. “I smoke myself,” he said, “because I lead a sedentary life. But I glory in a young man who doesn’t. May I inquire, sir, if you know the taste of liquor ?” . . “No, sir. Never touched a drop.” His new friend clasped him by the hand. There were tears in his eyes. “Remarkable!” he exclaimed. “In these unregenerate days it is indeed foul satisfying to gaze upon Such a model. May I ask, my dear young friend, what high motive impels you to abstain from these influences that are sapping the lifeblood from the nation ?” The young man smiled. “Certainly,” he replied. “The fact is, sir, I find that I can’t dissipate and deal a faro bank at the same time.”—Collier’s Weekly. The Real Trouble.

“Do you think you’ll have much trouble in popping the question ?” “No. I think I’ll have more trouble in questioning pop.” Artistic Difficult!**. “It is difficult for a beginner in the drama even to walk across the •tage property, isn’t it?” asked the student. “Yes,” answered Mr. Stormington Barnes absently. “But it isn’t as hard as learning to walk between stations.”—Washington Star. Can’t Always Tell. Jenks—You can’t always judge s man by the clothes ha wears. Look at Ragsley, for instance. Blinks He certainly does look like a hard luck victim. Jenks—Yes, but I succeeded in borrowing $5 from him yesterday.— Chicago News. Aggravating. Wife—Henry, what makes you in •uch a furious temper ? Husband—l’m trying to read « Scotch dialect story. The plot is fearfully exciting, but I can’t hur die over the language fast enough to keep up with the hero!—Detroit Free Press. A Command. Gaussip—They’re all saying that your wife asked you to marry her. Henpeck—How ridiculous! Gaussip—ls it ? Henpeck—Of course. She never asks me to do anything. She told me.— Philadelphia Press. Why, Certainly. “ ‘God’s Good Man’ is the title of one of the new books this year,” said Mr. Henpeck. “Yes,” his wife returned. “Of course it’s mere fiction.”—Chicago Record-Herald. What Caused It. Dyer —So Higbee has become bankrupt! Wyld—Yes. He tried to run a forty horsepower auto on a five horsepower salary.—Town Topics. In the Gama. Patience You never cared for those kissing games, did you ? Patrice—Oh, yes. I’ve been engaged four times!—Yonkers Statueman.