Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 July 1906 — Wails. [ARTICLE]

Wails.

A New York firm advertises to furnish sermons for 60 cents each. My wife furnishes ’em free. Mabel’s doll is a beautiful creature with eyes that open and shut, a pretty face and long, golden curls. When you squeeze it, the doll says “ma ma!” Mabel has a beautiful big sister with glorious blue eyes, rosebud lips and lustrous, golden hair. Last night a young man squeezed her for 40 min utes and she never screamed “ma ma!” once. Let me see—before the San Fran cisco horror there was a man of the name of Dowie, wasn't there? Oh yes—but he’s over among the “brevi ties” on the "local page” now. John D. Rockefeller is reported as saying: "Don’t covet the wealth oi another.” This is surely selfishness on John D’s part, inasmuch as he has about all there is in this world worth coveting. “A Cleveland hero of three wars is married for the second time,” says the Plain Dealer, whereat the Den ver News guilelessly asks: “That makes him hero of five, doesn’t it?”

A physician, for services rendered, frequently charges according to the amount of money possessed by the patient. So does the lawyer—and gets it all! Some young men sow hemp along with their wild oats. The harvest frequently is a hanging. Man sews a button on his trousers with about the same degree.. of—the manor born" as is exemplified by woman when she tries to bait a fish hook.