Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1906 — LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY" [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY"

Grandfather’s Sweetheart. Twas May and the wild apple blossom* Were flooding the ah- with perfume. Twas May and the Goddess of Springtime Was decking her raiment with bloom. We followed the trail of the woodsman By river an<| hill and ravine; We stood where the crest of the monarch ' Cast brook-ward it’s shade to the sheen. We plucked from the wild apple branches An armful of blossoms and green, And there Jn the shade of an elder I fashioned a crown for my queen! I fashioned a crown for my sweetheart, All fragrant and wet with the dew. Ah! fairer than all was my lady— And, sweetheart, that lady was you! Tour hair then was brown as the autumn, .Your eyes were as pure as the morn; Tour cheeks were out-blushing the blossoms. And taunting their richness to scorn. Tour hair now Is white The years have left lines in your brow, But, sweetheart, our love then was bauble Compared to the love that is now! By all the long trails we have traveled, Some sun-lit and others of gloom, But always you’ve been the same sweetheart I crowned with the wild-apple bloom! TOur eyes are as pure as in girlhood. Tour kiss is as sweet to my lips; Tou are queen of the wild-apple blossoms, You are queen to your pink finger lips! For years cannot take from your beauty The fragrance God put in your heart. The truth and unselfish devotion That measures the true woman’s part! I hail thee the queen of the May-time! Thy sway is the realm of my life, Nu queen could more flatter her laurel Than thou hast, my sweetheart, my wife! Pipe Dreams. When Galileo, or whoever it was, invented the pendulum, he sinned greatly against the man who cannot find the key-hole. No, Willie, a lad that has a stepfather is not a stepladder! When pa cannot answer Little Willie’s questions, he gets mad at Willie for being “so darned inquisitive!’’ The business man hired the boy who had just licked 14 other applicants in the hallway, because he was a modern business man and believed in tin de siecle business methods. To the victor belongs ail he can get his hands on. There are two good ways to sweep a room—with a broom and with a train! A model wife should know how to do both. There is the illuminated clock, the illuminated nose and the Illuminated curtain lecture; why not the illuminated key-hole? The politician is between two tires. If he uses money to gain his ends, the people criticise him. If he does not, they forget him! It makes a man mad to wear a lock of his girl’s hair in his watch, and discover upon quarreling with her that it Is from her switch! According to a Missouri paper there Is but one dog in Nodaway county. This part of Missouri is plainly no place in which to raise boys. "When in love, work," advised an authority. Good advice! If working doesn’t ettre the malady it will at least produce something on which to marry. Now doth the summer hotel-keeper Prepare to lodge the city sleeper; Concocts, with disregard of reason, The fish lies for a busy season. Un, wine is lius old shekel reaper. This Grandpa” Hotel-Keeper. The future depends upon the rising generation. Where do the pug dog ladies get in on tins platform? Better be a pet gander in a village than a lonely goose in a city. The earth is a regular old soak in April. Honesty is the best policy but few people seem to be carrying insurance. Next year I am going to run for mayor jn the Spring Fever ticket. Seems to me it's in the majority. The man who pays for the wine is apt not to see or taste the boquet of it. Where did you say you were going the Fourth? By the changing of one letter a certain state in the union couldn’t buy a porterhouse on credit. 1 refer to I. O. A. and 1. OU. -**— During houseeleaning “everybody works but father.” There is one nice thing about a fog—you never shy at the things that don't hit you. Tt was a reception at the Englewood Men’s club, when one man remarked to a stranger who sat beside him: “Ain’t that woman ugly?” pointing to a lady a few seats ahead. “That's my wife,” was the unexpected rejoinder. “I don’t mean that one. The one next to her,” was the next attempt. But this failed to pronerly open the conversation between the twb. because the stranger replied: “She’s my daughter.” Then the first number on the programme was announced.