Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1906 — LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY" [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY"

Paul Hull’s Dog. Paul Hull, the attenuated, dignified superintendent of second-class matter at the Chicago post office, was once a country editor. He was not only the editor, but the mayor, the justice of the peace, the real estate agent and the chairman of the entertainment committee of the village. Hence wpen a very delightful young lady came to town to lecture in the Methodist church, Paul “seen his duty and he done it” Learning that the aforesaid delightful and beautiful young lady was to have an evening free from work, Mr. Hull strolled around to the livery stable, ordered a horse and buggy and drove to the hotel where she was stopping. He opined that she *would like to take a ride and see the town. She likewise opined and the two were soon opining together. Having driven up one street and down another, Paul was forced to admit they had seen all there was of the town to see. and turned Dobbin’s head countryward. As they drove through the vernal, shady woodland roads, they chanced to meet a boy. The boy had a 'dog. Paul also had a dog and he didn't want another. In fact he was not in the dog market at all, but just for the sake of repartee and as Paul says, “to be smart,” he pulled up the horse and queried: “Hello, sonny, what’ll you take for your dog?” It was plain to be seen that the boy was mad. He knew Hull and knew that he was being joshed. Instantly his eyes flashed, his fists gripped and he replied: “See here, Paul Hull, I’ll give ye th' darned dog if you’ll kiss th’ young lady!” At this climax the best Paul could do was to cut the horse with the whip. While he was naturally a ladies’ man, he was “up to the limit” with the pretty creation' at his side and he hadn’t felt any too much reassured by her somewhat distrait and distant manner. His face went red as a sunset and he turned away his eyes, afraid to look at his companion. Inwardly perturbed and mentally cursing the boy, he offered no explanation, but drove on in silence. The fair lecturer coughed. Then she coughed again! Paul managed to get up courage enough to glance hastily around. To his chagrin the young woman showed serious evidence of trying to control a large-sized and whole-souled laugh. His expression capped the climax and between peals of laughter she managed to gasp: "Are —you—going—to buy the dog, Mr. Hull?” Inasmuch as Paul Is now married to a very attractive and lovable woman, and inasmuch as these pre-nuptial stories are apt to lead to embarrassing gridiron sessions, I am not going to go on record as to whether Paul did or did not take the dog. I will say, however, I know full well what “Uncle By” would have done away back there in the halcyon days—but of course I was always passionately fond of —dogs.

Now doth the busy little pup Enjoy each June-time minute. The master makes a radish bed— The little pup ... is in it! Spasms. When the Carnegie spelling reform is operative I will sign myself: "Truly yurs, "Unc. By Wm’s." How will you sign yours? A dodge in time saves a ten-dqllar fine for the chauffeur. In a matter of love, Newport frequently has more to do with it than Providence. Biblical quotation observed in large cities —"I was a stranger and ye took me in.” No, dear, taking a bath Is not the only way to clean up. There is the poker game, for Instance. It does not pay to be fresh. Remember Lot’s wife. One of the greatest grafters I ever knew lived In lowa. He was the king grafter of the state, grafted all day long, was always grafting. He —he— was the local nurseryman. Some men’s lives are like a book—and others are like a blank book.

Notice the grocery show window special sale, newest beautiful cherry pattern dishes at 12, 18 and 26 cents, worth 25, 35 and 50 cents each, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday only, June 11th, 12th and 13th. Chicago Bargain Store.